Parenting After LT TTC ~ January - April 2008

[Rach75]

I am so sick of hearing new mums say how everything is perfect, we all know they are lying because ALL babies wake up during the night & ALL babies cry.

I think it's about time mums got real & told the truth so we can all be there for each other instead of us feeling as though we aren't as perfect as them.

yes parenting can be hard but bare in mind sometimes life with a baby is easy, I am one of the lucky mums who is what you are describing above to be honest I never found it hard, we started TTC when jacks was 8 weeks because of this very reason...sure we have had a couple of bad nights but they are few and far between...I actuaqlly stopped telling my friends and family how everything was going because they kept saying I was lying

anyway hope you dont mind me commenting

[Willow]

sometimes life with a baby is easy

Absolutely Rach, I will agree that with DD from about 6 months on, it was easy, very easy!! She ended up being a great sleeper, was always a very happy, content baby. And I'm sure that I'll get to that stage with DS too but right now, it is hard at times and I am tired a lot.

I also think it comes down to personality and how people perceive things differently - I for example become very anxious when DS isn't sleeping well and will call that a 'bad' day. You on the other hand might take it all in your stride and think 'oh well, tomorrow will be better' and it's not a big deal, so when someone asks you how he is, you say 'he's great!' and that's genuinely how you feel...OK, did that make any sense??!! LOL!

[Rach75]

thanks Willow

Jack seriously is the most placid calm child it really is only now at 17mths (today) that he is being a bit of a pain just getting a attitude

he slept thru from 10 weeks, very rarely cried, has 14 teeth and all thru with no drama besides being a little clingy

but thanks for commenting

I didn't want to offend anyone, but people say I feel guilty to complain and I feel for them, but there are those of us who feel guilty for having it easy IYKWIM!!!!

:hugs: to all

[sushee]

Charlie wasn't an easy baby, or a particularly difficult baby either, but when someone asks me what parenting is like for me, I usually say 'great' and I mean it. It doesn't mean parenting is not hard, but to me, the good outweighs the bad almost always, so the short answer will always be 'great'. The long answer would be 'there are moments I want to tear my hair out, and there are moments when all I can do is cry, and there are moments when I feel like I can't cope, but when things are good, it more than balances all that bad stuff out"

But when I do feel like it's all too much, the last thing I would want to hear is how I'm seeming to be 'unfulfilled' as a mum - holy cow Willow I'm shocked anyone would say that to you! Kick a person while they're down, why don't you? There is that expectation from the public for sure that we somehow should be more grateful for what we have. I remember a thread where it was discussed (Do you remember Willow?) and was shocked by how it is assumed that LTTTCers are somehow more indebted to the rest of society for the 'gift' of our children. While I personally may feel more grateful than someone who can fall pg easily, it's no one else's place to tell me I should feel that way.

[Willow]

Oh yeah Sush, I remember it!! Nothing p's me off more than that sentiment. Like we don't give ourselves a hard enough time??

Kick a person while they're down, why don't you?

That's exactly how I felt! And I felt like I was posting about a genuine concern, I have no idea why they jumped to that conclusion. Yes I was stressed and probably came across that way in my post but sheesh, wasn't expecting that! I actually felt quite ashamed, knowing the whole BB community could read the post too

when someone asks me what parenting is like for me, I usually say 'great' and I mean it.

I would most definitely agree!! It is the single most important and treasured part of my life. I wouldn't have put myself through the past 2 years if I didn't love it. But I do admit that some days I don't cope and some days I am pulling my hair out....I guess it just helps in some way to know you aren't the only one having one of those days.

[sazzafrazz]

Crikey Willow, I would have been mortified too! My best friend made some very unsupportive comments about her friend (who I dont really know) who was going through IVF and having a hard time accepting other peoples pregnancies. I told her very firmly but kindly that it is incredibly difficult. She quickly backtracked with a red face but I was shocked to know that was how she really felt.

People stop me in the street everyday here. Its a small town I have lived in forever and I know so many ppl. They always ask "is she a good baby?" What am I supposed to say to that? NO send her back she is no good..... I usually say that she is having trouble with colic but is perfect in every other way. It isnt her fault that she has it. She isnt screaming in pain every night just to get on my nerves. Poor thing cant help it!!! As if you could have a 5week old baby who is BAD!!!

A lot of people are asking if I am loving being a mum, including my doctor. Again, what do they want to hear? Actually I am loving it but what if I wasnt, would they want to know? What would their reaction be?

As for the parenting myth. I havent really had much to do with that but I have made comments in my baby buddies group (which you should join Jason!!!) that I wished they didnt cr@p on so much in the antenatal classes about what a magical, euphoric moment labour and birth is. Sure there is the overwhelming love and joy when the baby is born but for crying out loud ... almost everyone struggles with massive pain or really long labour or the terror when something goes wrong. Who actually has a perfect birth? Just be honest and say it hurts a lot, it is scary and sometimes things go a bit unexpected but at the end it is totally worth it.

Well, must go. I feel like crap. I wonder if I have the beginnings of mastitis? Hope not....

[sushee]

it took a lot of time, money, emotion and sacrifices to get him, so he would be the most hard-earned 'gift' I've ever received.

Here, here Kim!

I sometimes feel that I have to prove that I deserve to be a mother because it was harder for me to fall pg. Which I logically know is silly, but the feeling is still there.

Me too. It's silly I agree, Kim, and I'm sure we're our own worst enemies, because I know personally that I strive so hard to be this perfect mum to Charlie, to the point of being really hard on myself sometimes. I feel like I can't take a second of our time together for granted, which, if anyone else is like me (and I bet many of you are) it puts incredible, irrational pressures on us! We don't need society making us feel neurotic, we're doing fine on our own thanks very much!

[secochook]

As for the parenting myth. I havent really had much to do with that but I have made comments in my baby buddies group (which you should join Jason!!!) that I wished they didnt cr@p on so much in the antenatal classes about what a magical, euphoric moment labour and birth is. Sure there is the overwhelming love and joy when the baby is born but for crying out loud ... almost everyone struggles with massive pain or really long labour or the terror when something goes wrong. Who actually has a perfect birth? Just be honest and say it hurts a lot, it is scary and sometimes things go a bit unexpected but at the end it is totally worth it.

Well, must go. I feel like crap. I wonder if I have the beginnings of mastitis? Hope not....

Hi Sazz

I am aware of that group and its predecesor group of Belly Buddies. I did follow a lot of it as I wanted to guage how this whole pg thing was going for women other than the DW. As we were bitter and twisted we didn't pay any attention to how friends and family coped with their pregnancies. I have the feeling that those groups are more for the mothers so I have not wanted to impose. (There is some history to a comment I had made in the Men's Forum which was misunderstood so I am cautious of where I decide to post)

With regard to the Mastitis my DW got a bit of it but she acted straight away and went to the doc. I think that be doing that she may have avoided i worse experience. Although it was not pleasant!

Cheers

Jason

[secochook]

Sazz/Jason - I think the first 6 weeks with the baby is the hardest. I didn't always know why DS was crying, struggled to get him to sleep in his bassinette, and was overtired all the time. However, I felt it was harder on my DH as I found the BF hormones kept me generally happy and I could nap in the day when Hayden slept. Poor DH would try to help out at night, then go to work (and had no happy hormones). Hayden certainly has his bad days now (teething - arrgh!) but mixes in smiles and giggles which melt my heart on even the grizzliest days.

I have found that helping out at night and going to work very difficult. It would be great if I could have a nap a couple of times a day but the current work/life culture has still not fully aligned I don't think. It is currently the norm, or perceived to be the norm that the father takes a completely active role in the feeding/settling process. I am very happy to do this. Unfortunately at work, the culture is that you have no sympathy from male colleagues as they either didn't help out or also weren't given any sympathy so they won't give you anyway.

I am jealous that DW can nap during the day but then again I want her to do it and encourage her to do because she does have it worse than me at the moment as she is breast feeding. I know it takes a lot energy for women to do this and they need the rest. Sometimes you get selfish and want to complain but you can't or shouldn't. I wish I was 15 years younger as I think I could handle the lack of sleep better!

Well we are almost at the six week period so I hope that Luisa will settle in to a routine better. But I have heard the difficult period can last longer. One of the Mother's Cult accidently let that tidbit slip!!!

What is good at the moment is that we do get smiles quite often. It does help!

Cheers

Jason