What to do with toddler when giving birth?!

[ickledoormouse]

Ladies,

I'm due to have my second baby in April (the Angliss) and my husband and I are desperately trying to work out what to do with our little girl when the time comes.

We've only been in Australia a year and are even newer to the current area we live in (couple of months). We don't know anyone well enough to approach them with this problem; those we do know have kids of the same age and aren't able to drop everything in the middle of the night if it came to it, plus they also have work and childcare of their own to organise. Our neighbours are all working and much older than us, plus only knowing them for a couple of months we'd be pushing it!

I figure our best option is to hire someone who will be prepared to drop everything when the time comes and care for Freyja in our house, but don't even know where to start. Freyja is perfectly happy to be left with anyone, but I'd like it to be someone she could at least meet a few times beforehand.

I'd appreciate any suggestions or recommendations. We live in Belgrave (must update location!).

Thanks,
K

[Visitor7]

Is there a babysitting service in your area which you could contact now and suss out? Have a look in your phone book, the Internet or check with your council for one.
Good luck.

[Amity]

You could always hire a doula (or two) one to look after your child and one to help you...

[ickledoormouse]

Jodi - there's no doubts loads of babysitting services in the area. One called Creative Care4kidz is based really close. I might drop them an email.

Anyone used them?

Divvy, aren't doulas an expensive option?

[Lulu]

Have you thought about having her in with you?

[ickledoormouse]

Hi Lulu - I don't think that would be a great idea. She's only be 22 months when the baby comes and could be very frightened by the whole thing. If she was older and capable of understanding what was going on, then that would be different.

Also, it would mean that my husband would have to leave to care for her when she needed her nap etc and we both very much want him there!

[Michelle71]

Look at the option of having someone dedicated to looking after her during labour so you are able to get her to meet her sibling ASAP after the birth. The carer can remove her from the area if she is distressed or distract her in another part of the room.

DS was 18mo when DD was born. His godmother met us at the hospital and looked after him while waiting for DD to make an appearance but he was there to meet her very soon after birth. I hope we can do the same for this one.

[Twin Sister]

Is there anyone in your family that could come and stay with you around the time the baby is due and sty on until after the baby comes??

[AwesomeFoursome]

My DS was 18 months when my DD was born. DS was meant to go to a neighbour's house but when it came time I couldn't leave him, I wanted my boy with me, he had never left before. I was so proud of DS, during the birth he just watched a dvd and played the whole time. He occasionally came over and checked me then went back playing. As soon as DD was born DS came over to meet his little sister, he gave her lots of smiles. He adores his sister and is very protective of her, I think him being at the birth helped him take to her so quickly. We had someone else organised to care for DS in the labour ward/hospital if he came with us but when it came time it was 3am and they wouldn't get out of bed. They said the car had a flat battery but I don't believe that for a second.
Whatever you do it may be important to have a back up in case one falls through. I hope you can get it worked out quickly.

[MantaRay]

When DS2 was born, DS1 was 19 months. We had planned for my MIL to be staying with us before the birth to look after DS1 when the time came. But DS2 had other ideas and arrived 4 weeks early while MIL was still interstate. As it was a very quick labour, we ended up having to take DS1 to hossy with us and call a friend to pick him up. So DS1 saw me in labour in the birthing suite first. Then no sooner had the friend come to get him, then DS2 was born, so he was back there just after the birth and the first thing he did was climb up on the cot thing to look at his little brother - without even having the baby pointed out to him.

He was so un-phased by the whole thing - and in fact having seen me in labour and then see his new brother in the same room not long after seemed to help him understand about the birth and adapt to it all. In hindsight I regret not letting him stay through the birth.

The only thing is you still need someone extra there to care for your DD, or someone to support you while your DH looks after her.

GL - I hope you find something that works.

[Mummato2]

We were in the exact same dilemma as you are - my son will be 22 months when this baby is born and I have no one around me that I can ask.

We looked into the private nanny scenario and asked her to be on call for us for the entire month of Feb - with a few full days prior so that my son would know who she was and asked her absolute reassurance that she'll be there when we call her - no matter what time of the day it was.

So that was one option - but I had an uneasy feeling about the whole thing especially since it meant being in our home when we weren't here (very different when you know the person). Also, while she was saying that it wouldn't be an issue to get a call at all hours of the night, I kept thinking to myself "but where would we be if she makes an excuse and can't come in AND I AM IN LABOUR - then we'll be screwed"

I then rang a babysitting / nanny agency and asked them if they could guarantee "anyone" be available if I call at 3am and they said they couldn't guarantee anyone - we would have to see on the day

SO then we looked at friends around us that had children themselves - but were out of the area.....logistically that wasn't going to work and I couldn't ask them to get out of bed at 3am when they had their own families to come to me.

We were getting desperate, started looking at the option of a Doula to keep an eye on Cooper as well as be a good general support, but being honest with myself, even if there were 10 people there in the room looking after Cooper, as his mum I would still have one eye open for him and not be able to concentrate on myself - which is what I really, really wanted to do.

SO our last option was to have my mother come out all the way from Broken Hill (we live near Newcastle NSW) - she is a midwife and we were going to have a Home Birth which suited me a bit better being that Cooper would be at home, we could have dvd's and toys all set up in another room and between my mum and DH he would be cared for.

But then I started thinking that it would still be distracting for him - he is an extremely alert and inquisitive little boy and I would have hated to feel restricted in my actions on the day in worry of scaring him - so we've now arranged my mum to look after him and go to the Birth Centre (which is the closest to being at home).

Sorry - long post I know - but these were the options we covered - hopefully one of them may help you with a decision......what about work colleagues of your DH - is there anyone he'd be comfortable asking?

What about a Doula and take your littlie into the hospital BUT kept outside with toys, pillows etc? But if your little one is anything like mine, hours there would create a monster Not sure if a Doula would be happy to be hired to stay back at your place to look after your little one (you'd have to ring around to see if this is "appropriate") benefit is you'd get the pre and post natal support of a Doula on top of a babysitter that's reliable!

[RoyaUK]

hI there,

A nanny or babysitter she can meet a few times beforehand sounds like a great idea.

I was talking to a midwife at the hospital where i'm giving birth next month and she said if we get caught out and have to bring the children with us, they will contact social services who will mind the children until someone can pick them up.

It would be pretty stressful to be in labour and thinking about the care of your daughter at the same time but i was comforted that the 'system' does cater for emergencies like that.

[blackduckies]

My DS was 15 months old when his sister came along..he got to see me in labour for a few hours and the look on his little face was to much he was very worried for his mummy even at that young age, it was time to drop him off well before we did, luckily I had my parents watching over him. I am surre he would'nt remember but i would'nt be able to feel happy about it.
Family day care might be a good option, they do occasional care and have children overnight, I am sure if you worked in with them and dropped your little girl off when they had a quiet spot she would get to know the carer..before the time came..
I also would'nt write your neighbours off, especially the older ones, they possibly have grandchildren off their own and would be quite willing to care for you baby girl when the time came, even prepred to take a day off work if nessecary... if someone asked me I would be only tooo happy to help.. I say introduce yourself and if you feel the right vibe meantion your predicatment, if they are willing they will offer.

[Lolli]

Hi just wanted to add, my ds was with me for pretty much my entire labour. Dh took him away when the actual birthing part was happening. For the earlier parts, he was happy to watch a DVD.

It does scare them a little, I could see that on ds's face but it definately helped him understand what was going on. I don't think it traumatised him at all, and had it had all been better planned and prepared for, the distress for him would have been even more minimal.

Just food for thought

[StephV]

I understand where you're coming from, my little one will be about 16 mths. I bet any of your female neighbours would not mind in the lest if they got a knock on the door at 3am for emergency help. Its amazing how people really rally together during this time.

The other option you may want to think about is doing the ante natal course at the hospital. I know its your second but then you might find someone to help. My sister is now very close to 2 couples from her course and still sees them (2 years later) and one of my best friends is someone I met at my class (12 months ago).

***My hubby's suggestion "Are you in the Point Cook area?"....what a sweetie.

[~ Mylitta ~]

***My hubby's suggestion "Are you in the Point Cook area?"....what a sweetie.

Lol, the first thing I did was open google maps to see how close you are, hehe. Unfortunately you're not as close as I had hoped, or I would have offered myself as a babysitter! If you decide you want your daughter to be at the birth, you could maybe think about hiring a trainee doula. I think they are much cheaper and I think many of them need the experience of just being at a birth. It's also probably good for them to get experience with birth where their are other children present as well.

Otherwise, I think the babysitter idea is a good one as long as you can get a chance to get to know the person first. Are there any playgroups or mothers groups where you could possibly get to know other parents that might be willing to help you out?

[Ashmum]

We are in the same situation as you! I'm due in March & our little one is 28 months. As others have said, she's pretty bright & inquisitive & I can't see her sitting quietly at the hospital! Besides, I really don't want her there, she gets concerned enough at the obstetricians when I lie up on the couch! Although DH thinks we should bring her, and he can take her out when he needs to... (what about me?!)

Both our families are overseas, most of our local friends have small children of their own/ will be at work etc. For the daytime it wouldn't be too bad as she goes to daycare 3 days and could get casual care if it was one of the other days. My first choice friend who has minded her lots before lives in the city & doesn't drive- so if it's the middle of the night, she has said she'd just get a taxi down ( we live in Berwick). Another friend locally has said she'll call in sick to work if need be, but she has 2 little ones of her own & I hate feeling like I'm imposing on people...

Sorry, that's not a lot of help but just to say you're not alone in this!!

Big hugs,
Ash.xx