My MIL (who is a stubborn cow!) smokes and we had this issue when my DD was born. Not only at her house... but mine too and DH and I don't smoke! Easy enough to manage at my house - 'put your cigarette out, you CAN NOT smoke in my house'. Much harder to deal with at her house. I asked her nicely if she would mind not smoking PLEASE when we were visiting and I explained to her all the risks to DD by being exposed to smoke. Her response was 'It's my house and I'll do as I please'. My DH has never stood up to his mother and pussy footed around the issue. I used to take my DD outside when MIL smoked and fume with anger and resentment.

One day, my MIL was HOLDING my DD when she lit up a cigarette (at her house). I took my DD from her and said ' I've asked you not to smoke around her and you stand there and light up a fag while you're holding her? Who do you think you are?' Her response, 'I'm the lady of this house (yep... seriously) and I will do as I please'. So I responded with, ' and I'm her mother and I'll do as I please. DH, your mother can choose to smoke in her own home - I can choose not to bring my DD here. I'm leaving... are you coming?' DH quickly packed up our stuff whilst I flounced off to the car... and I refused to go back there for several months - until DH dealt with her mother and she agreed to only smoke outside if we were visiting. She's still a stubborn cow and I visit as rarely as I can, the house stinks like an ashtray. Anyway... you can't make Rob stop smoking in his own home, but you CAN refuse to visit their house or to allow him to hold your bub if he does smoke. And I agree with the PP's - you need to get your DH on board NOW on this issue.

AS for no one holding your bub in the NICU or SCN, get the MW's on side early, tell them what you want and they can deal with any visitor's so that you can focus on your bub.