Does anyone else feel cheated?

[dusty]

Moving this thread to the PALTTTC area.

[tippytoes]

Hey Hun

I think all the intervention and assisted conception does take the innocence out of conception. The romance of the notion is destroyed... IYKWIM!

I think I have been more worried etc firstly, cause of the miscarriage, and secondly I think well if the sperm was injected into the egg how do we know it is strong enough to make the bubby..... I guess I keep telling myself 'It will be fine, we have made it this far'. I had a scan last Firday cause I was so paranoid about stretching pains..... Now I do feel a sense of relief cause bubs looks amazing lots of movements and definately healthy!

Anyhow, YES I do think it is normal to feel cheated out of the natural miricle that can occur - but then when I really think about it......our babies really are the true miracles becuase they are here/on their way against so many odds!!!!!!!


Rach xx

[Nixon]

Hey Farmgirl.

I think most of us have felt similarly to you at some point in the prenancy after the inital joy (shock/disbelief) of a BFP.

Friends don't understand why we aren't gabbering away about the baby and being pregnant. Why we don't go out and buy heaps of things as soon as we find out. Why we may not seem to be over joyed at the fact that we are pregnant and why we are so stressed about going for scans. The way they see it is that they're off to have a sneak peak at their little bundle of joy. The way we see it is another opportunity to be told that there is no heartbeating within our prescious precious babies.

My feelings have changed a lot since late in the first trimester thru til now. I feel a lot more comfortable. Slowly over time as my baby started to kick and my belly continued to grow I started to feel more like this was meant to be. I truely believe that everything happens for a reason and if this was the way my baby was meant to come to us then it must be for the best possible reason. Who knows what that reason is yet, but I suppose I am going to just think of it as something exciting and full of possibilities. Maybe because my baby was an IVF baby they will go on to study medicine and go into this field of miracle work. I don't know. There could be an infinate number of reasons why this was the way it had to be for us.

There are also women who do concieve naturally and then disaster strikes. My SIL's first baby died inside her at 10 days over due. My aunt's baby had a hole in it's brain and was terminated. Another aunt's baby died of SIDS. My SIL now has a happy and healthy 2yr old - I can't even contemplate how scary it must have been even to decide to try again after that let alone how much fear she must have had right up until her baby as in her arms. But women are strong and women will do whatever needs to be done.

Farmgirl - I hope you can find a way to be happy and feel secure in your pregnancy. Don't feel bad for the way you feel - just feel it, own it and let it go. For me I think I just got to a point where I figured - I might as well enjoy this now and whatever happens in the future I'll deal with then.

Sorry for the long post.

[Possums]

FG- absolutely normal if you ask me! I have felt exactly as you feel...I still feel that way even though I am not currently pregnant, because I know when I AM pregnant, I will never have that innocent joy, especially now after our three losses on top of things. I am dealing with a fair bit of anger still at the moment, so please excuse that, but it makes me annoyed and upset that life is so unfair, that those who really dont seem to care get to have that easy conception, and easy pregnancy.

My hope is, and I hope this works for you, is that later in the pregnancy, when you can feel movement etc that the joy will increase and anxiety reduce, at least a bit!
And do your best to focus on the joyful parts, while accepting that you will also be anxious.

[NaeNae]

.

Friends don't understand why we aren't gabbering away about the baby and being pregnant. Why we don't go out and buy heaps of things as soon as we find out. Why we may not seem to be over joyed at the fact that we are pregnant and why we are so stressed about going for scans. The way they see it is that they're off to have a sneak peak at their little bundle of joy. The way we see it is another opportunity to be told that there is no heartbeating within our prescious precious babies.
.

Farmgirl - Nixon hit it on the head. What you are feeling is quite normal and is not restricted to women who conceive through IVF. There are many women who can fall pregnant easily but cannot hold onto that pregnancy and experience loss after loss. While we get that excitment of the BFP shock - I can assure you that what follows immediately is "will this one stick?" and the self doubt in our body and our abilities to carry a pregnancy.

While you have to have a C-Sec - try not to think about it as yet another medical intervention. You are giving your baby the best possible start to life it doesn't matter whether its the sunroof or corridor, when you hear that baby cry for the first time it won't matter because you will be so elated in that moment everything you have been through to get to that point will be forgotten (at least in that one moment )

Big try to enjoy your pregnancy while it lasts, every moment is precious.

Love Nae x

[nicjay]

Hi FG,

I think what you are feeling is totally normal, well I feel that way anyway!

I'm speaking from the point of view of someone who has sat on both sides of the fence, I have a 4 year old DD conceived naturally and with no problems and a problem free pg and birth. I'm still not really sure whether I had a problem all along and we just got lucky so to speak with her, or if the problems appeared after her birth I suspect the first is the case though. Conceiving our 2nd child however has been a challenge to say the least, with miscarriage and fertility treatments over the last 2 years.

I have often looked back over the last 18 months or so to my pg with DD with nostalgia, I never worried about miscarriage, ob visits or scans or anything at all going wrong. I just enjoyed it and it was a wonderful time of my life. This time around though has been exactly like you describe, constant worry about the next scan, ob visit and what might go wrong I'm only just starting to think that maybe with actually will bring this one home, especially as I have had a few good ob visits in a row now and have also started to feel movements in the last week or so. So I hope that as time goes on you also will start to relax and enjoy being pg more. Maybe the feeling of cheated won't go away totally, but it will be pushed more to the back of your mind by everything else that is happening and the wonder of your growing baby.

As for the CS, trust me when they give you your baby you won't care how he or she arrived, you will just be so happy to finally hold them

Here's to a happy, healthy and stress free pregnancy

All the best!

[farmgirl77]

Thanks everyone - it is good to know that these feelings are normal, and expected! I really cant wait to hold my little one, that is what I need to focus on, and try and relax about the rest.
Thanks again.
FG

[amberj]

I hope you don't mind my posting in here- I am not LT/TTC and had little problem getting pregnant, but I saw this in 'new posts' and was interested.

First, I just wanted to say thank you for opening my eyes to this perspective. I had never considered it, but I can totally see where you all are coming from. I imagine it is absolutely heart-breaking to have to go through ART and loss and I admire you all so much.

Secondly, and I'm not quite sure how to say this, I wanted to say that when I was pregnant and in touch with a big group of similarly pregnant ladies, one thing I really, really admired about the ladies who had gone through so much to get pregnant was that they were so appreciative, and they really cherished their pregnancies. I know it must come with an enormous amount of fear and vulnerability, but I found you guys dealt so much better with all the icky bits of pregnancy and were really able to maintain the joy of pregnancy right alongside the fear and the unpleasant bits. I just always admired that, and thought that they all got something really precious out of their extremely difficult experiences as well. Not that I would wish that on anyone, just to point out something cool I noticed.

I'm not in any way trying to discount or distract from what you are experiencing, it just made me remember all this and want to share it. Sorry if I've hi-jacked!

Best of luck with your pregnancy!