Excited and scared- coming to terms with the next stage
Hi everyone,
My DH and I are thrilled that I am finally pregnant and pray our little miracle stays there happy and healthy, and that come next May we have our longed for baby in our arms.
I have however noticed a shift in my thinking, which I have been adjusting to.
I think when we were TTC and then going through IVF all I thought about was GETTING pregnant...and when would it happen, and longing for a baby. The fears and worries I had previously had (when naturally TTC at the start) ....about how we would cope as parents, how I would cope as a mum, would I be a good mum, how I would adjust to the radical change in my life after a full-on career, travel etc to such a new and different role and responsibilities... all those things just faded into the background, as the focus went entirely onto becoming pregnant and the processes, uncertainty and stress involved with that. Now that I am pregnant I am so happy but also a bit scared again...so is DH.... just about how we will cope as parents and with the changes. We want our little bundle so much and just hope we can rise to the task of being great parents. I think watching a friend just survive the first 6 weeks of motherhood and struggle quite a bit, has also really highlighted to me just how tough being a new mum can be. Plus people who know I am pregnant, keep telling me scary stories about birth/motherhood!
Can others relate? I realise it's all probably natural emotions, it's just been a more noticeable shift, coming off IVF etc. Plus part of me feels almost guilty for feeling any emotion other than pure joy and elation (which I do of course feel) at all times, when we have struggled for our little one and want our baby so much....and many others are still struggling to reach their long-awaited BFP.
I could have written your post myself! I am feeling exactly the same!
I've spent so much energy getting through the TTC journey that I haven't let myself think about what comes next. DH and I are just taking it day by day...making sure we celebrate our miracle everyday and acknowledging our fears honestly with each other. I feel so guilty when I feel scared etc...so when I feel like that I rub my tummy and talk to bub. I had a big chat to my Ob last week and he assured me that these thoughts are totally normal and that it probably won't all sink in until our little one is in our arms. It's going to be a long pregnancy!!!!!
From the moment I decided to try for children til I gave birth it was a 14 year journey. There was a couple of years off TTC in the middle (between relationships).
Whilst I was pregnant my biggest fear was miscarriage. I guess the next biggest fear was would I be one of those women you hear about that after many years of TTC find it hard being a mum. I was particularly concerned about it as being 42 I'd also read that older 1st time mums can have huge difficulties adjusting to motherhood - having to surrender that control you've had over your life for so long.
I was pleasantly surprised about how easily I've adjusted to motherhood. Yeah there have been moments, but I've never felt sleep deprived.... tired but no worse than when pregnant. We also didn't get a baby that cries all the time. Not everyone gets that experience. I had a difficult birth, a sick baby at birth and BF didn't work well for us yet by 6 weeks I felt completely normal and things were falling into place routinewise.
Having spent a lot of my pregnancy worried about one thing or another all I can recommend is to try not to dwell on negative things. Although a pregnancy seems to go forever while you are pregnant, once you've had bubs it feels like it was over in the blink of an eye. Try to just enjoy your pregnancy as much as you can as you can't do that precious time over.
Thanks for the replies. I will try to relax ...lol.
It's true, I worry about losing our little one as it's still such early days, then I worry about how I will be as a mum! My overriding feelings are ones of excitement, joy, anticipation and amazement at what is happening inside...I will try to just sink into those feelings and not dwell too much on the others.
Congratulations! It is an amazing time for you. I wish you all the best for a healthy and very happy pregnancy. Parenting will be all the sweeter since we have had to wait, thats how I look at it. One step at a time, all of those cliches really. And if this week has taught me any cliche better it is NOT TO SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.
I really think that LTTC affects how you parent- definately
Our twins are now 5 years old- and reflecting back- i know that they struggle we had to go through to conceive them and then for them to survive being prem made me so much more clingy than other mums i know
for instance - my kids have only been babysat about 3 times when we had no choice, and that was only for a couple of hours. I do not let them out of my sight unless i absolulety have to. We dont do anything without them. We go- they go!
It has also made me appreciate that even on crappy days when everything is getting overwhelming- how damm greatful i am to have them. I still go and check on them every night when the are asleep to look in awe how special they are.
We were sitting in the OB's office the other day- marvelling how great it was that we were there to start with and we were there 20 weeks pg- reflecting how greatful we were. Another woman was there with her 3 other kids- she was pg herself. Afterwards she had to make appointment for her 20 week scan and carried on cause she was thinking of going on holidays and her scan might interfer with her wanting to go- couldnt they just put it off she wondered for another few weeks??? WTF
It was amazing the difference in our thinking and mentally- and I believe that LTTC had a lot to do with it
That certainly makes sense....thanks for the replies. And even when people tell me their 'horror' stories about birth or motherhood, in the back of my mind i think, but I am just so relieved and happy to be on this side of the fence, my little one will always be a miracle, that managed to start growing in a lab, survived being frozen and thawed and put back inside me, and still managed to cling on and grow and is now developing into a baby! wow. amazing. when we saw the heartbeat on our scan at 6wks 5 days it just blew us away yesterday. It feels more real and even more amazing. And having a little worry (HCG numbers not rising textbook style) made me again cherish the successful milestone more.
Excited and scared- coming to terms with the next stage
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