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Thread: Strange feelings?

  1. #1
    Melinda Guest

    Default Strange feelings?

    I'm just wondering if I'm the only one who has felt this way. I'm not PG again yet, but I'm almost fearful of becoming PG again......fearful of how Jacob will cope with a sibling.

    Is this abnormal? I love him so incredibly much, but I find myself worrying about how he will react if I become PG again....if he will be jealous, misbehave, if his sleeping patterns will be disturbed by a new baby (we have had some problems with this sleep over the past few months) etc. He also suffers with a bit of separation anxiety which makes me anxious about having another baby, as much as we want to, and have planned all along to have two children close together.

    I am also fearful of how I will cope with looking after him whilst I am PG again.....will my PG be full of all the anxiety and depression just as it was the last time?

    Has anyone else felt this way when they have been thinking about TTC again, are TTC again or are currently PG? Some days I find myself thinking that having another baby will be a great thing for him and our family, but other days I can't help but think that it's not such a crash hot idea and that perhaps we should wait? But then I find myself wondering just how long do we wait.....will my fears about this ever subside? To be honest, I don't think they will. I feel like these are things that will worry me no matter whether we do go ahead with trying now, or whether we wait. I'm a typical born worrier!!


  2. #2
    mizzsocial Guest

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    Hey!! My son is 7 months old and i have began to TTC again!!

    I have also been worried about how my son will react etc.. and i have spoken to other mums who have been through it already, and most say that as long as you still spend quatlity time with your child after the baby is born its usually ok..

    Its common for the child to become jealous, and that will happen whether the child is 2 years, 5 years or even 10 years old!

    If you want to have children close together, thats great because they will be so close growing up! Yes, it might be hard when they are really little, but when they get to the ages of 2 and up, its a lot more fun and exciting!!


  3. #3

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    Oh Mel honey, for you, I had that same concern,when I got preggers again, but I kept reassuring Nyah that when baby comes she's have to help alot, like feed baby, put baby to sleep bath baby, change baby, all that you do involve him in it to, although he wont be able to physically do these things it really helps to tell him "OMG Jackob do you realise you just helped mummy get baby to bed,slepp,bath whatever", make a hugh deal out of it and smile while you say it, well that's what I did and it really worked. Also let him sing to baby while in your tummy or talk, let him touch your belly at all times even if you dont feel like it,I was sick for 26 weeks day and night and had really bad anxiety all the way through as well as my depression-fun not!, but seeing Nyah and having her rub my back in the shower while I threw up or having her tell William in my tummy that she was his big sister and she loved him (didnt know the sex then), really got her involved-sorry so long darl.

    I think you'll do fine, maybe with his sleeping do you think that he senses your anxiety about this??

  4. #4

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    THe good thing if you TTC now and get pregnant, is that the eldest will never remember not having a sibling. I was almost four when my brother was born, and I can't remember a time without him. Whereas DD is 7, so she will definitely know the difference.
    I don't know if there's ever a right time, but it's a gift for a child to have a sibling, and they will both be loved AND love each other and have a sibling so close that that's what they will always remember (and cherish)!!
    If children are resilient, then baby's are even more so xox
    P.s and I totally understand the sleeping, that is my biggest concern for DD, but so many other families manage, and so will we. If we think of the positive, it outweighs the negative. xxo

  5. #5

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    Melinda

    I felt the same when pg with Alex.
    How would Kimberley be.
    Would she hurt him in anyway.
    I was worried how Kimberley would do without me when i was in hospital and she was ok some days she cried when she left.

    But now Alex is here Kimberley is great and to watch her playing with her dolls and doing what i do is wonderful.
    She asks to hug Alex now and if he is having floor time she stays with him.

    Maybe buy Jacob a doll and teach him what you will do with the baby before he/she comes along.

  6. #6

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    Toots,

    When I started working Full Time again, DD was 3 yrs old & we had been together every day of her life. She lost all the hair behind her ears & wet her bed 3 times in the 3rd week, I took her to DR who said it was seperation anxiety...
    I felt so guilty, but we needed the money & the job.... Dh was waiting for his visa etc, so he was not here all the time...

    I can honestly say the best thing I ever did was continue to drop her off at my friends house she has 3 kids & everyday she had DD.
    I noticed a 100% turn around in confidence in DD from her being home with me to being to having to mix with other kids, it has been the best thing for her, she coped really well in 4 yr old Kinder, then in Prep took to it like a duck to water & now is in top of her class in grade 1, she is actually now doing grade 2 work.

    I think having a sibling for Jacob, will not only be good for him, but also for you.
    I realised I had probably cotton wooled DD from many things, yet allowing her time to be her & have her own personality & get to mix with other kids & deal with things other kids deal with like not sharing, snatching, fighting, the competetiveness has been great for her.

    I know I will feel sad having to put this baby in Family day care at around 6-8 months of age, 2 days per week, but I think it will also be better for this baby than what DD went through when we finally did have to be seperate, so i think it will be good for Jacob to have a sibling so he can deal with his seperation issues (and yours, I know I was a mess) inside your family unit, before he has to go to kinder, school etc & believe me it comes around all to quickly!

    You will cope... We all do, somehow or another!!!!

  7. #7

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    Hi melinda,
    i think no matter how old a child is when a new baby arrives you can never predict thier reaction. My ds will be 4 and 2months when our next child arrives (march 2006) and as much as he wants a sibling i am still not sure how he will react. He loves his little cousin and a friends new baby but i still am unsure to his reaction when there is a baby in our house. The fact he will have to share us and even now at times is jealous if dh and i kiss and cuddle in front him, concerns me but i know he will enjoy the baby as much as us.

    I have friends who have children 13-18 months apart and they tend to think that the children were in some ways not obviously effected when the baby arrived and took it quiet well as they had not had a huge amount of time (3+yrs) to become familiar with being the only child and the parents only focus. So this could be seen as a good thing for having children close together!

    Have you talked to dh about how you are feeling? What are his thoughts, is he helpful with jacob? and would he be helpful with the new baby and during pg?

    Just think about everything you have already achieved. Pg, labour, night feeds, no sleep, teething...shall i go on? Lets face it you have survived this far and there is no point worrying about something that has not or may not happen (thats the way i look at it now).

    Jacob may be just on 2 by the time the baby arrives (provided you fall pg soon) and his routines will be alot different to now. He may only have 1 day sleep and so the other times the baby is asleep could be "special time" for the two of you. I am sure he will be fine and love "his baby" as much as you will.

    So good luck and i hope i haven't confussed you to much. When it comes down to it, it is all about how you feel as to when the right time is.

    Take care and try not to worry, everything will fall into place.
    Kas :flower:

  8. #8
    Melinda Guest

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    Thanks Kas.....you haven't confused me at all. A lot of what you have said there makes a lot of sense.....thank you.

    Yes, I have talked to DH about my thoughts on this. He isn't the born-worrier that I am, and is a lot more relaxed by nature, so he isn't as concerned as I am. He is EXTREMELY helpful with Jacob and is brilliant with him.....he is very hands on with him and does everything for him that I do which is absolutely fantastic - I couldn't ask for better! Yes, he would be very helpful with a new baby and during PG. He is very supportive and somehow finds a way to put up with my anxiousness!

    Thank you once again for your reply......it has really helped a great deal.

  9. #9
    Melinda Guest

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    Oh gosh, how rude of me.......I also wanted to say thank you to everyone else who has replied to my post......

    I really do appreciate your thoughts on this and have taken on board all of the points that you have raised.....so thank you again!

  10. #10
    2kiddies Guest

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    Just wanted to add my two cents worth!
    As some other posters have said, I dont' think there is an 'exact' right time to have another child. Reilly was 3 and 2 months when Georgia arrived...and I was also a bit anxious and worried how we'd both go when she arrived. It had always just been 'him and me'...and he was my 'baby'...I wondered if and how COULD I love the new baby just as much as him..would he be left out etc...would I cope with two..COULD I cope with two?
    In the end..all the worrying proved to be a waste of time. Georgia is such a quiet placid little baby and has been from birth and Reilles just adores his little sister. He was a bit jealous and a bit funny with me in hospital, but I guess that's normal. From the second day, he wouldn't leave her side. He's the proud big brother. When Georgia is sleeping in the day, that's 'mummy and Reilly' time. We colour, read, play...whatever he wants to do. Sometimes on weekends, I take Reilly out to a cafe for a milkshake, just 'Reilly and Mummy'...or I take him to the movies, something special for just the two of us. When Georgia is old enough, I will do the same with her. Paul also takes him out and has 'Reilly and daddy' time.
    I am also thinking about TTC towards the end of the year, and the same little fears and worries are setting in as well, but I'm not so concerned by them this time. New bubs will slot into the family just fine...and so will you! It's perfectly normal to have these worries..so don't stress too much!
    I think in a way it's easier to have them close together, as somene said, Jacob will only ever remember having a brother or sister.
    Hope my 'essay' helped somewhat!

  11. #11
    Melinda Guest

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    Thanks Dan......I appreciate your comments, as always!! You're a champ

  12. #12
    2kiddies Guest

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    No probs matey!

  13. #13
    mooshie Guest

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    hi melinda

    i thought i too would add my 2cents worth as well lol.

    when my dd was 12mths old we decided to ttc, i remember feeling quite anxious about this as she to was extremely clingy, she stuck to me like glue lol. i do remember saying to my dh that i was scared of having another and i didn't think i would have enough love for 2 but we wanted a sibling for jess and i was 30 then and thought because it took us around 3 yrs to finally fall pg we should maybe start asap - yup i got prg straight away, jay was born when jess was 21mths old, i remember the early mths of prg feeling like total crap etc but was lucky cause jess was still have 2 sleeps a day and i could rest heaps. we told jess she was going to have a brother/sister when i was around 12wks and i don't think she really understood but as she got older and saw the belly getting bigger she got right into it - putting nappies on her dolls etc etc. when jay was born i actually packed a photo of jessie and took it to hospital with me so when she came in to visit she would see that i had her photo and she was thrilled. i remember when we were leaving for the hospital and mum and dad came over to watch jessie and she just screamed as we left - yup she was still clingy then lol. you know what those years i had with jess and jay (just under 2yrs of them being together) were the best years of my life and they grew up soooooooo close there was no fighting etc and i knew i could leave the room when jay was a baby and i knew that jess would not touch him - she was so caring and i got her involved from the day he came home - we made a few adjustments such as she got very upset he was sleeping in our room and she wouldn't go to bed so i fixed that by putting jay straight into the cot and bang no more problems. i truly wish she was here still with jay as they would have been so close.

    i have 4 1/2yrs diff between jay and lani and this time it is very different, jay is independant and it is kind of like being a first time mum again but with a bit more knowledge and not so stressed lol. he too is very good but does try to help a lot (ie carry lani around the house etc) he also attempts to change nappies.

    i don't think there is any right age or spacing to have children - all ages and stages are different and present new challenges but just remember if you were to fall prg now or in the near future 9mths is an extremely long time in the development of a baby/toddler.

    i also think it is completly natural to worry about such things because it is unknown just like the very beginning of ttc your first - the fear of the unknown can be a bit overwhelming but you do cope - hey my g/friend has a neighbour who has just had child number 18 yup 18 do you believe it a breeding machine lol.

    sorry for the epic and good luck in your decisions whichever way you choose to go.

  14. #14

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    Mel - I know how you are feeling too. We have started talking about a time frame for TTC and coping with 2, no matter what age is going to be a challenge.

    I am actually worried about having twins if I get pregnant again as I don't think I could cope with 3....

    Preparing them early for the baby is a good idea.

  15. #15
    Pietta Guest

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    Melinda I have the exact same concerns. I watch Ryley at day care and he is so awesome with other kids that I think he will be fine with another bub.

    You know Jacob better than anyone and I know you will make the right choice

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