I wish you all the best in making your decision. It's a hard one and one that not many people will understand. I think you really need to see a counselor. My DH and I have differing views (as does my mother - but no one even asked for her opinion!). I am going to wait for a few years before we decide, I think the $100 per 6 months is just another bill that needs paying and it means i don't have to address the decision until i'm ready.

I can only offer you a big hug and I'm sure whatever you do will be the best for you and your whole family.