Parenting after LT TTC #3

[Acacia]

Oh, poppy! I'm really shocked and very upset for you! Grrrr I'm fuming for you!! Your HV should if giving you advice that is potentially dangerous and against the recommended advice for breastfeeding.

Babies should have unrestricted access to the breast and her asking you to delay feeds is ludicrous. Yes, your DS is using the breast for comfort, but what else what you want him to do when he is not comfortable?? It's important that he feeds/comforts on the breast as often as he wants to make sure your supply matches his needs (babies often appear to be comfort sucking when they in fact can be working at increasing your supply for a growth spurt - this happened to me regularly).

You should have received a brochure from your HV about co-sleeping safely (it's fairly patronising cartoon thing, but nonetheless it's a proper NHS document given to parents by their health visitors) and I'm shocked that your HV is saying that you can't co-sleep safely. I received the brochure within two visits I think. It's WONDEFUL that your DS is sleeping for 4-5 hours for a go with you in bed - that's brilliant for his age, and allows you to get some REST. It's also WONDERFUL that is able to spend some time happily "playing" on his own in his crib and nod off sometimes. You're doing beautifully!!

In a few months time, things will be completely different in any case and she has NO WAY to know what is going to work for you or your DS months from now, and speculating is unproductive and scaremongering, which is so WRONG when dealing with a new mother! You are comfortable with your parenting choices now, and are aware of the affects of them - that is all that matters, not speculation about what you're going to be comfortable with in the future - she doesn't even know you!

You can request another health visitor if you feel the need - and I would definitely suggest it. I'm not sure of the procedure for this, but I would contact your local PCT to find out. This woman is clearly not doing her job which is to give up-to-date information for you and your baby's health as well as providing support and giving you the confidence you need to parent in the difficult early days/weeks/months, within the frame of your parenting choices. She is giving you negative feedback, shaking your confidence and making things much harder than they should be when you are doing BRILLIANTLY.

Don't delay his feeds, keep sleeping in a way that keeps him settled and you getting rest and ignore what your HV has to say. It is NORMAL for babies to have unsettled periods, even when you are trying to put him on the breast. They have so much to process and deal with in the big outside world - it is overwhelming for them! Babies aren't meant to be moulded into being independent, robot beings that just feed and sleep at your command, to a schedule and on their own. Your HV is outdated, uninformed and not doing her job properly, IMO. I'm not surprised she is getting to you - her language sounds guilt ridden and almost manipulative, not at all supportive and open. There are other HVs out there who do do their job properly (I've been lucky to have 2 of them).

Congratulations on those awesome weight gains (BF babies often put on weight so well in the early days because they are taking in sustenance that is so perfectly matched to their needs, and there is no such thing as too much weight gain in exclusively BF bub) and congratulations on the wonderful, secure, loving environment that you are giving your DS in the most important and crucial developmental time in his life Don't let it shake, you are doing SO WELL, poppy.