Pre children, I would have liked a 4-5 year gap between #1 and #2. Then I had Liebling and wanted to start TTC when he was 6 days old. I didn't want a 2 year gap, but would have been OK with 3.
Now it looks like it will be a 7 year gap, minimum. More likely to be closer to 8 years. That's the gap I would have been happy with between #1 and #3!
Does it get easier? Well, I'm not getting up every night or washing nappies now, so yes. I would have hated for Liebs to start regularly sleeping all night and then had a baby who didn't! I could cope with no sleep from 2 children as you have no sleep from one anyway, so why not share it? Same with nappies, they're being used anyway.
And I feel that Liebling has had a better start by DH and I not having #2 just yet. He has really needed a lot of attention in these last five and a lot years; before 4 years he couldn't have coped emotionally with a sibling, and he didn't cope well starting school, then two school moves. So I focus on Liebling and what's best for him.
If Stormageddon is always a promise away, then I will be upset. I never wanted only one child. But it is easier now Liebling is growing up. I want to give birth, I want my baby, I want a larger family and a greater chance of grandchildren. It won't be good for Liebling to have all my expectations on him as an adult! But I know I can live with it, albeit not in complete happiness.
I know just what you mean. It took us 3.5 years to get DD. We started TTC as soon as AF returned because we wanted an 18 month age gap and because we didn't want to give my endo time to grow back. Miracle of miracles, we got a BFP quickly with a due date just 5 days after DD was 18 months! Then we ended up with a d&c at 11wks and we've had no luck since (now 9 months since the d&c). If we conceive this month we're up to a 2.5 year age gap. If it takes us 3.5 years of TTC again, she will be almost 5 before she has a sibling.
But what scares me most is that it may never happen. The reality is that we probably won't still be TTC at the 3.5 years mark because my eggs will have all but run out by then. We can only afford 1 more IVF (it took 5 to get DD) and I don't even know if we should try because I honestly don't expect it to work.
I know exactly what you mean and I'm sorry to hear you feel the same way.
When ttc my last I struggled with the age gap also. I wanted 18monthd DH 2yrs. The 6months at the time felt like forever so when I started ttc when DD was 15months old I felt like I'd already been trying for those 6months. Then I didn't fall pregnant and had an ectopic pregnancy and 2 m/c over the following 2years. Eventually DD arrived 4yrs later. Now she is here it helps that once you have them you feel that this baby is the one your suppose to have. I couldn't imagine life without Jo and know I had to go through what I did to get her. I still get sad and wonder about the babies I lost. I wonder what gender they would have been and how my life would be different if I had them instead of Jo. There are good things about the bigger gap and then there are harder things. It's hard when people say how easy it must be having a big gap etc. well I didn't want the big gap and it's not easy having a newborn or toddler and waking them up every morning and evening to take the eldest to school. There needs are always going to be different. Not to mention the financial impact on your family. If I don't have another I would have had an under6 at home before kinder for 16years which had meant for us I can't work to my full capacity so financially it can be tough.
We're not LTTTC, we did start TTC beginning of last year however we are a same-sex couple so our circumstances are our own doing. That said, we did hope when we first had DD of an age gap of 2-3 years. I never wanted an age gap of more than 3 years, but finances and work circumstances pushed it back, and I had to be ok with possibley 3 years, maybe 3.5, and then when pregnancy didn't happen last year I then had to be ok with a 4 year age gap. DD will be 4 years 3 months when this little one is born in a few weeks. At first I was disappointed. I came from a big family, my sister and I were 18 months apart and I liked that, we always had someone to play with (and fight with LOL). I was so angry with myself that DD had missed out on that closeness and having to be alone in her early childhood, play by herself, not have someone to share and giggle and whisper with. I am slowly becoming ok with it although still very sad for her, she is a wonderful age to be a big sister and is very sypathetic to when I need to rest and has helped pick out a lot of things for her little sister, so while I am sad it didn't happen 2 years ago and that she doesn't have a small age gap, she is hitting her 'perfect age' in relation to being a big sister. (I'm just hoping she can grow out of her 4yo tantums and attitude in the next few weeks LOL!).
I did struggle with the thought that another one might not happen, but again that was mostly circumstance. I was worried that we might never be able to afford more cycles, and then while we had some issues conceiving last year, they were fairly normal and related to time (and some PCOS and hormone issues) which is fairly minor in comparison to most.
I completely understand where you are coming from!
We were LTTTC-ers before our first baby and because of that decided small age gaps were going to be better for us. We had our three boys in 3 years. We decided to continue on for baby #4 but unfortunately we had another stint at LTTTC and I had 4 miscarriages. Im 13wks pregnant now and my youngest son will be 4y1m when baby is born. We NEVER intended of having a big age gap like that at all and I have so many reservations about it, especially with the other kids being so much older. I wish it were different but we got dealt the hand we did and Im just going to hope for the best. I keep trying to remember the perks of a larger age gap vs the smaller ones we had before but its a very scary prospect, isnt it?
I was terrified of it. I'm not LTTTC, but I had a molar pregnancy and enforced wait before TTc again. Before I even had number 1, I was just so worried about the emotional impact of not being able to control that age gap. But I tried to be very zen about it all, when thinking about number 2, and let the universe decide when the time was right. As a result, weve ended up with a much smaller age gap than I'd ever imagined or planned, but that's just how it was. I'm so sorry that you're in this place
There are pros and cons to every age gap, and none is perfect. When you get that rainbow baby in your arms, timing won't matter a scrap. It will be a golden moment no matter how far apart your kids are. But I will cross my fingers that it's sooner rather than later for you.
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