Oh, poppy! I'm really shocked and very upset for you! Grrrr I'm fuming for you!! Your HV should if giving you advice that is potentially dangerous and against the recommended advice for breastfeeding.
Babies should have unrestricted access to the breast and her asking you to delay feeds is ludicrous. Yes, your DS is using the breast for comfort, but what else what you want him to do when he is not comfortable?? It's important that he feeds/comforts on the breast as often as he wants to make sure your supply matches his needs (babies often appear to be comfort sucking when they in fact can be working at increasing your supply for a growth spurt - this happened to me regularly).
You should have received a brochure from your HV about co-sleeping safely (it's fairly patronising cartoon thing, but nonetheless it's a proper NHS document given to parents by their health visitors) and I'm shocked that your HV is saying that you can't co-sleep safely. I received the brochure within two visits I think. It's WONDEFUL that your DS is sleeping for 4-5 hours for a go with you in bed - that's brilliant for his age, and allows you to get some REST. It's also WONDERFUL that is able to spend some time happily "playing" on his own in his crib and nod off sometimes. You're doing beautifully!!
In a few months time, things will be completely different in any case and she has NO WAY to know what is going to work for you or your DS months from now, and speculating is unproductive and scaremongering, which is so WRONG when dealing with a new mother! You are comfortable with your parenting choices now, and are aware of the affects of them - that is all that matters, not speculation about what you're going to be comfortable with in the future - she doesn't even know you!
You can request another health visitor if you feel the need - and I would definitely suggest it. I'm not sure of the procedure for this, but I would contact your local PCT to find out. This woman is clearly not doing her job which is to give up-to-date information for you and your baby's health as well as providing support and giving you the confidence you need to parent in the difficult early days/weeks/months, within the frame of your parenting choices. She is giving you negative feedback, shaking your confidence and making things much harder than they should be when you are doing BRILLIANTLY.
Don't delay his feeds, keep sleeping in a way that keeps him settled and you getting rest and ignore what your HV has to say. It is NORMAL for babies to have unsettled periods, even when you are trying to put him on the breast. They have so much to process and deal with in the big outside world - it is overwhelming for them! Babies aren't meant to be moulded into being independent, robot beings that just feed and sleep at your command, to a schedule and on their own. Your HV is outdated, uninformed and not doing her job properly, IMO. I'm not surprised she is getting to you - her language sounds guilt ridden and almost manipulative, not at all supportive and open. There are other HVs out there who do do their job properly (I've been lucky to have 2 of them).
Congratulations on those awesome weight gains (BF babies often put on weight so well in the early days because they are taking in sustenance that is so perfectly matched to their needs, and there is no such thing as too much weight gain in exclusively BF bub) and congratulations on the wonderful, secure, loving environment that you are giving your DS in the most important and crucial developmental time in his life Don't let it shake, you are doing SO WELL, poppy.
Last edited by Acacia; February 18th, 2010 at 12:31 AM.
Acacia - thanks soooo much for your lovely and supportive post. I have tears in my eyes!! I am not inviting her again to my house. I have tons of support and advice from Attachment Parenting advocates in my local children's centre so I don't need her. DH says to me to stop calling her the 'HV' and merely call her the 'weighing lady' as we will only see her at clinic to get DS weighed and we should only listen to what she tells us about his weight (which we can also just read off the scales ourselves!!)
I am really interested to see that NHS pamphlet on safe co-sleeping as I only got the one that said 'babies should never sleep in their parent's bed' Perhaps Dorset is a little more progressive than Somerset!!! LOL We don't get the cloth nappy allowance here so I shouldn't be surprised that they would be a bit backward here!!
poppy - very glad to help and give you the support you need I thought straight away after I posted that you could even just go to get DS weighed at a baby clinic and bypass having to deal with a HV other than at a clinic, when they usually don't ask you much or offer much unless you request it as clinics are usually busy. So I think you know exactly what you're doing, and never doubt yourself hun, no matter what HVs tell you. I'm more than happy to dig up that co-sleeping brochure - I'm sure I still have it somewhere and post it to you so you can have a look if you're interested - just let me know! LOL you might be right about Dorset - I think we have one of the most progressive maternity services in England at Dorchester - it's certainly in the top 10 in England for quality of the unit. I feel really lucky to have been able to access their service. Might mean that the PCT is a little more forward thinking overall when it comes to perinatal services. I was wrapped with the cloth nappy rebate, and I'm heavily involved with the local NCT, which I think has a good voice on the maternity services committee. Come to Dorset!
Kelly - Happy Birthday! I hope you have a lovely day!
Kahlan - it's so wonderful that you've been able to capture Lyla's moments on video. We havent' used video but DH is a fantastic photographer and I'm very keen too so we take so many pictures of her with DH's DSLR - we were really happy to capture some of her first steps really well. DD's grandparents have a little bit of video of her, so I tend to snap them up off them! She really knows what she's doing with her hands already, and those teeth hey?
grub - LOL Ash sounds so beautiful, discovering all those new things - hands, faces, touching faces with hands hehe. I know what you mean about doing things almost in your sleep when it comes to getting up in the dead of night - sometimes when I wake up in the morning I don't even remember how I got back from DD's room into bed! Hope your face has recovered!
marcellus - ooo, how bittersweet DS is growing up!
smithy - I think you're doing so well! I can imagine it would feel all new again - I think I am lucky enough to have another baby too, it'll all feel new to me all over again as well! Big cuddles to gorgeous Charlie
Neptune - glad to hear all is well.
Greenslw - ooo, I hope that that you're able to get that thrush under control quickly and hopefully see a much more settled bubba. We've been through thrush too, and whilst it was hard to get ger rid of overall for us we both had it, as soon as I started treatment for both of us - within a day or two my DD was so much happier. Just a thought - I have also read that thrush can cause gas in babies (not sure of the reason, but could be because they have sore mouths they feed differently and take more air in, perhaps?) Hopefully the answer to the thrush may make a difference overall.
AFU - I have, almost unbelievably, had food poisoning on top of my flu on top of my cold Already feeling much better, but had an awful awful night. Balancing that out is that my DD has turned into a happy, relaxed, well rested and engaging baby/toddler for the first time since I can remember and it is like a breath of fresh air! No more illness (for now), her first two molars are almost through so most of the discomfort is over (except at night) and she's seems to have gone through a big developmental leap recently too. It's so wonderful to have my beautiful, cheeky little girl back, even if it's just for a small amount of time before things are harder for her again. I love seeing her happy and loving life and not struggling and uncomfortable. Makes the sun shine in my heart. Hoepfully my health will be back to 100% before long and it'll all be well.
Hi to everyone else I might have missed!
Last edited by Acacia; February 18th, 2010 at 05:24 AM.
Wow poppy, how horrible for you. I don't think anyone has the right to put every baby into the same "box", every baby is so different in their needs and a mothers instinct is always best I reckon. Re the co sleeping, Tara doesn't sleep with us but every morning DH brings her into bed with me and we have a sleep together and we always put the doona over her legs to keep her warm (as you know this is a big no no) but it works for us. I think you are doing a fantastic job and if bubba is putting on weight and is a contented baby with what you are doing then you are doing all right in my eyes.
Green: I'm so sorry your little man is so unsettled and as you said after all the hard work getting your BF'ing sorted to then be told he may have other problems to deal with. Tara is on Lactose Free fomula since birth, both me & DH have some lactose intolerance so the paed suggested to us to put her on the lactose free formula just in case. While I was giving her EBM (as she wouldn't feed from the boob) I made sure that I was having lactose free dairy products myself (ie: milk) just to be on the safe side. I hope things get better for you soon, but your DP sounds very supportive which must be a huge benefit.
Big hello to everyone else....
Last edited by TaRhLi.; February 18th, 2010 at 02:08 PM.
: spelling???
girls thanks so much for all the lovely words,love to you all as you have all made me feel lots better knowing that im not over feeding my girl shes just a hungry baby.
so still no better here though and ive just sent dh to the chemist to see if we can get something for charlies wind,like you green my girl is suffering bad,cant burp and crys from pain ,i can put her down and 5 mins later shes crying again as she cant get the wind up DOH.. so im waiting for my man to get back hopefully with some magic medicne lol ill keep you posted oh and we now think that 2 am is play time until anout 3.30 am mmmmmmmmmm im so confused lol..
have a wonderful day girls agian im reading all the posts and big hugs to you all hang in there girls lets stick together and in years to come we will be laughing at all this I HOPE LOL...
happy birthday kelly.
Poppy - It really sounds loike you know exactly what you're little one needs and are doing fantastically.
Green - Sorry things are so unsettled for you. But....babies don't get lactose intolerance. I mean, it's extremely rare. They can develop it at a later age, but babies are designed to drink milk and so are designed to have lactose. They can get lactose overload - especially if they've had diarohea, as this can strip the gut of lactase, which breaks down lactose. It generally just sorts itself out with time. I hope you can get some better advice - maybe an LC or the ABA?
They can have an allergy to dairy protein, which is also fairly uncommon. If that's the case, you would need to eliminate dairy from your diet so it doesn't pass through your milk. I think you really need to get expert advice on that, though, preferrably from your pead - what a nuisance they're so hard to see! Have you made an appointment anyway? Probably a good idea - you can always cancel if things imporve before then.
Has the medication for thrush had any effect, do you think? Thrush can make babies very, very unsettled and uncomfortable. They have all the signs of reflux, wind, colic, whatever you want to call it.
The best thing for silent reflux is being upright as much as possible. We used to have to hold DS upright after feeds - at least 20 minutes or so. And for about a month or so we literally could not lie him down at all. I slept sitting upright in bed holding him. It was the only thing that gave him relief. It's not ideal, but it was the only way to get through it. Once the reflux settled by around 9 weeks, we were able to start lying him down again. I even propped him up in the pram to sleep (with rolled up towels on either side to stop him sliding over).
Do you have a sling or something Smithy? It's the easiest way to keep them close and upright, which can help with gas.
Your HV should if giving you advice that is potentially dangerous and against the recommended advice for breastfeeding.
You are comfortable with your parenting choices now, and are aware of the affects of them - that is all that matters, not speculation about what you're going to be comfortable with in the future - she doesn't even know you!
Hope little Ash is well.
I hope you have a lovely day!
Hope your face has recovered!
Already feeling much better, but had an awful awful night. Balancing that out is that my DD has turned into a happy, relaxed, well rested and engaging baby/toddler for the first time since I can remember and it is like a breath of fresh air! No more illness (for now), her first two molars are almost through so most of the discomfort is over (except at night) and she's seems to have gone through a big developmental leap recently too. It's so wonderful to have my beautiful, cheeky little girl back, even if it's just for a small amount of time before things are harder for her again. I love seeing her happy and loving life and not struggling and uncomfortable. Makes the sun shine in my heart. Hoepfully my health will be back to 100% before long and it'll all be well.
mmmmmmmmmm im so confused lol..
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