For some reason I haven't been getting updates, so didn't realise you were all here cheering for me while I had my back turned!

I love you girls, thanks so much for the kind words and support from every corner of OZ. I'm feeling a bit better.

I keep wavering from decision to decision. I have NO desire to leave despite living in a shambles, so at the moment my decision is to stay until I am forced to do something for Adam's sake. In the meantime, I will try and get some counselling for myself organised because I do need someone to just hear me out. I am still in the middle of composing my letter, trying to balance it is the key with him, he will jsut block out everything that I say if I am too harsh! Have to give him some good stuff too.

I'm in Sydney and my parents are in Melbourne which is hard. However, they go away every winter to QLD, and they have offered for me to move down there while they are gone (or for however long I want) to save me the hassle of getting a lease etc.......it is nice to have that as a backup, but I would hate for Adam and DH to be so far apart. Anyway, at least it is an option if all else fails. And a comforting one, because it would stop me feeling so incredibly awful at leaving because it is kind of 'home' and I grew up there. Also, I thought I could tell DH that I could stay there to give him some space to clean up without him having to worry about Adam's safety ie he could do his worst!

Yesterday, we had a break through with one aspect of the house, so this MAY get things moving a bit better. So I'm happy at the moment to stop thinking about it so much and just get on with it. And keep writing my letter (novel!).

I have read everyone's posts and thinking about all of you lovely mummies. To those not getting much sleep, hang in there and take each day as it comes.

Thanks again for listening....it REALLY helps. I have a couple of paths to walk, and I do feel better.