Parenting After LT TTC ~ January - April 2008

[Willow]

"well, this is what you wanted isnt it? get on with it then".

Boy can I relate to this!!! I've really struggled with this since DS was born. We've had some sleeping issues (nothing off the charts, just normal baby stuff) but I have obsessed over it to the point of having panic attacks over it.

I had it in my head that after all the awful stuff that had happened, this time would be just perfect, all sunshine and rainbows. Imagine my surprise when reality set in and I began to see that my beautiful boy was just like any other baby - he didn't sleep like an angel 24/7 and yes, this was still going to be hard work!

As for the intimacy side of things, yes, I completely agree. Things aren't the same for us as they used to be. Like Mako though, being prg after a loss meant I wasn't prepared to DTD at all when prg until late in the third tri (I had a lot of bleeding in my first two prg and DTD would usually result in more bleeding so I figured it wasn't worth the trauma) and now being a tired mum to a baby and a toddler, it's kinda the last thing on my mind! DH is struggling with it a bit and I feel bad for him.

Danni - I just wanted to say that hun, you should NOT feel bad about the way you're feeling. I've read lots of your posts about Mason and his sleeping issues etc - I think you're doing a WONDERFUL job in the circumstances. You should give yourself some more credit!!

[Allie]

Hi Danni/Mabello - good to see you again! I can't believe your little one is 10 months old! Actually, I can't believe my own DD is almost 9 months old!!

The whole parenting thing IS hard - and so emotionally intense. Don't feel bad about how you feel sometimes - we all have tough days. And sleep deprivation can do crazy things to your head, and we've just got to keep on going, there's not much (if any) time to rest...

Hope things improve for you very soon.

[monnie]

Hey guys

So glad that this thread is here...

Mabello/Danni...hey chickie...I wondered where you were...and now I just see you've changed your username. You are a fantastic Mum...there's no doubting it. It would be so incredibly difficult to night after night deal with sleep problems.

We've just come out of (fingers crossed) 2 months of sleeping issues...and I know what that was doing to me...so I can only imagine that any longer makes daily living really tough. I was really scared at my own reaction one night when I said to Felix "just shut up!"...I couldn't believe I said it...felt so bad afterwards but realised that I had to let my self off the hook...we are not perfect!!!

Amazing how many of us have had LTTTC impact on intimacy...I guess it's no surprise, and I although I wish none of us had to deal with it, I'm glad I'm not so abnormal. One day we'll get back to it just being fun...I hope!!! Mind you, sleep deprivation isn't exactly an aphrodisiac!

Anyway...it's just so great to share together...thanks guys!

[mako]

Hi

Sage had his needles this morning. The poor little fella screamed when he saw the needle(before it went into his leg) He also has ecxema. I need to put cream on him 3 times a day. I just hope it clears up soon for him.
I don't know about the rest of you but I really get upset when something happens to Sage. I had a bit of a cry before we went to the drs for the needles.Luckily I held it together when we were there. I know its silly but I hate the thought of my boy being in any pain.

I've been going through some pics of Sage as we are putting him in a new arrivals magazine for our local newspaper. They do a special mag each year for the new bubs. Its so hard trying to choose 1 to be printed and then DH and I need to come up with a little message to go along with it. Its so hard as I have so many things I want to tell Sage

I hope you are all ok.

[DJTTC]

Wow how this thread has already grown, it is fantastic to see so many of us who are sooooooooooo normal.

Willow - it is so nice to hear from you again, I remember we were in the ttc thread for ages, congrats on your little boy.

Danni - sorry to hear you are so down atm, things will get better & trust me we all have our bad days but I think it's great that you can actually admit it's hard.

I am so sick of hearing new mums say how everything is perfect, we all know they are lying because ALL babies wake up during the night & ALL babies cry.

I think it's about time mums got real & told the truth so we can all be there for each other instead of us feeling as though we aren't as perfect as them.

Sazz - I'm sorry to hear about your birth & yes it does take a long time to get over a birth, if you ever do.
Mine wasn't traumatic like yours but I'll never forget how bad (the pain) it was & I can honestly say that I'm not in a rush to do it again.
Thank god you get something wonderful at the end of it.

Hmmmm someone has bought up the subject of DTD, I've been a little scared to mention it.

Well I didn't have stitches but had very bad grazing & we didn't DTD until 10 weeks after, I did feel like I was ready but it did feel quite uncomfortable.

The next time it really, really hurt so we took another couple of weeks & then this last time it was a much better, not perfect but definately a lot better so I guess you really do just need time to heal, although I think I will still get dr to check it out down there when I go on Thursday.

I would like to hear Jason's thoughts on the subject as I never no what Dh is really thinking about it.

Mako - I too get upset when I think something may be wrong with bub & I am pretty sure that it's totally normal it just shows how good we are at being mums hey!!!
I'm dreading Jenna's needles in a couple of weeks, it was awful the first time.

Ok I hope this isn't insensitive to you Danni but I just have to tell someone that Jenna slept the whole night last night for the first time, that's right people the whole complete entire night.

It is just so exciting & I know it probably will never happen again but at least I know she can do it, too bad I woke up 3 times & checked on her because I thought their must be something wrong, lol.

Jo - 28
Dh - 34

[secochook]

Hmmmm someone has bought up the subject of DTD, I've been a little scared to mention it.

Well I didn't have stitches but had very bad grazing & we didn't DTD until 10 weeks after, I did feel like I was ready but it did feel quite uncomfortable.

The next time it really, really hurt so we took another couple of weeks & then this last time it was a much better, not perfect but definately a lot better so I guess you really do just need time to heal, although I think I will still get dr to check it out down there when I go on Thursday.

I would like to hear Jason's thoughts on the subject as I never no what Dh is really thinking about it.

Ok, I am not familiar with the acronym "DTD" but am guessing it is Doing The Deed". If I am wrong I will be having a red face but will take it on the chin.

Personally I am happy to wait for DW to be ready. In a lot of ways I am not ready either. We are sharing a wonderful time, well I am continuingly telling myself that it is even though it is being quite hard, which is I am enjoying. The DW also didn't have a high libido during her PG so it has been a long time between drinks. We have cuddled a lot so there is still physical contact in the relationship. I imagine that it depends on bloke to bloke but I would imagine that in a loving relationship you can wait until it is time.

I hope that that makes some sense. If not ask me for clarification.

Cheers

Jason

[secochook]

Danni - sorry to hear you are so down atm, things will get better & trust me we all have our bad days but I think it's great that you can actually admit it's hard.

I am so sick of hearing new mums say how everything is perfect, we all know they are lying because ALL babies wake up during the night & ALL babies cry.

I think it's about time mums got real & told the truth so we can all be there for each other instead of us feeling as though we aren't as perfect as them.

Jo

I am with you on this. Is it wrong to want to slap these people? I'm not sure whether it is because we were LTTTC or just our personalitoes but I don't think that the DW or myself have fallen into this Parents' Cult thing that I have heard about. I don't think that I can sit around and BS about how perfect it all is when the whole parenting thing has just been damn hard work since the start. It is hard to get rid of the bitterness and I still don't think I fit in with all the extended family and friends and their views on conceiving and parenting.

A bit of a rant, sorry, maybe just a bit tired.

Cheers

Jason

[summerluven]

Rant away Jason. We have friends who BS all the time and it drives us nucking futs. What is wrong with a little bit of honesty, especially when it will probably turn out to give comfort to those that are sitting there listening to you, rather than putting a gloss on everything and making people feel that they are somehow lacking or not coping.

I take my hat off to you for being happy to wait for DW to be ready. I know that a few of my girlfriends are copping a bit of grief at the moment. Things aren't perfect with DH and I, bit long between drinks over here too, but he generally copes very well with it and that makes me love him more.

[Rach75]

I am so sick of hearing new mums say how everything is perfect, we all know they are lying because ALL babies wake up during the night & ALL babies cry.

I think it's about time mums got real & told the truth so we can all be there for each other instead of us feeling as though we aren't as perfect as them.

yes parenting can be hard but bare in mind sometimes life with a baby is easy, I am one of the lucky mums who is what you are describing above to be honest I never found it hard, we started TTC when jacks was 8 weeks because of this very reason...sure we have had a couple of bad nights but they are few and far between...I actuaqlly stopped telling my friends and family how everything was going because they kept saying I was lying

anyway hope you dont mind me commenting

[Willow]

sometimes life with a baby is easy

Absolutely Rach, I will agree that with DD from about 6 months on, it was easy, very easy!! She ended up being a great sleeper, was always a very happy, content baby. And I'm sure that I'll get to that stage with DS too but right now, it is hard at times and I am tired a lot.

I also think it comes down to personality and how people perceive things differently - I for example become very anxious when DS isn't sleeping well and will call that a 'bad' day. You on the other hand might take it all in your stride and think 'oh well, tomorrow will be better' and it's not a big deal, so when someone asks you how he is, you say 'he's great!' and that's genuinely how you feel...OK, did that make any sense??!! LOL!