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Thread: Parenting After LT TTC ~ January - April 2008

  1. #289

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    BW, I think if you read back from the start of the thread you will see a lot of us posting similiar things about wondering why the won't do this or why are they doing that? Then we feel bad because of what we went through to have these little people in our lives.
    Hope tomorrow brings a better day for both you and Sam. and a restful nights sleep tonight for sam as well.



    Nic

  2. #290

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    Lol at you dropping food on Sam BW - I remember that!! Ah, seems like a lifetime ago though, it all just goes by so quickly.
    And yep, what Nic said, we've all been there. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but you really are the one who knows best how to take care of your son.

    Just 3 days till I'm on month-long holiday from work.....ohgod I can't wait

  3. #291

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    Mashed potato was the first thing i dropped on Liam. It was definitely not the last, but i don't remember all the rest! I do remember looking at him and thinking after all we went through, why was it not like the fairy tale? It's hard in the beginning when you are tired, hormonal, tired, exhausted, overwhelmed and tired. But you know you love him and you are a great mum. I only really started enjoying Liam when he was older, and I could understand his needs a bit better. I loved him dearly, but I was always wary/afraid of doing something wrong. Now I'm so much more relaxed.
    I just snuck in to the preg after LTTTC. Wow, I hardly know anyone anymore
    Anyway enough blabbing, can you tell DS is asleep Enjoy your time off marcellus!! Anything planned?

  4. #292

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    The pregnancy thread is pretty bad at the moment, Lenny. It seemed to happen while I was in hospital having Samuel. I left and knew everyone, came back and about the only person I still knew was BG. I just find it too hard to keep up with everyone now, so I don't look.

    We're having another messy day here. I'd just like one feed to go smoothly and mess-free. Which means getting through it with only one nappy change, and not having to change the towel on the change mat (and certainly not twice!) and not having to find a new outfit for Samuel because he's peed and/or pooped all over everything!

    Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. I have a much more settled (if not less messy) baby today. We've gone back to his original formula with a small amount of thickener added and we now seem to have an almost puke-less baby who can suddenly self-settle once more and has less wind. The difference has been almost immediate. I feel like I'm doing things right once more.

    BW

  5. #293

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    I'm going to be a full-time mum for a month. And probably avoid my computer as much as possible (spend alllll day in front of it for work, as you may have noticed from all my posting on bb).

    Two steps forward, one step back BW - you'll get there

  6. #294

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    BW, that's great that Sam is not as spewy now.

    Marcellus, hope you are enjoying your time away from work.

    Not a lot of sleep happening here at the moment, DS is cutting tooth #4, his 2nd eye tooth. He has the 2 bottom ones and then went straight to the eye teeth, no middle top ones or the ones either side of the middle ones! It has made for a very unhappy bubba..

    Nic

  7. #295

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    Oh dear Nic! Hope it's through soon.

    Well, had a nice day out today, and then found out that I don't have a job to come back to! so I'm now officially a SAHM (in the absence of a job or any job prospects....)

  8. #296

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    Far out...we are on the move!! Commando crawling, but getting around quite quickly, i think it's the floorboards? he can slide across it easier than he would on carpet lol.
    Everywhere I look I see stuff that needs to be packed away or lifted or tied/locked up! Nothing is safe, he was even trying to munch on the floor before!
    He has just gone down for his 3rd nap today here's hoping the extra movement will help him to sleep a bit longer!

    Nic
    eta: How freaky that we posted at the same time Marcellus! Far out at finding out you don't have a job to go back too! That must have been a shock for you.

  9. #297

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    marcellus - no job? eeek? Not that SAHM is not a job, but you know that i mean. Is it ok? Let us know if everything is ok.

    Nic - teeth are cruel. We are just all very unsettled because of colds/congestion. It's not even winter but either DS, me, or DH seem to have something - or all 3 of us at once!

    BW - thanks for the PM. I hear about these mythical 'other' sites, but I never venture away from here
    As for messy babies...they don't get better! Spew, dribble, spew, poo, more dribble (from those nasty teeth) and then food everywhere! We were going to get the carpet cleaned once DS could crawl - i can't imagine why now. He is the messiest creature on two legs.

  10. #298

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    Well, there was a part of me that wanted this to happen (i posted about maybe quitting a while back), but now that it's actually happened I'm a bit panicky! I already did the sums and we can survive... but that's about it. It'll be ok though. It wasn't really a shock given the horrendous market conditions at the moment (worked for a stock broker).

    Thank goodness for tiled floors!!! was the best thing my parents ever did in this house. Could not imagine what it'd be like with carpet.

    Far out indeed - it happens so quickly doesn't it Nic! A few weeks and he'll be pulling himself up on the furniture....

  11. #299

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    Hey girls, I know it's been aaaaages since I've posted in this thread but do read from time to time to see how everyone is going.

    I do remember looking at him and thinking after all we went through, why was it not like the fairy tale?
    Holy cow, this was soooo me! I remember doing a long post to Nic about it too. And I felt even worse cause he was bub #2 and I KNEW the realities of having a baby, but just thought I'd earn some bonus points going through all the crap beforehand - unfortunately it doesn't work that way, babies are babies no matter how they are concieved (and that's a beautiful thing really) Hang in there BW, I know I've already told you, but you're doing an awesome job and the older they get, the easier it gets.

    Well that's what I keep telling myself because as some of you may have noticed (and thanks for the PMs and messages!!), we have #3 on the way Not an IVF bub this time so an even bigger shock. Some days I'm terrified about doing it all again but mostly I'm thrilled that this has happened for us when I never thought it would.

    Marcellus - I was recently made redundant too and am now a full time SAHM. It's a bit hard financially but over the last few weeks I've gotten used to the idea, have adjusted and am really enjoying it!

    I'm glad to see you're all doing well apart from the odd teething/sleep deprived/sick baby moments.

  12. #300

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    Hi Willow!!!! and Congratulations on the natural wonder *green eyed monster here!* I bet it is exciting and terrifying all at the same time. Don't worry though, you will be wonderful. LOVE your av Glad you are happy being a SAHM too. I love it!

    Marcellus, sorry you had to have the decision made for you about being a SAHM. Do you think you will just embrace it or go hunting for a new job eventually? At least it happened before you did go back I suppose.

    Lenny, LOL at the carpet cleaning hehe. I dispair some days and I have floorboards!!! I remember when my parents decided we were old enough for them to buy new furniture and get their nice ornaments out again...

    BW, so glad Sam is less spewy for you. I know it can be sooooo tiring with all the constant changes of clothing and wiping and appologising everywhere you go. I cant remember when Celeste's spew fountain slowed down but I am sure happy it did!!! Just about every photo of when she was little (not that she is that big now) she is wearing a bib. It's nice to only use one for meal times!!! You will get there eventually.

    Nic, I hope those teeth are hurrying up and letting your household get some sleep. Isn't it cruel how the top ones seem to hurt so much more than the bottom ones? Hehehe I bet you are on the move now with a crawler inthe house! It is astounding how far they can go and how much trouble they can get into when you turn your back.

    Celeste has been amazing me this week. She has learned 3 words in one week and embraced walking with her walker/brick thingy. She already signs mum, dad, dog, cat and says the words mum and dad but now she has added 'more' and 'ta' plus 'dog'. She looks at a picture of us onthe wall while drinking her bed time bottle and signs mum. Very cute. today at our mums group she was hugging everyone and everything... including the socks she took off. She hugged socks!!!! I guess she loves them

    How cool is this RAK thing? I dont know if I got mine really late or if I am just an IDIOT for not noticing. I llloooovvve my av and am so thankful to whoever gave it to me.... if it was one of you then THANKS mwah!

  13. #301

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    Gosh it has been a little while since I have been in and I am trying to catch up

    Sazz I love your Av. Very hot!!! How gorgeous at what Celeste is doing. So very precious. I am sorry to hear about your last cycle. Big hugs for you darling.

    Willow - Lovely to see you and congratulations!! Such a miracle.

    BW- Thank goodness for thickener. Ryder is on thickened formula also because he is out happly little chucker.

    Marcellus- Enjoy being a SAHM.

    Nic- We have a commando too lol. I have been meaning to child proof the house also

    Lenny- I was so sorry to read of your brothers loss . I am sure in time he will become more a part of your DS life.

    As for me I am just busy chasing two little terrors aropund the house Mackenzie is the commando crawler (who can crawl normally also but just choses not to ) and Ryder is now getting around also, but he is still a bit shaky and doesn't have the speed of his sister yet lol. Mackenzie is also pulling herself up on everything and just wants to be standing all the time at the moment. It makes it hard though when Ryder wants me at the same time and I don't always catch Kenzie when she has a fall Now she is supporting a massive bruise of her face Ahh the joys of being a twin Mum if only I could grow an extra set of arms

  14. #302

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    I have to lay something on you ladies -
    I'm worried that now I no longer have any excuses (ie work) for not being the mum I wanted to be (or rather the one I thought I ought to be) I might find out that I'm not all that good at this... I always had work to explain why I didn't do the things with DS that I thought I should, or spend enough time with him...
    I know it's normal to feel like you don't know what you're doing or to question yourself and so on, but that's not quite what I mean. I think I have this ideal of what I should be as a mum and I don't think I can live up to it. I use to blame having to work, but the truth is that I'm just not that person anyway.
    Does that make sense?

  15. #303

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    Hey Marcellus

    I just wrote a reply x 2...but both have disappeared!!!

    Anyway...here's take III...

    I have no doubt whatsoever that you are an amazing Mummy!

    This 'ideal' of what a Mum should be puts incredible pressure on us women, hey!

    In my opinion, the 'ideal' Mum is one who loves her kids, loves her partner and loves herself (in no particular order of preference!!!)

    How you express that love will be different from everyone else...as it should be!!!

    Some days you may express that love through time, some days through doing household stuff and some days by just giving yourself some much deserved time out!!!

    I think the greatest gift you can give your child is showing them the 'authentic you'...

    Marcellus's version of mummyhood is perfect for you and perfect for your DS!!! If you try to be anything but yourself, it won't work anyway, hey?

    Sometimes I read BB and think "oh...I don't do that...should I be doing that? Am I a bad Mum" etc. etc.), until I realise that my version of Mummyhood is just right for me and that's what I have to trust...

    I hope what I'm saying is making some sort of sense...

    Just do what 'sits' right with you...being you, being your version of Mummy is perfect!

  16. #304

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    aargh - just wrote 2 great big long posts, and neither of them appeared!!
    I'll come back later ...

  17. #305

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    Marcellus, I think it is completely normal - but not always a helpful thing - to have an expectation of what being a mum is like and what it will be like in different situations, and also an expectation of what KIND of mum you would like to be. We place all this pressure on ourselves to fulfill these expectations.

    I had so many expectations during pregnancy of what it would be like and how I would feel whilst being pregnant - and most of it was not my reality in the end. The same has occurred with being a mum so far, even though I tried to get rid of my expectations because of how they affected me in pregnancy. What I'm trying to say is that it doesn't matter how hard you do try, there is always an amount of pressure and striving to be the best that you can be when it comes to your child.

    But you are already being the best mum you can be in your life as it is, and this is the most important thing. Being a parent has to work both ways - you give so much to your child, but you need to be able to do what is right for you also, so that you are in the best place to be your child's parent. When there is this balance, you are being the best Mum you can be. And your mothering instinct will tell you exactly what your child needs from you, and you DO fulfill this otherwise would you child be thriving and growing and being happy?

    What works for you and your DS will be completely different from anyone else, just like what works for DD and myself is completely unique. And to top it all off, it changes all the time anyway, as I am currently learning! DS will respond to you being his SAHM and you will be his mother based on this, in the way that works for you and him.

    It's so hard, but please don't let negative feelings and thoughts get in the way of that. It's a scary, new, hard thing, but I have no doubt you will be the best mum as you have always been, just now you'll be a SAHM. I think your fears sound like in part as though they are coming from being moved into a brand new situation that you're not sure of. I think the trick to it is to have the confidence in yourself as DS's mum to be able to be exactly the mum he needs.

    So... my big word so sum all this up is CONFIDENCE in who you are right now as a mum, not what you think you should be or shouldn't be. You go, marcellus! You can do this, and you ARE a wonderful mum!


    -----------------
    I've just randomly popped up into the thread, I know, and please know I'm always following you all even though I'm not being active. I hope it's ok for me just to pop up and post randomly like this! I haven't really been up for talking about what's been going on for me much - and in fact interacting very much at all - as it's difficult to find the energy and the words to express it effectively. I've been struggling with some PND, but I am staying on top of it as much as possible, and receiving lots of help. DD is doing really really well, and I am learning every day about how to manage PND in order to get along with being a mum

    Hope you're all well - it's great to read and hear about all the wonderful developments that all your LO's are making - so exciting!

    And a big congratulations Willow - congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope the 2nd half goes wonderfully and the excitement builds leading to meeting your newest addition!

    Hopefully I'll be up for posting a little more regularly now, so I hope it's ok for me to try to jump back in the thread a little more...

    Miss C

  18. #306

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    Marcellus, I don't think there's a mother alive who hasn't worried that she's not being the best mother possible to her children... It is something I struggle with, especially on the days when Sam's having a bad day and I simply can't wait for DH to get home so that I can give Sam to him and go take some ME time... Afraid I don't have advice for how to get past it (but reading what the others have said with interest!), but I did want to let you know that you are not alone.

    Miss C, sorry to hear about the PND... it's something I think I'm only barely avoiding. Some days are better than others. for you too. Last I saw there were no rules requiring daily or weekly check ins, so feel free to post as and when you can. Just know that you are missed when you go missing - especially as your little girl is so close in age to Sam - I do like to hear what she is up to.

    On my side of things - I have been utterly exhausted lately. Sam's had a long stint of being velcro baby, my arthritis has been flaring and DH has been working some extra hours. And however much those extra hours are appreciated in financial respects, they do make life damned hard for me when I'm struggling with my health! For the first time yesterday Sam started to show an interest in the toys on his play mat - he wasn't just accidentally hitting them while he flailed his arms around - he was deliberately batting at them! I'm also starting to get what I'm sure are little chuckles. Unfortunately, after that 10 minutes of happily playing by himself I had what was simply the WORST day ever... no sleep, no shower for me. The only way I got food or the toilet was by putting Sam down and letting him scream... There was lots of puking and what was perhaps a low-grade fever (his temperature wasn't in fever range, but it was a bit higher than normal for him - he's a bit like me and runs slightly cold), so I think the poor little thing was feeling rather unwell. He's also constipated and the paed's recommendation of watered down prune juice is taking a while to work this time... Today looks like being a better day, but I'm not sure I'll recover from the lack of sleep the night before last until we hit the weekend and the MTX forces me to sleep through and DH to do the night feeds.

    Like Miss C I've been reading lots, but not posting much - hands have been hurty and they are getting sore again now so I will cut this off here and try to get back later today.

    BW

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