just a selfish ranty sort of post atm girls. Monitoring went well, bub is very good which i'm happy about but showing no signs of budging.

My hope getting in for an induction later this week was scuttled tho and all they can do is put me on a reserve list for Monday because the induction list is full of women who were due at or after xmas and wanted to have their bub before hand! wtf???

so while fluid levels are low and movments are low and i'm postdates, doc is happy to let me go through to monday and even then maybe later. right, okay... cept that means i get the joy of spending my xmas day alone in hospital cos we have parents here from sunday.

not only that, DH will spend the entire week running around between the hosp and home and the airport when he should be spending all his time with me and bub at the hospital. and then when we do get home, it'll be to a house full of people. no babymoon for us.

sorry i know this is completely unreasonable and i SHOULD just let bub come when he comes but that isn't how i feel. i feel sad and stressed and haven't been able to stop crying all afternoon. I just want my baby here and i want me and DH to have time to enjjoy him instead of havng this stressful time where there's people in my home, i'm not there and he's trying to 'do everything'.

and yep, i've given up hope of having him naturally on my own. suppose the past week of constant expectation has really undermined my confidence and i just feel liek everything else on this journey, my body won't do what it's supposed to and nothing ever goes the way we'd wish.

anyhoo, i'm sorry to bring the mood down. and i'm a sooo thankful that we are even at this stage so feel so stupid whinging specially when i think about the even more difficult journeys some girls here have had to get their BFP. and that makes me feel worse.