I am so scared

[luna moth]

Aw hon Please try to relax and enjoy it. You deserve it! Maybe take a day for yourself, pamper yourself, get your hair cut, nails done, get a facial and have a soak in the bath, go to the movies and eat whatever you want. Meditate or go for a walk on the beach / rainforest. Connect with your body and your baby Everything will be fine xoxoxoxo

^^ do all of that. And eat some more fertility bun.

It is OK to feel this way. I used to tear up all the time too, and the only person who tuned in and "got it" was my mum. And a couple of work colleagues. So my tactic, if it came up, was to pretend I had to vomit (morning sickness, it's feasible) It works if you're on the phone, or in a house, or in a box, or with a fox. If it comes up, you roll out a bit of "excuse me, I'm just not feeling very well" Then you dash to the toilets, climb out the window and run away.

Don't actually climb out the window. Go back, change the subject, if you need another tactic, get dizzy and excuse yourself to have a lie down.

But take a break, remove yourself from those situations. If you don't want to talk about it, don't talk about it. It's OK to be scared. (I assume so, anyway, because I was, and my kid turned out pretty good) This isn't against all odds. Most pregnancies survive. The majority of them actually truly do. Heck, even 50% of mine have...

Try to breathe... we've got a lot of breath-holding in front of us yet.

[YoYo]

Big Deeep breaths Honey

Take it in, and if you have to tell your Mum or anyone else for that matter to not ask about it, then do it. Tell them you need to take it in for yourself, and right now you just don't feel like sharing.

With or without IVF we all kind of feel the same, you just never know. You just have to hope and pray that all will be OK.

Add IVF in the mix, the hormones, the processes of it all and you have another reason to be a bit more sensitive I suppose. I can't speak from that perspective though.

I can support and hold your hand and hope for you that you will receive your most wanted and deserved baby at the end of your pregnancy.

[MummaSue]

[mummydreamer]

didn't want to read and not post whilst i didn't go through IVF, i know that fear of getting attached to the baby and that something might go wrong. all i can say is, usually its unwarranted, i truly hope this pregnancy is fine for you and the chances are it will be. lots of *sticky vibes* and try and relax as much as you can Good luck xxx

[Elocin]

Thanks ladies.

I know I need to take it one day at a time and I know that the odds are on my side. I want to accept it and enjoy my pregnancy. Something is holding me back, I just can't figure out what.

I'm seeing my parents and a big group of friends this weekend, all of which are beside themselves with excitement. I'm dreading it. I'm trying to work out how to convince everyone I'm happy and excited about it. If I can't even get through a phone conversation, how am I going to manage 5 days?

Just how different were the measurements? Maybe we can help reassure you on that one at least.

At my first scan, I was 5w3d (IVF dates) and was measuring 5w. Honestly I wasn't too concerned, it's only a few days and it could be due to late implantation.

At the 2nd scan, they didn't really tell me what dates I was measuring. They were just happy that the yolk sac had appeared and they could see the beginnings of the fetel pole. Everyone is happy with the numbers and the measurements. The sonographer, the IVF nurses I've spoken to since Monday, my FS. I just can't get passed the fact that it's measuring small... it's all I'm focusing on.

I am trying to protect myself, although a very wise lady told me last night, that it doesn't matter if I get attached to it or not... if I lose it, it's gunna hurt. I know there's nothing I can do now, just ride the wave.

And eat some more fertility bun.

It's OK to be scared. (I assume so, anyway, because I was, and my kid turned out pretty good)

Dude, I ate so much of that bun, I'm surprised it's not triplets.

Yeah, your kid is alright. You guys give me hope. Honestly, I look at you and what you went through to get her, and it makes my heart smile.

Jo, I appreciate your offer to answer my questions so very much. You are going through so much yourself, and I love you for offering to open up to me while you're in so much pain.

Cherished, you've given me some good coping strategies which I will definitely use over the weekend. I'll be at the beach, so will definitely take the opp to take some alone time.

Yules, you're right - I'm still on Crinone from my IVF cycle, so adding to everything are these nasty little tubes of progesterone. Thank you

I *know* it will sink in. I know that most pregnancies are fine. I know that the majority of pregnancies end with a gorgeous, screaming baby at the end of it. I just don't know how to accept, that after everything I've been through, I'm going to have a 'normal' pregnancy now...

[Possums]

hi, just wanted to also send you a hug and say I know how hard it is in those early weeks! I was so nervous from week to week, and almost waiting for something to go wrong, especially after a few losses. dates can be out by days early on, i've seen that happen before and things turn out just fine.
I think you are just protecting yourself...and that's why it gets hard when people know, because you still feel so scared and nervous and it's almost hard dealing with other people's excitement and their confidence in it all. I felt a bit like that too this time around all through the first tri etc.
hang in there, just focus on little milestones, week to week. x

[snikkers1]

Oh Hunni, sending you the biggest that I can....

[Cassius2]

I *know* it will sink in. I know that most pregnancies are fine. I know that the majority of pregnancies end with a gorgeous, screaming baby at the end of it. I just don't know how to accept, that after everything I've been through, I'm going to have a 'normal' pregnancy now...

This is the crux of it all babe. the journey to get that BFP was huge, long, emotional and full of obstacles. now that you have that beautiful gorgeous BFP and a baby on board you now have the double whammy of finally letting some joy and happiness in (which funnily enough then lets your mind/body reflect on just what this TTC journey has meant and taken ITMS) and not to forget all the 'normal' worries of early pregnancy after LTTTC.

I was in a similar boat after I got the BFP with Leila. I was *convinced* that there was no way the universe would let me keep this baby as by gosh it was a hard hard road to even fall pregnant so surely someone would get the memo that the pregnancy was also going to hard IYKWIM. i dont really know what advice to give you, other than what it will take is your acceptance that this pregnancy is here and now for you and for that baby: measurements, HCG levels can wait, for right now it's you growing this new beautiful human and no one can take the reality of the here and now away from you

[Elocin]

I was in a similar boat after I got the BFP with Leila. I was *convinced* that there was no way the universe would let me keep this baby as by gosh it was a hard hard road to even fall pregnant so surely someone would get the memo that the pregnancy was also going to hard IYKWIM.

That pretty much sums it up.

I had a ****ty time trying to fall. Obviously, that means I'm going to have a ****ty pregnancy.

I don't know how to change that mentality to 'NORMAL'.

I need to stop focusing on the numbers and the scan results. It's growing. That's what I need to focus on...

[Cassius2]

I need to stop focusing on the numbers and the scan results. It's growing. That's what I need to focus on...

i reckon that's one of the unique parts of the IVF journey...so many scans and BTs after the BFP. scans are a blessing and also are a mega stress! man, i have no idea how big Marta's sac or yolk or that was, being a non IVFer you really only get the option of a dating scan early on (which i didnt take up as FF was my dater lol). and so the only time i saw Marta was the 12 week and 20 week (despite wanting to see her like every day and every week lol!) arrghhhh! it is so hard, you want the scans, but you also truly fear them for what they *might* show ITMS...

[entreat]

((hugs))
That's about all I can add. Everyone is saying such wonderful things, I don't want to mess that up. Xx

[onthefly]

It takes time Elocin. And sometimes it takes a long time. And sometimes you're holding your baby in your arms and you're still not quite there.

Right now, everyone is happy with how your baby is doing. That's good - just for right now.
It's so hard when you do IVF and everyone already knows. They can be excited, it's easy for them, but unlike everyone else who gets to wait to announce it when they feel ready to, you don't get that luxury. Is there any way you can get a message to your family to just let it be for now? Maybe your hubby could speak to your mum and pass on the message?