u/s if you had your time again..would you?

[briggsy's girl]

Those of you who have said termination would never be a consideration...have you been in a circumstance were it was an option for health reasons?

No amount of research (in my opinion) can prepare you for what lays ahead with a child with special needs, its something that you learn whilst living it as every child is entirely different.

Maz, the only way i would have a termination would be for a child with anomalies incompatible with life. in other words, a child that would not be able to live on their own (child developing with no cerebrum etc) - for something like Downs, no, not an option.

i personally haven't lived what you are living now, so please don't think i'm trying to negate ANYTHING you are going through - i just personally don't feel that it would make that much difference to me. it's not a religious stand point - it is simply how i feel. i have been raised with family with special needs, been involved in the local developmental schools, mum was the carer of choice (FDC) for kids with special needs. i've seen children with mild issues, to those with very major (unable to communicate, unable to eat on their own). yes, my life would be a hell of a lot different, but i would alter, or even give up, the life i have now for a child with special needs

being able to prepare would make it easier - but as you know, it's often not possible. no matter how many scans and tests you have, you can't diagnose a child on the spectrum before birth. there are no markers on a scan. you can't prepare for that as a parent. yes, you knew there was increased chance after W if you had another son, but there was no way to know. the same with Tank. from what i know of CP, there is no way to diagnose it until after birth.

i dont' hold anything against anyone who makes a decision to not go forth with a pregnancy where DS or similar has been confirmed - it's not something that is easy to face, and there is a lot to take into consideration. Each to their own - i just know for me, i've grown up around adults and children with Downs and similar - it doesn't enter my mind kwim?

[Mildez]

Maz I am mearly saying where I work someone that presents in labour with nil scans have a quick scan to check placental position upon arriving. This is very rare maybe once a year as almost everyone has one scan at some stage. Most of the midwives can operate the mobile ultrasound and see where the placenta is most of the time or simply that its not obstructing the internal os, find the HB and position of the baby. In saying this the only people I have seen not have a scan have also not had any antenatal care.

I myself have been in the position where I was strongly advised to terminate. I was 6weeks and I couldn't terminate without knowing for sure my baby was affected ( I was on multiple medications for a neuro problem and arthritis as well as birth control and three of these medications were known to cause terotegenic effects) if my baby was found to have an abnormality then I might of terminated later on in the pregnancy. As it was my DD did have problems but they were not as severe as we were expecting.

Not sure if the message was intended for me but I didn't say I would not terminate. I myself could see myself terminated for an abnormality such as DS although very unlikely to for a condition that was incompatible with life but thats just me and I have reasons although they are too long and numerous to mention here. I have been in this position (not DS but terotegenic effects) and I seriously considered it. Never again will I feel that I would never do it as I know there was a real possibility of that happening regardless of who you are and what you believe in. Midwifery has taught me that. A mothers love for her child is that great that they want whats best for them and unfortunately sometimes that is to go to heaven away from the pain or suffering that they would have from a life on Earth however short or long that maybe.

[Mildez]

Just read my post it may sound like I am talking about DS as I used that as an example. I think DS people are one of the happiest people I have seen but I didn't mean. I was thinking of conditions like polycystic Kidneys etc where the baby only has a few months/years of life full of medical procedures, dialysis, surgeries, unable to go home and alot of pain. Who would want there child to suffer like that only to pass away at 1 or 2years of age if not younger? As hard as the choice would be to end the pregnancy at say 20weeks it would break my heart over and over again to not beable to take the pain from your child until death takes them. There are many reasons people end a pregnancy and sadly they are not all for maternal request.

[Mildez]

Just read my post it may sound like I am talking about DS as I used that as an example. I think DS people are one of the happiest people I have seen but I didn't mean. I was thinking of conditions like polycystic Kidneys etc where the baby only has a few months/years of life full of medical procedures, dialysis, surgeries, unable to go home and alot of pain. Who would want there child to suffer like that only to pass away at 1 or 2years of age if not younger? As hard as the choice would be to end the pregnancy at say 20weeks it would break my heart over and over again to not beable to take the pain from your child until death takes them. There are many reasons people end a pregnancy and sadly they are not all for maternal request.

[maz]

Sorry if anyone thinks my 'messages' are directed at any person inparticular..they weren't. Im only trying to have a 'conversation' about the matter and maybe help those who are in 2 minds in having a scan or not. maybe allowing them to see both sides and help guide them in their decission.

If my points were to be directed at someone, id start the sentence with that persons name . So please if you read something I have posted....dont take it upon yourself to think its personally for you.

Maybe my old age is coming through and my own personal regrets in the pre birth treatment we had. I know its unchangeable and something I will have to live with now.

I truely find it fasinating that we have such vast views on the topic and its healthy to be able to chat freely about the subject. I read so much about free birth, home birth, breast feeding, I just find it fasinating whilst some are against 'medical' help during birth that some seek it before hand IFYKWIM