Worried about MIL smoking around me and bubs

[Traveller]

I had a similar issue with my mother. We went to visit when my twins were a few months old and although I had asked her (nicely) not to smoke in the house, she was lighting up once the babies were in bed. The smoke clung to everything in the house and my boytwin (who has health issues) became very sick. Although my mothers instinct had been not to stay with her my desire not to offend won and I let my child become sick as a result.

The next visit I said that I understood it was her house and respected her right to smoke, but that I could not expose my child to that. She was a teensy bit offended at first but she got over it and it hasn't affected our relationship.

As for smokers holding your child in the SCBU, you are absolutely right to worry about this. Your DH's family may whine and moan, maybe talk about you behind your back, but in the end your main job is to protect your child and on some level they will understand that.

Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy

xoxo

[~*familyof3*~]

im just plain against it i would simply be a cow and say look if you smaoke in the home or near my child i will leave and i wont come back and then if you wish to visit it will be in my home with my rules. This is a child's health not a toy and she should respect that and if she cant then she does not get the right to be a part of it.

[luna moth]

Maybe the new warning on cigarette packets could be "Caution: May cause family members to deny you access to your grandchildren."

[Yarrawin]

I agree with a lot of what has been said above. Sorry, but I don't have a useful contribution I just wanted to say thanks for asking this question. After our baby is born the three of us are moving to the UK and until our stuff arrives from Australia we will be living with my DH's parents. FIL and BIL both smoke and I have been really worried about how to handle this issue, this has been a really helpful thread even though the situation isn't quite the same!

[Charlotte91]

I'm glad its helped!!

Tried to talk to DP about it. He doesnt see any problem with me staying with MIL while pregnant and got grumpy when I said that bubs and I wouldn't be staying with her.
I said that he could, but bub and I wouldn't be. I bought up bub's health issues and said that bub's health comes first.
He asked if that means that I would never stay with her and I said yes. He thinks that she'll smoke outside while we're there, but I know her partner won't.
DP won't speak anymore on the subject. He walked out of the room when I was trying to talk to him. I've never seen him get upset like that before.
What should I do?? What points should I make??
Bub's health comes first and I'm not going to jeopardize that.

Thanks again!

[Yarrawin]

I'm glad its helped!!

Tried to talk to DP about it. He doesnt see any problem with me staying with MIL while pregnant and got grumpy when I said that bubs and I wouldn't be staying with her.
I said that he could, but bub and I wouldn't be. I bought up bub's health issues and said that bub's health comes first.
He asked if that means that I would never stay with her and I said yes. He thinks that she'll smoke outside while we're there, but I know her partner won't.
DP won't speak anymore on the subject. He walked out of the room when I was trying to talk to him. I've never seen him get upset like that before.
What should I do?? What points should I make??
Bub's health comes first and I'm not going to jeopardize that.

Thanks again!

All I can say is stand your ground, honey. I haven't had to deal with that one yet, but know I will. Maybe you could speak to your ob or a midwife about what being in a smokey house would do and then give that info to your DH? Or maybe they could have a word with both of you (on your request but unknown to your DH) about the importance of not exposing bubs to smoke?

I reckon I'd flatten my DH if he did what yours has done, but then my lovely pregnancy hormones have made me rather scary!

[Lana]

Do some Googling about third hand smoke and babies. This will provide you with evidence to give your DP about the effects of the chemicals in cigarettes on babies. It is not just when someone is smoking around the baby but the residue left on furniture, clothes and skin (eg hands holding your baby) hours even days after and that newborns are susceptible to low levels of these toxins.

Maybe also reassure him it's not that you don't want your baby to have a relationship with his Mum it's just the smoking that it the issue.

Tricky situation good luck!

[juniper76]

GL with dealing with this. Family can always make things so difficult.

I stayed with my sister and BIL when I was in Sydney in August and I asked them if they could not smoke in the house while I was there. They stopped smoking in the house a few weeks before and it was the first time I've been there and haven't been hit by a wall of smoke smell as soon as the front door was opened.

I think the suggestions to educate your inlaws on the dangers of second hand smoke are good. Can you send them information beforehand, just to explain why you are asking for their cooperation? If you make it all about your baby and the health problems rather than about you, then I don't see how they can justify being upset if you need to set some restrictions.