Parenting After LT TTC ~ January - April 2008

[sazzafrazz]

LOL with the dog hair ... we have two dogs, one lab/kelpie one kelpie/****zu and they shed like mad. It is weird how it gets up on top of cupboards and everywhere. Im pretty sure the dogs cant get up there hehe. When we bought this place it had cream carpet throughout and we only have it in the bedrooms now: we polished the boards. Much easier but it is a lot noisier too and draughty in winter also. Cant have it all!

On the weekend I had a "very protective parent" moment. All the inlaws invited themselves over AGAIN and the 8yr old nephew wanted a hold of Celeste. I set him up on the lounge next to his aunt (she is handicapped and not that responsible) His mum paid no attention after that at all and he started to let her slide off his lap when he had had enough. I couldnt get to her quickly cause bloody MIL was blocking the way. I nearly footy bumped her out of the way but she got to Celeste first and caught her just as she almost went off the lounge. She passed her to me but wouldnt let go. I just snapped at her "Ive GOT her!!!" which was a bit mean but I was pretty upset just then. I didnt let anyone else hold her after that. (To top it off, the mother of the kid also spilt coffee all over the new floor rug and the other kid nearly broke my globe of the world on the coffee table.) I guess it is a normal protective parent thing to do but I wondered if I was a bit more possessive of her cause of the LTTTC thing? Normally I am very relaxed about Celeste which people have commented on but I turned into a stressed mum just then!

Child nurse at our new mums group warns against trying to be supermum and not giving ourselves time for us. She said those who try to do it will usually get to around 4 or 5 months and have a total burn out which often leads to PND. Definately something to avoid. So far I havent been away from Celeste at all. Once DH stayed outside the shops with her while I dashed in but that is all. I know I should trust him with her more but I know what she needs much better than he does (cause Ive spent all day everyday with her) and I see him trying things I know she doesnt need before he works out what it is she does want. It seems unfair on her if I dont let him know what she needs, but unfair on him if I dont let him learn for himself so that Im not telling what to do all the time. Its a tricky one and I havent got the hang of it yet.

Hope the teething sorts itself out soon- sounds awful for the poor little men!

Hello to all!!!

[secochook]

Sazz - I know what you are saying regarding knowing what Celeste wants more than DH but I would encourage that you let him give it a go and learn too. Hopefully he will take advice and learn. It would be better for your sanity if he can shoulder some of the tasks. My DW is happy to do this and she has been able to get out a few times. She has the phone in case a feed is in order though.

Well Luisa has been going great guns at this growing caper. She has put on 2kgs since birth going from the 10th percentile to the 50th. She is also in the 90th percentile for her height, so she will be a tall girl if she keeps it up.

We went to the Western Force game on Sunday. It all went well except that the wife of a work friend who came to the game decided to have a freak out when DW went to change Luisa and didn't come back straight away. She was trying to get me to go look for them. Now I am not a 21 yo newlywed and we both have mobile phones if there was a problem. After 12 years of marriage I think we know each other well. Of course there was no problem, DW was just up behind our seats standing and watching the game and giving Luisa time to get over her reflux issues. But it made me unsettled. I appreciate that we are new to the parenting but we do have age and commonsense on our side.

Well my rant for the day!

[monnie]

Hey Sazz

Sorry to hear about Celeste's potential fall...it's scary isn't it? We've had a situation like that too. DH's 9 year old niece was holding Felix and panicked when she thought he had wet through his nappy...and literally threw him to the ground. DH and I were in such shock. Thankfully we were down the beach and he landed on sand but it was a huge thud...and very scary! It's so hard trying to get the balance right of wanting people to be involved (e.g. our niece) but knowing when to draw the line.

I think your child health nurse is so right though. I know I really started to cocoon myself in recent months...wanting to keep Felix at home just in case I upset his routine. But what ended up happening is that I became more and more insular...and a little resentful too. My only outlet was bellybelly...and although it's great, it's cyber-life. Thankfully, my Mum had a really good chat to me and encouraged me to get out more.

I feel so much better as a result. I've started to do a few little things just for myself and actually feel like a much more balanced Mum now.

I too would encourage you to give DH a go. You're right, he doesn't know Celeste like you do...so giving him some practice would be fantastic. No doubt, it would help with his confidence too. And it would be great for you...just plan a little trip out...but I'd encourage you do something for yourself.

What about if he took her for a walk so you can have a little sleep in?

It's hard...but I think in the long run, it's worth it.

Take care chickie!

[sazzafrazz]

Wow Jason, Louisa certainly is growing!! Thats fantastic news. Celeste is still inthe bottom 10% for weight but 25% for length. Im happy with that though cause she did drop to the 5%for weight for a bit there. She is catching up now though. I think she will be a slight girl till mid high school like I was. I was skinny as a kid too.

How cute is that new nappy ad with the baby making the big fart noise? Cracks me up! hehe

Thanks Monnie for your words. Can imagine how you felt when the niece dropped Felix!!!! I would have cried I reckon.
It is hard not to take things personally when people offer advice but if offered in the right way it helps.

People, please dont think I dont let DH do anything for Celeste. In the evenings he spends a lot of time settling her, especially if she has had a really unsettled day (like yesterday) and often I will go to bed after the last feed and he sorts her out. Or in the mornings I give him to her in bed while I shower and sort the dogs out. It is just that when I can hear her screaming with a stuck burp and he is thinking she needs her nappy changed I just want to go tell him to pick her up as I know it will fix things right away, instead of her screaming for 5mins while he struggles with the nappy. I guess it took such effort to get BF sorted out and she fed so often in the early days that there was very little time I could be away conveniently and I have just gotten used to it.

Have to give myself a pat on the back: yesterday we went to a meeting and Celeste was not settled so I let our friend's almost 12yo daughter take her for a little walk in the pram. DH gave me "the look" which meant "are you sure?" and another bloke on the other side of the room did too which I thought was a bit rude. As soon as they left the room I was worried and wanted to rush out and bring her back but I didnt. They were gone for 10mins or so and of course everything was ok. Celeste was happy as larry when they came back and I felt soooo relieved. It really was a big step for me to let her out of my control for that time. Not wanting to do it again too soon though. Need a haircut soon, will try making it when DH can have Celeste. Not sure if she would take a bottle if Im not there to feed her. Have offered her some water in this heat and not sure if it is the bottle or the water she is refusing? Must find out how much EBM to have on hand if needed at some stage.... ok rambling now hehe.

Yeah, fur babies are great. We got our first dog the year we got married and still have her now. I was worried how she would cope with a baby after having her for 12years but she has been really good.

Mums group has been really good for me. It is hard to know if anyone else has had TTC issues there. It kind of makes me feel different to the rest of the group same as with my baby buddies group too. There is one mum there who cant BF and I s'pose she feels different to the group too: we all have our own issues I guess.

Well that's it for me at present... hello all!

[sushee]

Sazz,

I can so relate to wanting total control over bub - I was definitely the same. Yes DH could look after him, but I wouldn't allow anyone else to, even for a little while, esp when he was young. I got better as he got older, and would go to dinner with MIL while DH watched him, but I worried about him and felt like I was being 'forced' away from him.

The biggest challenge for me was when he went to daycare at 18 months - just one day a week. I have a thread about it somewhere. I was absolutely devastated about not having him with me anymore. But it's been 6 months now, and he's now in 4 days a week while I work, and it's been good for me and for him. I was probably way too overprotective of him, and resented the time he spent away from me, and while I look back on that as an intense bonding time for us, he's now growing older and learning to be more independant.

It'll come for you too, and you will adapt. But for now, I reckon it's okay to want to be there for her every minute of everyday! Well of course I'd think it's okay, I did it too! Lol!

[Willow]

Sushee, I remember when Charlie started day care - I can't believe that was 6 months ago!!!

[sushee]

I know, Willow. I can't believe it either. You should see him now, as soon as he gets dropped off he's off and playing. Even gives me a kiss and waves goodbye. He really has adapted well to it. I, on the other hand, still miss him soooo much.