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thanks Willow
Jack seriously is the most placid calm child it really is only now at 17mths (today) that he is being a bit of a painjust getting a attitude
he slept thru from 10 weeks, very rarely cried, has 14 teeth and all thru with no drama besides being a little clingy
but thanks for commenting
I didn't want to offend anyone, but people say I feel guilty to complain and I feel for them, but there are those of us who feel guilty for having it easy IYKWIM!!!!
:hugs: to all
BellyBelly Life Subscriber
Charlie wasn't an easy baby, or a particularly difficult baby either, but when someone asks me what parenting is like for me, I usually say 'great' and I mean it. It doesn't mean parenting is not hard, but to me, the good outweighs the bad almost always, so the short answer will always be 'great'. The long answer would be 'there are moments I want to tear my hair out, and there are moments when all I can do is cry, and there are moments when I feel like I can't cope, but when things are good, it more than balances all that bad stuff out"
But when I do feel like it's all too much, the last thing I would want to hear is how I'm seeming to be 'unfulfilled' as a mum - holy cow Willow I'm shocked anyone would say that to you! Kick a person while they're down, why don't you? There is that expectation from the public for sure that we somehow should be more grateful for what we have. I remember a thread where it was discussed (Do you remember Willow?) and was shocked by how it is assumed that LTTTCers are somehow more indebted to the rest of society for the 'gift' of our children. While I personally may feel more grateful than someone who can fall pg easily, it's no one else's place to tell me I should feel that way.
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Oh yeah Sush, I remember it!! Nothing p's me off more than that sentiment. Like we don't give ourselves a hard enough time??
That's exactly how I felt! And I felt like I was posting about a genuine concern, I have no idea why they jumped to that conclusion. Yes I was stressed and probably came across that way in my post but sheesh, wasn't expecting that! I actually felt quite ashamed, knowing the whole BB community could read the post tooKick a person while they're down, why don't you?
I would most definitely agree!! It is the single most important and treasured part of my life. I wouldn't have put myself through the past 2 years if I didn't love it. But I do admit that some days I don't cope and some days I am pulling my hair out....I guess it just helps in some way to know you aren't the only one having one of those days.when someone asks me what parenting is like for me, I usually say 'great' and I mean it.
Last edited by Willow; February 25th, 2008 at 07:00 PM.
BellyBelly Member
Crikey Willow, I would have been mortified too! My best friend made some very unsupportive comments about her friend (who I dont really know) who was going through IVF and having a hard time accepting other peoples pregnancies. I told her very firmly but kindly that it is incredibly difficult. She quickly backtracked with a red face but I was shocked to know that was how she really felt.
People stop me in the street everyday here. Its a small town I have lived in forever and I know so many ppl. They always ask "is she a good baby?" What am I supposed to say to that? NO send her back she is no good..... I usually say that she is having trouble with colic but is perfect in every other way. It isnt her fault that she has it. She isnt screaming in pain every night just to get on my nerves. Poor thing cant help it!!! As if you could have a 5week old baby who is BAD!!!
A lot of people are asking if I am loving being a mum, including my doctor. Again, what do they want to hear? Actually I am loving it but what if I wasnt, would they want to know? What would their reaction be?
As for the parenting myth. I havent really had much to do with that but I have made comments in my baby buddies group (which you should join Jason!!!) that I wished they didnt cr@p on so much in the antenatal classes about what a magical, euphoric moment labour and birth is. Sure there is the overwhelming love and joy when the baby is born but for crying out loud ... almost everyone struggles with massive pain or really long labour or the terror when something goes wrong. Who actually has a perfect birth? Just be honest and say it hurts a lot, it is scary and sometimes things go a bit unexpected but at the end it is totally worth it.
Well, must go. I feel like crap. I wonder if I have the beginnings of mastitis? Hope not....
BellyBelly Life Subscriber
Here, here Kim!
Me too. It's silly I agree, Kim, and I'm sure we're our own worst enemies, because I know personally that I strive so hard to be this perfect mum to Charlie, to the point of being really hard on myself sometimes. I feel like I can't take a second of our time together for granted, which, if anyone else is like me (and I bet many of you are) it puts incredible, irrational pressures on us! We don't need society making us feel neurotic, we're doing fine on our own thanks very much!
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Sushee - this is me exactly. I have really struggled with it at times when I feel like we aren't meeting those expectations I have created somewhere in my head. I think it is intensified by the fact that we lost our second baby, I didn't get to bring that baby home so I need to make this time PERFECT to prove that I deserved this second chance. Rationally I know that's nuts, but emotionally, it's a different story.I know personally that I strive so hard to be this perfect mum to Charlie, to the point of being really hard on myself sometimes. I feel like I can't take a second of our time together for granted, which, if anyone else is like me (and I bet many of you are) it puts incredible, irrational pressures on us!
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Hi Sazz
I am aware of that group and its predecesor group of Belly Buddies. I did follow a lot of it as I wanted to guage how this whole pg thing was going for women other than the DW. As we were bitter and twisted we didn't pay any attention to how friends and family coped with their pregnancies. I have the feeling that those groups are more for the mothers so I have not wanted to impose. (There is some history to a comment I had made in the Men's Forum which was misunderstood so I am cautious of where I decide to post)
With regard to the Mastitis my DW got a bit of it but she acted straight away and went to the doc. I think that be doing that she may have avoided i worse experience. Although it was not pleasant!
Cheers
Jason
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I have found that helping out at night and going to work very difficult. It would be great if I could have a nap a couple of times a day but the current work/life culture has still not fully aligned I don't think. It is currently the norm, or perceived to be the norm that the father takes a completely active role in the feeding/settling process. I am very happy to do this. Unfortunately at work, the culture is that you have no sympathy from male colleagues as they either didn't help out or also weren't given any sympathy so they won't give you anyway.
I am jealous that DW can nap during the day but then again I want her to do it and encourage her to do because she does have it worse than me at the moment as she is breast feeding. I know it takes a lot energy for women to do this and they need the rest. Sometimes you get selfish and want to complain but you can't or shouldn't. I wish I was 15 years younger as I think I could handle the lack of sleep better!
Well we are almost at the six week period so I hope that Luisa will settle in to a routine better. But I have heard the difficult period can last longer. One of the Mother's Cult accidently let that tidbit slip!!!
What is good at the moment is that we do get smiles quite often. It does help!
Cheers
Jason
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Wow you have all been very busy chatting away in here. I won't attempt to catch up with all of you but I will say that yes this parenting business seems to get a little easier but then something will always pop up and throw a spanner in the works.
Sage has been pretty settled lately and then he has begun teething and then we had his needles yesterday and now everything is all over the place. He was very unsettled yesterday and lastnight. Today he has a temperature and hasn't been feeding as much as he normally does.He has only just gone down for a nap. He usually has had atleast 1 before now but not today. He screams whenever I go to put him down
Sazz I hope you can get the mastitis sorted out before it gets too bad hun. I have had it 3 times since having Sage. It is really painful hey?? Just know that I'm here if you need anything. I found I needed to express alot while I had it and also hot showers worked a treat. Look after yourself hun.
Jason You sound like you are a wonderful husband. Good on you for helping your dw. It is a tough job for you guys too. I know that my dh struggles sometimes too. He does do his best but it is hard as he has to work long hours too. I don't know about you but my dh didn't have any time off when I had Sage. He only had the day off when he was born and he was back at work the very next day. It was very tough for him and the worst part about it, he works for his father.
I can't understand some of the questions we are asked constantly like is he/she a good baby? Are you bfeeding??? What is it when strangers ask you that?? Why do they think its thier business?? I can't understand that.
Hi to you all
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Jason - you sound like a wonderful husband & father, good on you. I can only imagine how hard it is having sleepless nights & then having to go to work, but try to hang in there it does get better.
Willow - I can't believe that someone would be so insensitive to say you sound unfullfilled, some pp just don't know when to keep their mouths shut!
Rachel - I am happy for you that you have been lucky with your baby but I really do think you are one of very few who have an easy time (I obviously do know that their are some easy bubs & I hope you don't feel I was being horrible).
For me having a difficult pg & long painful labour was hard.
Breastfeeding was hard.
Having bub scream from 5 - 9pm every night suffering with colic was hard.
Having bub want a feed every 2 hours at night & then myself not being able to sleep during the day was exremely hard.
Not having time alone with Dh has been hard.
But in spite of all this it is worth it because:
Loving your baby is EASY.
Wanting the best for bub is easy.
Seeing bub smiling & giggling is soooooooooo easy.
Watching them grow & learn new things is easy.
I could think of a lot more things but ykwim.
I must admit as bub is getting older things are becoming much easier & I find my princess an absolute joy (doesn't mean I want to go through it again any time soon, lol).
Mako - hope Sage feels better soon.
Sazz - you might need to get onto the boob thing before it gets really bad, hopefully its not mastitis.
I totally agree with you all there is no such thing as a bad baby, the poor buggers I'm sure labour is not a nice time for them either & then their tummies adjusting to milk,etc.
I'm sure it's a much nicer place in the womb.
Jo - 28
Dh - 34
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