I had a similar issue with my mother. We went to visit when my twins were a few months old and although I had asked her (nicely) not to smoke in the house, she was lighting up once the babies were in bed. The smoke clung to everything in the house and my boytwin (who has health issues) became very sick. Although my mothers instinct had been not to stay with her my desire not to offend won and I let my child become sick as a result.

The next visit I said that I understood it was her house and respected her right to smoke, but that I could not expose my child to that. She was a teensy bit offended at first but she got over it and it hasn't affected our relationship.

As for smokers holding your child in the SCBU, you are absolutely right to worry about this. Your DH's family may whine and moan, maybe talk about you behind your back, but in the end your main job is to protect your child and on some level they will understand that.

Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy

xoxo