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Thread: Parenting after Long Term TTC #6

  1. #37

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    Lise - my DS had a moses basket and cot 'allergy' I just gave up trying. I expended too much energy trying to put him down all the time because I thought that is what I was 'supposed' to do. I came to the decision that in my heart of hearts it didn't matter to me where he slept and I was just trying to please the Health Visitor (UK version of MCHN) and the myriad of people who went on about cots and 'good' babies who sleep in cots! So he had his day sleeps in the sling or on my lap and was in with us at night. He still is in with us at night but now has his naps on our bed after I feed him to sleep. So I am not the person to ask for advice about how to get them sleeping in a cot!

    Good luck with coming to a sleep solution that suits your family and your baby!


  2. #38

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    Hi Poppy, long time no hear. I hope you are doing well and your bubba looks so gorgeous in your ticker photo....

    Man, I'm so bored today..... It is cold and pouring with rain and just a yucky day. Tara is sleeping and I've done my housework for the day which I'm trying to space out as we are going away on Sunday for a week so I'm making sure I do lots of little things everyday so I can have everything all done before we leave. Apart from that not much else happening here at all, Tara is still coming along in leaps and bounds although she has now taking to wanting to stand up most of the time... One problem though, she still can't pull herself into a standing position and still is not strong enough in her legs to stand up unassisted so this means that mummy or daddy have to help her all the time and if we don't help her then she has a full on tanty. Hopefully this will only be for the next few weeks and then she will have the strength to do it herself. Oh and it is so hard to believe Tara will be 10 months old tomorrow, which means when we are back from holidays I have to start planning her 1st birthday..... where has time gone...

  3. #39

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    My, time has flown Kelly!

    Poppy, for what it's worth, DS happily sleeps in his own bed now, so they do get there eventually, despite what the negative nancys say about never being able to get them out of your bed.

  4. #40

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    Thanks again ladies for the advice. Finn's been on his reflux medication for almost one week now and i'm noticing a small improvement - apparently after a couple of weeks it's even better so fingers crossed... and yeah, regarding getting him to sleep in his moses basket - i've given up! He much prefers to fall asleep in my arms and then I can transfer him to his basket, much easier for everyone. I kind of forget that he's still so little sometimes as it seems we've had him forever and we can see how much he's grown, but really he's just 5 weeks which is still little...

    Kelly - can't believe Tara is trying to stand up already! I think she was just born when I started looking at this thread before joining in, funny to think that the girls just joining the pregnancy after LTTTC thread will be writing this in 9 months

  5. #41
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    happy 10 months old tara.
    kel sorry this transfer didnt work hun but lucky # 5 will be the one hun.

    to all you girls just wanted to say a big hi and i hope all is well.my girl now has 2 teethy pegs woot woot and all is good in smithy land,im just waiting for dh tax to come back and im goin shopping yay i need new clothes.so bring on my tax cheque lol..

  6. #42

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    Do babies go through phases or is he just going to be like this??? He's getting worse by the day in terms of sleeping - today he had 2 x 30 mins naps and one 2.5 hour one in the sling but despite being incredibly tired now and several feeds later he won't stay asleep - keeps waking after 20 mins and nothing we do can get him to sleep for longer. Am at my wits end and not coping...

  7. #43

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    lise it will be phases.

    I remember phases of Sam only sleeping for half an hour at a time, and only in our arms... He still doesn't self-settle (time enough for that later!), but he will now have a three hour sleep during the day and will sleep through the night. The cat-napping phases are horrid. It could be that he's wanting more awake time in between feeds - always a shock to the system when that happens.

    It will pass soon - it doesn't mean he will always be like this.

    BW

  8. #44

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    Yeah, they change constantly.
    This may sound like crappy advice, but sometimes you just have to go with it. He doesn't want to sleep, then he isn't going to. Trying to force the issue (no matter how tired he is or how much he obviously needs to sleep) only makes your life more difficult. It took me a loooooong time to accept this, but when I did finally realise that I was making life harder for myself by stressing about it and instead just let go, things got so much easier.
    If it's day time, just do something else for a bit and then try again. Get out for a walk or stick him back in the sling - whatever might help or at least give you a change of scene.
    At night, maybe try to tag-team with your DH. It's easier to cope if you know you have relief taking over in a few hours.
    DS got worse and worse till around 10-11 weeks. Then he got better. Then he got worse again. Then better. Then worse still... they're all different, but one constant is the way they always change on you.
    Hang in there and just try to grab whatever breaks or rest that you can.

  9. #45

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    Lise - my advice of a mum of two boys, one how slept and a new one who doesnt is go with the flow. Let him sleep when he wants. If I recall right you said he is refluxy bad advice that the clinic nurses would cringe at try (if you are comfortable with it) sleeping him on his tummy. Xavier will only sleep on his tummy and Campbell slept on his tummy during the day and his back at night. I go and check on both boys before I go to bed and they are both asleep on there tummies. We went through a time where Xavier was waking every hour through the night, rolled him onto his tummy and he slept through.

    Hi to everyone else we are still around but busy busy. I feel like all I do at the moment is feed kids.lol I am enjoying staying at home but am also beginning to miss work. Just have to do kindy roster more often.

  10. #46

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    Hello to you all,

    Big hugs to you Kelly with the FET and all that horrid teething. I'm really hoping you all get some relief from the tooth monster soon.

    I just have to have a big fat brag about my wee Jazzy. I just caught up with you all and now you have to realise I love you Kelly but to me, you are the wonder mum who gets everything just perfect and has this over-achieving little teething monster We all know Jazzy is a bit behind all the babies born at the same time, not rolling much when even little Ashton is rolling everywhere. She's not crawling, but wait for it....Jellyfish Jazz is standing all the time and can stand up against things without being held and yesterday she took her first real steps on her own between Andy and me! Of course she isn't standing without holding on but the steps she did naturally, bringing the hips up and practically ran to me on one attempt. It's the cutest thing because she is still sooooo little. I weighed her yesterday for the first time in ages...end of brag She was semi-clothed and with a pooey nappy so as DH put it, this is her weight ringing wet - 6.5 kilos. I should be worried and maybe supplementary feeding but her brain is developing out of sight, she is hitting and exceeding all milestones and always breastfeeding well and goes on and off solids as teething and growing permit. I am not going to give in and take her to a doctor for advice unless I feel that she is failing to thrive (to use their words). I just have a little girl who must have inherited her great grandmother's genes. I think she may skip crawling and go straight to walking at this rate, although at the same time, she is getting crawling a bit sussed and getting those legs out of sitting, rocking forward and propelling a bit. Mostly she is just happy to shuffle on her bum.

    The weather here is cyclonic tonight and I have discovered since moving to the windiest place on the continent that wind really peaks my anxiety. I'm not sure why but I have been awake and anxious since 2am. I tried meditating for about an hour in bed but everyone was snoring but me so here I am.

    I can't add anything useful to the talk of sleep habits, as I have said before, I do all the wrong things according to the books, just like PoppyFairy. I have always held, rocked and breastfed Jasmine to sleep and it has been the perfect fit for our family. I guess both DH and I have a lot of empathy and can't be hard nosed about routines and 'shoulds'. we do like Marcellus suggests, always go with her own rhythms and don't try to put her down when she isn't tired or can't get there herself. It's a big cold scary place out there in the world away from mum and dad and who doesn't want to feel safe and warm? There's time to build those independence skills later down the track but it's a wonderful thing to know that you are the one person (or two) that this little person trusts and feels safe with. It's a cultural thing, in the west it's so frowned upon to give your baby the comfort they want, but other cultures find it perfectly normal to sleep with their baby, to feed and comfort on demand. I find the greatest stress comes from the expectation to do something other than what your instincts tell you is right and for me that is to make my baby feel safe and build her up gradually to find that safe feeling on her own with us as her reference point. Of course that's only one way to do it and like I say if it feels right to do it another way, and you and your baby are happy, then that's great. I get 14 hours of sleep per day out of Jazz doing it her way and that's what works for her.

    Lise, don't underestimate how important your own sleep is. It's not giving in to go with something that feels a bit less rigid. If you are worried about sleeping upright with your baby on your shoulder, that was me my whole pregnancy, sleeping upright with serious indigestion and reflux like your little fella and a breech baby whose head was permanently stuck in my rib cage...urgghhh... the memories. If you get some sleep, whatever way you can, you can make decisions when your head is clearer and you are all happier. Try not to be so hard on yourself and you will start to enjoy this time more I'm sure. It's a hard time for the babies as they can't push wind through yet and there's lots of phases to go through. Good luck.

    Here's a little story from my last trip to the library. I was huddled over some books in a bit of a walkway with jazzy and keen to reduce the trip hazard on people trying to get past, I picked jazzy up and leaned her up against the flash new cubby so she could stand and be out of my way. she was right where I could see her and people kept stopping to ask about her damn gorgeous hat and comment on her. I chatted to a few because those hats are such conversation starters and they put a smile on everyone's faces (they are like cuddle pot and snuggle pie - my cousin has knitted her 5 now and they are soooo cute, but it makes me get so much attention). Anyway back to the kid standing outside the cubby, this lady who may have been Tibetan and spoke no English, started talking to jasmine and then just picked her up and starts slowly walking away with her. Now mothers, are you with me...a stranger has picked up my baby...I had my mental picture of all exits and I was trying to calm myself while my mother's instinct to tear her throat out subsided. I concluded that this was probably a perfectly normal thing in her culture and she just took her around the shelves for a couple of laps before bringing her back, while I was doing my best impersonation of nonchalance which I'nm sure would have looked like sheer terror despite trying to disguise it. I actually get that a bit with people wherever I go wanting to hold her. I do like to give people that connection with this little joy bringer but that library thing had my heart going.

    Well I had better try and get some sleep before the possum wakes for an early feed.

    P.S I stalk you when I can and Smithy I keep looking at your gorgeous Charlie changing all the time.
    Nigh night all, I hope xox

  11. #47

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    Lise - What Murph said about babies, sleep and comforting! Blows my mind how our culture discourages us from loving and comforting our children. I said to someone the other day that it is sad that you have to justify with scientific evidence the fact the you might pick up your child when they cry or cuddle them to sleep etc etc. Also the other ladies are right....nothing is set in stone with a baby...they change daily..just when you think you have it sorted, they go and change on you!!!

  12. #48

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    Thanks ladies for sharing your thoughts and stories. I'm just really struggling because it's not just that Finn doesn't want to sleep in his basket but he doesn't want to sleep anywhere - my arms, in bed with me, anywhere. And in between his catnaps when we can get him to sleep he's unsettled and tired. I'm going to talk with the MACH nurse next week because I'm stressed, tired, teary and spend all day thinking I'm doing the wrong thing. Will let you know how we go.

    Hope everyone is doing well, apologies for the constant me posts and not really giving anything back.

  13. #49

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    It's ok, Lise. I think we've all been there. Do you think he could be in pain and perhaps can't sleep because of it? Wind pain perhaps? Just throwing out ideas at the moment - thinking of things that gave our boy a hard time. Certainly talk to someone if you are having trouble coping.

    BW

  14. #50

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    Lise - between 4-6 weeks they have a wonder week where most of it is related to a developmental change. They are awake more, perceive sensation / taste / sound / movement differently and it is stressful for them. They cry because they don't know how to manage all of the changes. All they want and need is closeness to mummy. You can't spoil them at this age. Cuddle them, put them into a sling and carry them close to you. Massage (although it is harder in winter when you are trying not to snap freeze them!!) - do anything you need to to settle them. And do it without guilt It will pass soon. And then you get the next one

  15. #51

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    Hi All

    Well we are away for a week now to hopefully see some sunshine, we are at the IL's in Merimbula. We arrived yesterday after a mammoth 11 hour drive - including 3 stops - and Tara was such a trooper with very little complaints, although we are all exhausted today especially one little girl.

    Anyway I'm still waiting for AF to show up to get one with our next FET cycle, it's been 7 days now since my last progesterone pessary. I've never had to wait this long after a failed cycle for AF to show her head so if she is not here by the time we get home I'll be onto the clinic to find out what to do. For some reason this cycle has felt strangely odd compared to all my previous FET's. Anyway better go as I have a baby on my lap trying to paly with the laptop.

  16. #52

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    Hello,
    just popping my head in to see how you are going Lise? You'll find that we all rally around at times like now because we have all been through it to some degree. It sounds like Finn is in pain so I hope you get some answers soon. I still sometimes have to think to go back to all the common sense solutions of those early weeks and sometimes it's as easy as bicycling her legs or good old fashioned burping. Jasmine was never great at burping and threw up on any of the wind remedies so I threw them in the bin so for us there were many many weeks of walking and dancing around the veranda of our old Daintree home, rocking this little one. It only really lasted until about 12 weeks when she started being able to pass wind on her own. Some of those wind drops worked wonders with the other girl's babies though if that's your problem.

    Well jazz has just escaped while I had my back turned and has made it into the kitchen by scooting on her bum. tricky bugger..gotta go

  17. #53

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    It's a really hard time Lise, for all of you - and just like Michelle describes, it's very common.
    How much support and help are you getting? I think sometimes we have this idea that mum has to just cope and do everything herself, but that's really unrealistic and no good for mum or baby. Do you have family around to help out? Or anyone else?

    My mum used to come during the day and watch DS for a few hours while I napped. She'd also do a bit of cooking and light housework while she was there - it's easy when you're getting sleep, impossible when you're completely shattered! DH did the second half of the night for those weeks when DS was really unsettled. I meant we both got some uninterrupted sleep, even if only a few hours.

    Glad your DD went well on the trip Kelly.

    Go Jazzy!!

  18. #54
    barney Guest

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    hugs to you lise,you poor bugga i hope things start to get better soon.

    a big hello to all you girls i hope you are all well and all your little bubbas are also well all is good here in smithy land ,charlie and i are busy all day with our chooks and vegy patch lol.we have even made charlie a fairy garden and it looks awsom,i got some fairy lights and bought a heap of flowers and fairy statues and it looks great some colourfull windmills that she loves to look at.ill post a pic as soon as the flowers pick up a bit cause i got seedlings lol.she love to get her 2 eggs every morning and just loves to be out side shes so funny.
    so girls i hope you all have a nice weekend im still waiting for our dam tax.
    take care and huggles and kisses to you all.

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