Pregnancy after LT TTC #15

Kelly, hopefully you will get to that 38 week mark...and hope the stretch marks stay away

bugsmum- I can understand you not being able to fully relax until you have your baby in your arms...it is a lot of monitoring, but at least you will be able to see your bub and see that all is going OK.

dreamrise- fantastic!!! what a great result after your big scare. we are due at the same time :D You must be so relieved. I bet it will be great to have your parents back too and for them to know all is ok.

mum2b- i bet you had a great trip and glad all is on track and you are getting things organised

afm- another blood test today. hopefully i will still be following the hcg curve...in the next week or so i will actually see my hcg start to drop...so am prepared for that. still just tired and on and off queasy, some days worse than others. Happily moving forward through the weeks.

Just wanted to send out HUGE thanks to all you wonderful ladies on here for your support over the last few weeks, unfortunately my time on this thread is only short.

Scan on tues showed no heartbeat and bub measuring 5 days behind, my gut feeling was right. A doctor at the scan place was sent in and gave us "the talk"... so sorry, doesn't look good should see a hb by now blah blah blah. I've lost that "pregnant feeling" in my uterus over the last week....i just know another precious bub has left me. :crying:

Seeing my FS on tues for another scan to confirm, but i know its all over. I've stopped taking all my meds. I dont know where to now...every time this happens a piece of my soul dies, i feel i am only half the woman i was when i started this journey. I feel like such a freak....WHY cant i grow a baby??? I just cant understand why we have been dealt this constant heartache...4 miscarriages in the last 18 mths, it seems to be a 6 monthly cycle of IVF, pregnant, m/c, D&C, IVF, pregnant, m/c, D&C...on and on it goes. We desparately need to break this cycle cause its just killing us...just not sure in which way to change it, which path do we take??

We might have to walk away from this without the ultimate prize. But if they were giving out awards for courage, strength & determination then DH & I would win a gold medal i reckon!! Unfortunately no one will give us "congratulations" for this...instead we will be "THAT couple" that failed and have no baby. Today is our 10 year anniversary together, we were hoping to be celebrating good news. I still have so much to be grateful for, our beautiful love has only grown stronger and more wonderful throughout all of this...i'm so lucky to have one hell of a fantastic man!!

Anyway, it was nice to be here for even a little while, maybe this is our lot...just these little snippets of being pregnant and that feeling of hope and happiness. Despite all that we have been through i KNOW we will be ok and we WILL have our big happy family. We have been looking into adoption in the UK for a little while now, i keep thinking of those poor kids who need loving parents and a true place to call home much more than we need a baby. Its so not fair what we are having to deal with....but even more unfair for neglected and abused kids waiting to be loved.

Thanks again ladies, you have been wonderful and i will miss you :grouphug: All the best for the newbies here i pray that your pregnacy is safe & happy and for those about to meet their precious miracles....please hold them that extra bit closer cause they are just so so special.

Goodbye :hello:
Yogi xxx

No No No!!! Oh Yogi my heart is breaking for you sweetheart. This is just not fair.

I guess firstly I would say that you are having another scan next week, I will still be crossing my fingers for a miracle.

But I also want to say, when we were going through all of the cycles of IVF it was impossible not to become completely disheartened. I would see all these people around me with babies (most deserved them but some weren't even fit to be parents) and I couldn't help but be absolutely FURIOUS with the world and the way it was. Allow yourself to be furious. And then get back in there (if it is right for you of course). Because you sound like such a great person who deserves to have a brilliant little bubba in your arms.

Take comfort from people like possums who has had many miscarriages and has had a condition diagnosed and is being treated. There has to be a reason why this keeps happening and a good FS will make sure they get to the bottom of it. Make sure also you and DH are getting lots of support emotionally too.

I hope you still manage to have a good anniversary with your man. You sound like you're a great couple and I really believe you will one day have your big family. The journey you take to get there may not be the usual one but one thing for sure is that you will be brilliant parents when you do.

Many :hug: and I really hope to see you back in here soon with a super sticky bubby.

Yogi - I am so sorry. I believe you and DH will be able to have that big family you mentioned, whether it be your own pregnancy or providing a loving home to a child in need. You and DH sound like you have something very special together.

Renee - I've been offline for a few days but congratulations on the arrival of Ava Maree. Such a sweet gorgeous name for your 'little' bundle. I'm sure your Grandfather was watching over you and Ava making sure she arrived safely. I remember being in the birthing suite and being told that the labour wasn't progressing, and being offered the epidural and just crying because I felt 'weak', and then to be told I had to have the Caesar it was another blow. It took me a few days to wrap my head around the fact that in the end it didn't really matter, my little man came into the world and I was able to cuddle him, how he got there was irrelevant. Then I struggled with BF (altho my milk did come in while in hospital) and felt like a failure again when the midwives were telling me that altho I had milk my boy wanted more!! So formula it was, and more tears from me that I was not 'woman' enough to provide adequately for Rossi.
There are so many things that can get you down in those first weeks, and it's only now, 4 or so weeks down the track that my poor nipples have recovered and I think we've established 'okay' breastfeeding.
Know that Ava will love her Mummy for doing whatever is the best for her, whether it's formula top ups, formula full time, or breast.
I'm only new at this Mum gig but if u ever need a hand with anything or just want to b:tch about family that comes around and doesn't offer to do the washing up, just let me know! It does get easier :-)

Chrissy.

Hi Ladies,

I am popping in here for the 3rd time in 12 months. 2 miscarriages under my belt this past year and pregnant again with our last FE. And I think last ever as we are fairly broke.

I can see there is good and bad news in here.

Yogi - so sorry to hear that for you. I know that feeling too well myself as I've had 4 miscarriages in total. You have to get off that merry go round at some point as it does drive you a little crazy. Best wishes for whatever road you travel down. I feel that whatever the outcome is for me on this cycle we will adopt a child either way. Take care my lovely.

Some of you ladies are about to hit your due dates. Bet you can't wait to meet your little treasures.

And we have twins in here! Yay! I always wished for twins myself, but there is only one in there.

AFM - sick sick sick. Some days are better than others. Trying so hard to remain positive, but so very scared of another possible loss. In fact I'm pretty sure I was still suffering Post Traumatic stress from recent loss in Sept when I went into this FET. I've woken up once or twice and my temp has been low and tummy flat,then by the end of the day it's all corrected itself. But not until I've spent hours in fear of what that means. The same signs I've had in the past with losses. Is someone out there teasing me or testing my strength and endurance??? Whatever the case it all seems so cruel.

Lori - congrats on your safe outcome. Wow. What a journey you've been on. Makes it that more special.

Well it's nice to be back amongst friends. I look fwd to chatting with you all and sharing your wonderful journeys xoxo

Oh Yogi, my heart breaks for you... I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling. Sending lots and lots of hugs :hug: hopefully you and DH can comfort each other on this very sad yet very special day.

I know that you have lost hope for the scan, but is it OK if I keep hoping for you? Also, did your FS tell you to stop your meds, or the doc doing the scan?

Thinking of you sweetie.

yogi- oh my heart broke when I read your post. I hope there is still a chance for you, because it was only an early scan and you never know...

But I just wanted to say I really understand how you are feeling. The devastation, loss, anger, isolation. I have felt all of it. I had an 18 month period which involved an ectopic, IVF, then 2 miscarriages...and felt just like you...it was just trying to get pregnant, getting pregnant, then D&C and recovery, then again. It can be soul destroying....and it does change us forever, whether or not we become parents we won't ever be the same. In some ways we are better people, stronger, more understanding and sensitive, more grateful and aware etc...but in other ways we are marked in a negative way, and grieve for the parts of us that have been taken away by these experiences. I too have felt like a failure, why havent I been able to conceive and keep a baby? etc.

It's tough, but try to separate your trying to conceive journey from the essence of who you are as a person... You arent a freak at all, you are a strong, brave woman, who, for whatever medical reason, hasn't been able to have a baby yet. I have done a fair bit of counselling on that ...trying to anchor my self esteem in who I am ....not in the fertility stuff, if that makes sense.
I pray that all is not lost this time. I send you my love and hugs. Please if you want to talk PM me.
Take time to feel all the emotions you are going through, take some time out, then think about what the best next step is for you and your DH.
I am glad you have been looking into other options and that you and DH are so strong and close (it can be testing on couples that's for sure). You will have your family and you will be a fantastic mum.
Thinking of you xx

mindhugs- congratulations on your pregnancy and may this be a sticky baby. I relate to you, in the trying to enjoy it, yet worrying at the same time. I really hope all is right on track for you. Have you had an early scan?

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You arent a freak at all, you are a strong, brave woman, who, for whatever medical reason, hasn't been able to have a baby yet.

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I absolutely, 100% agree with this!

Yogi, I am so sorry to read your news. I wish there were words that could make this easier for you, but I know there aren't. I know that one day you will be a fabulous mum, whichever road brings you there. I truly hope this is the last disappointment on your journey to parenthood.

mindhugs, congrats on your BFP! I hope you have a H&H 9 months!

Yogi, I am so so sorry. I agree totally with what Possums said too. I'm also really impressed by your attitude. It's clear that you'd be a wonderful mum and that both you and your DH would be wonderful parents, with such a strong relationship. Pregnancy/birth etc is a biological accident. My dad is my adopted dad (my biological father died when I was a baby). I love my dad just the same, and he loves me the same, I know it. In fact, he's very dear to me, even more than my mum sometimes (who did give birth to me - I've heard the details many times!). It's hard to explain. Anyway, whatever path you choose, whether adoption, or trying again, I am wishing for a child for you guys very very soon.

WW

Hi Yogi,

I'm so sorry to hear your news. I really hope that you have a miracle and the scan on Tuesday shows that bub has somehow survived. Can I ask why you have to wait so long for that scan?

This IVF attempt which I concieved on was to be my last attempt too and I didn't have any miscarriages - just didn't concieve which made me feel like a failure... so even though I haven't been through the same heart break as you I can relate to the feeling of it just not being fair... especially when you see some people who just shouldn't be parents manage to spit out kid after kid... it seems like a cruel joke.

It's great that you and your husband are able to be so supportive and strong as I know the whole trying to concieve journey can be very testing on a relationship - I admit it factored into why I split with my ex (though it wasn't the sole reason).

It's great that you have already started to look into other options - like adoption and I wish you the very best of luck with that. I know it too can be a very long and heart breaking process - though at least you don't have the raging hormones etc to deal with at the same time. I truly hope you are able to have the family you have dreamed of.

Best wishes
Lori

Oh girls, i'm sitting here in tears at all your beautiful words...thank you :hug: I feel like you all know me so well...more so than my own mother (who has been very unsupportive through all this, but thats another story!!) I guess its something that only those who have had similar experiences can relate.

FS wanted to wait a week for another scan just to be sure but I just know that bub has gone. After 5 m/c i've become so in-tune with my body and my intuition...i've learnt to trust it in that way i guess! I just knew on monday after the bt results that something was not right and the doc at the scan place seemed pretty sure & hey they are doing this ALL the time. Plus, i'm just so tired of hanging on to hope when i know deep down the truth. When times are tough DH & i always try to count our blessings. After the scan we thought about that sonographer doing scans all day long and diagnosing bad news for people...how many people get cancerous lumps discovered each day? DH & I are blessed with good health and each day he comes home from work i'm just so happy to have him back safe & sound.

Possums i totally agree with what you said about changing us forever....In a strange kind of way i'm almost grateful for this journey for teaching me so much about myself & people in general. I've discovered that an awful lot of the population live in such ignorance and self-centredness. I'm so glad i'm not one of those people. Unfortunately because of this i've become less sociable and feel more distanced from general society. When people complain about trivial everyday things like its the end of the world i find it very hard to have sympathy!

Worrywart that's so great that you have such a close relationship with your dad. I know genetics is important for understanding who you are physically and where you came from but as far as relationships are concerned...they mean nothing. I've never really had a close bond with my own mother and its only been highlighted and confirmed throughout this journey. I love her dearly but that trust just isnt there...no amount of genetics and flesh & blood can change that.

As heartbreaking as m/c are they are all the more frustrating cause you know you CAN fall pg but surely there must be a reason why they keep failing. Lori i can also understand that not being about to fall would be equally disheartening, again its finding the reason and trying to "fix it".
I am really starting to believe that maybe these awful CD57 killer cells are the reason, its just too hard to believe now that its purely an egg quality issue (this was what i was told in the past)...would old dodgey eggs consistently allow me to conceive every time and progress to 6-8 weeks?? I'm wondering if i have the energy & strength to pursue a suitable treatment for this, the prednisolone is not working maybe i need something stronger? But it scares me to keep trying as i feel like i am killing my precious bubs each time.

Sorry to ramble on, i know i shouldn't really be talking about this is a pregancy thread...but it feels so good to get it out here so thanks for listening. Again ladies you are so lovely and i thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your kind words and support. It makes me a little sad that if i passed any of you on the street i could not recognise you to give you a big hug...but please know that i most certainly would if i could so i hope each & every one of you can all feel this coming out to you now....:hug: :hug: & more :hug:

Yogi xxx

Thankyou Yogi for coming back in to see us. You have an amazing perspective and strength. I know what you mean re being less social, it's just something we have to do to stay sane. I wish you all the best x

Welcome (back) mindhugs! What a hard road you've been travelling. Fingers crossed for you this bubba is a sticky one and I'm looking forward to sharing our journeys.

And hey Juniper - how you going there which way is your little miss facing?

Hey Yogi,

If it does in fact turn out turn out that you have lost this precious one, then perhaps might be worth checking out other things like killer cells. I spent 3 months at the end of last year getting that all checked out. Each IVF miscarriage we had the foetus matter was sent off to a lab to show nothing was wrong (Dr said 80% of people get some kind of an answer with these tests). So my new specialist tested me and DH for EVERYTHING & I mean EVERYTHING. She stopped at nothing. To cut a long story short the only thing she could find was that I kept getting BV infections from an overgrowth of Strep B (usually a sign there is an immune disorder, which they tested me for and couldn't find). A bacteria that normally exists quite happily in everybody, and one that my IVF Dr didn't care too much about. Yet since she treated me with anti-biotics for this and part way through my pregnancy so far, I have my 1st really strong chance. I've had 2 early scans and we can see the baby has grown with strong heartbeat. They are big on combatting bacteria in the States when it comes to infertility, but hasn't cottoned on over here as yet.

There was another girl in here (can't remember her name). Anyway, after 7 IVF miscarriages her specialist (not IVF Dr) treated her for a bacteria that is present in her urine and she now has a beautiful baby. Again, it was a bacteria that most Dr's will tell you is present in most people and not a problem, yet she's now got results. She is the one that encouraged me to get tested for bacteria's. I knew I suffered BV but didn't know why.

So I think there is something to be said for these "popular & ever present" bacteria and infertility. Hard to find a Dr here who will assist you with that though. Certainly don't expect any IVF Dr's or GP's to buy it.

There is a great website worth checking out that my Specialist researched for me: www.rialab.com

Fingers & toes crossed for you xoxo

Yogi - I don't know if you will return to look at any more comments again, but I welled up reading your post. Every girl on here knows how desperate we get to fulfil our dream and I am so so sorry to hear that you may have to walk away from this option. Your post was so eloquant and although you may have been typing through tears, it was written with strength and courage. I loved your comments about your DH and feel as passionately about my DH, more so after our IVF journey. Good luck my dear, and if you were here I would give you the biggest hug possible, xx

Yogi, sending so many of these: :hug: right back at you!

I know you said you're in tune with your body and you feel that this is over and I am not going to question that. However, I wanted to make a quick comment about test results if you don't mind. I've seen a few cases during my time TTC of couples told that they would m/c based on test results only for them to have successful pregnancies. They're definitely the minority, but it does happen. In one particular case, a friend's hcg levels had dropped but that pg went on to produce a beautiful little boy. More recently, another friend had terribly low and slow-rising hcg levels, but has now reached 20wks with that pg. As I said, I trust that you know your body better than anyone else because you have been in this position far too many times before and I am not second-guessing your intuition. I just wanted to mention this so that you don't ever doubt your body's messages if they don't match the test results.

Bug'sMum, doing okay here. At yesterday's OB appt she was still head down, so hopefully she'll stay that way. I think she's still kicking me in the ribs today because it doesn't feel the same as when her head was up there. The MW did note that this one likes to keep her legs stretched out. Good thing I'm not short or we'd be in trouble...

Yogi my heart is also bleeding for you right now. Its just not fair. I would advise that you also look into PGD IVF for reaccuring m/c's. It may also be time for a fs/clinic change. There is obviously some investigation needed, which can sometimes call for a different kind of fs.

IVF is a long and painful and expensive process but please dont give up. We all deserve for our dreams to come true and im sure you will get yours.

xoxo

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Unfortunately because of this i've become less sociable and feel more distanced from general society. When people complain about trivial everyday things like its the end of the world i find it very hard to have sympathy!

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Yogi, I feel EXACTLY that way and have also become less social etc. Like you I am grateful for some of the ways our experiences have changed me, but it certainly does make it hard to have sympathy for trivial complaints, gossip etc.

I also relate to that feeling that something with your body is killing your bubs...I too have been through that. Fortunately for me, they were able to diagnose issues. I only hope my treatment will indeed be enough this time. If you do decide you have the strength to pursue further testing etc, perhaps a different FS? (or you may be very happy with your current one). I actually switched after my last miscarriage and my new FS did all the extensive testing on me and I found her much more thorough in general. Also, it's important not to feel guilt, because whether there is something medically wrong which is causing this, it really is not your fault and is totally beyond your control. I know though, of course, how heartbreaking it is.

And please dont worry about chatting about this in here, I am sure everyone is more than happy to try and be of support...and talking to other women who 'get it' is the best therapy I think. Sorry your mum isn't there in the way you need. Hopefully you can find lots of support here to help you through. And of course still dearly hope your intuition is wrong this time ....hugs xx

Hi everyone,

Yogi - I am so so sorry. :hug:I have nothing to offer but feel free to talk as much as you need. I can't imagine how hard it must be to cope, you've been through so much but you sound so strong, I know you'll have a beautiful family!!! Please be gentle with yourself, I echo everyone else's comments, you are definitely not a freak. I have no idea how this whole fertility thing work it seems so mysterious sometimes.

Take care of yourself! and I hope you have a really good anniversary with hubby....

xoxo

Hi everyone,

Possums, so glad to hear your news, I used to be excited to have u/s but am now terrified. But am so glad everything went well!!!

Welcome (back) mindhugs!

Just a quick one from me today as have a busy day! Thankyou for your concern. I had another scan on thursday 9 weeks exactly and baby measured perfectly on time I'm so used to having bad news from scans I get really nervous every time! Now I have another worry - I feel stupid complaining - but I'm such an idiot, somehow yesterday I kept getting woken up from my nap ( I know this sounds like a luxury but it really helps keep my morning sickness down). I flopped on the bed 3 times, on my side though, I think I was just really exhausted and now am worried I have shaken the poor little thing up!

Bug's mum - atm I'm due on the 25th August - thanks for updating the list.

Hope everyone is going well!

xoxo

Hi Ladies,

Yogi - I just read your news and it tore at my heart. You write so well and so coherently - I can only imagine how hard it must be to calm your mind and emotions to get it all out so clearly. I don't know a lot about the process of adoption but I desperately hope that it will not deliver the heartache and disappointments of your journey so far. My DH's family have a lot of adopted members and they have such a special bond. I hope you get to meet your beautiful healthy baby very soon. Take care of yourself! xxooxoxo

Sorry, still me....

Mindhugs - hi, hope all goes well this time round. Glad to hear you are feeling sick ;) Hope it's the first of lots of lovely pregnancy symptoms, IYKWIM!!!

Aimee - your baby is FINE - remember how tiny it is, and how much stuff is surrounding it at this stage.

Possums - phew and yay for another great scan. I am getting more and more doubtful the longer I have to wait for my next one. When will they look again?

I am no longer feeling nauseous all the time, and so obviously this is making me quite concerned. I am inching closer and closer to the 12 week point and even though my chances of mc aren't any lower now than a few weeks ago I am just happy that there aren't as many days to get through. I don't want this to end. I can't go back to the start and do it all again. Less than 2 weeks till a scan.

Hope you are enjoying your weekends, xo

Kaybee- hang in there, not too long now until your scan and until you will be safely in the second tri... next scan for me is at 10 weeks, so about 1.5 weeks away.

aimee- glad your scan was spot on! great news...and flopping onto the bed won't have harmed your tiny little one :-)


have a good weekend everyone!

Amen to the 1st tri milestone. And then the milestone's just keep on keeping on until birth!

Kaybee, Possum & Aimee - the 3 of us have a lot of losses between us. Makes you so paranoid with every little symptom or non symptom. I think the fear and despair we feel at times is linked to what the hormones are doing to us as well. These weeks and scans before the 1st tri are so nerve racking. And it's like a rollercoaster ride. I have a feeling we will all be good and get through FINALLY!

I'm not sure what's wrong with my ticker, but I am 9 weeks and 2 days. Due 27th August - currently. I do know that date can change as you go along.

I have stopped taking my temp as it's all over the place, yet the scans all look great so far. My next one is at 10.5 weeks next Wed. Hoping and praying for that.

Is everyone looking for an OB at this stage already? My IVF Dr told me to find one and book. I've had 4 miscarriages - 2 last year, and I feel like I don't want to rush things in case I taint my chances. Sounds stupid doesn't it? Last year I was looking up prams, names etc getting all excited and invested in the pregnancies only to find the heartbeat stop and then having D&C's. It made my heartache worse.

When should you see an OB for the 1st time? Also when is the nuchal fold done?

As I'm 38 and have worked for a Disabled Kids charity, I am seriously considering doing an Amnio. I've also had a close girlfriend do an Amnio and find a devastating result which led to her terminating. It was just awful for her to go through. Has anyone in here done an Amnio?

Hope your weeks have started off well lovely ladies. The sun is shining on the Gold Coast today :)

mindhugs- I was also thinking that there's a bunch of us who have suffered quite a few losses, which certainly does increase the first tri anxiety!

glad your scans look good so far....and I am right with you waiting for the next one...mine is in a week, which will be 10 weeks (well 9 wks 6 days) for me. I am sooo nervous waiting for it, and hoping the heartbeat is still going.

unfortunately in Port Macquarie we don't have the option of private obstetrics...and from 12 weeks we have to go to the hospital clinic. As I am high risk I will see a dr each time though (instead of a midwife) and have more regular scans etc.

nuchal fold is done between 11-13 weeks i believe.

am also wondering whether anyone in here has done an amnio? I think if our risk comes in as high after the 12 week scan and blood test, then we will.

Given your history, I would book in with an Ob asap

glad the sun is out for you :-)

yogi- thinking of you, not sure if you are still reading this thread

afm- all ok (I hope!!!!!!!)....scan in one week....and still my weekly blood tests (last one showed levels were good). Saw my endocrinologist on Friday and the Graves Disease is still under control and I am just on low level of thyroid meds, thankfully. I so hope everything is still OK in there. If we have a good scan at 10 weeks we will officially be in unchartered territory.

mindhugs, I was told by my FS to find an OB after our first scan (7w2d). Like you, I was apprehensive about it, but did it anyway. I was booked in by 8wks. When I booked, I was told I was the 2nd last one they'd take for around our due date. So, as difficult as it is, if you want your choice of OB (rather than whoever is left), book now. My OB normally sees patients at 10wks for the first appt, but we couldn't get an appt that soon, so we had to wait until 12wks. We had our 2nd scan with the FS at 10wks anyway, so it wasn't a big deal. And Possums is right - nuchal scan window is 11-13wks. You need a referral but it doesn't have to be from your OB. I just got my referral from my GP. But the GP did require proof of pregnancy. Fortunately they had a letter from my FS since I was referred to him by another GP at that clinic.

Kaybee, symptoms will come and go. It really did my head in during the 1st tri.

Possums, FX for a perfect 10wk scan!!! Uncharted territory is great!!!

Aimee, I'm sure bub is fine. No amount of flopping on the bed is going to hurt them at this stage.

So glad we are all just coasting along for the moment.

Juniper - thanks for the reassurance. I am very aware of how much of a paranoid freak I sound in here. In real life I really am quite normal (but that's all relative, isn't it?).

Mindhugs - at the risk of repeating all that has been said.... Book your OB now to make sure you get in. And the nuchal scan they like to do as close as possible to exactly 12 weeks to make sure they have a few days up their sleeve if baby is a bit bigger or if they have to get you back in for some reason. I haven't thought about an amnio at all. I think it's something I would do if recommended by the doc.

I have booked in for my 12 week scan - next friday. It is so hot here today which is making DS not sleep. Hot, tired 2 year olds are so much fun! Take care ladies xo

Thanks for all the advice ladies.

We had done our research already and just needed to book which I did today. Lucky I did as couldn't get in to see the guy until my week 14. I'm going to ask my IVF Dr if he'll scan me again at Wk 12 as I can't wait from weeks 10 to week 14. It will kill me. He is an ex-OB at the same hospital, so I'm gonna ask him about the amnio too. Sounds like an uncomfortable test, but 1st hand experience working with kids with disabilities and their families, I am willing to get tested. Besides at my age and after 4 and half years of trying I need to know.

I grew up in a tiny cul de sac in a small suburb in Sydney. I found out last year that 5 of the girls I grew up with in the street have had children with disabilities. That really concerned me..............

Possums -10 weeks is unchartered territory for me also. I remember the look of my stomach the last time my fetus died. Everyday I check it to make sure it doesn't look the same way.

I also got accepted into a difficult university course that required over 92% to get in. Starts in late Feb. At this stage I don't know what to do. It's not offered part time and only allows 1 year deferral. If I have this baby it will only be 5 months old the same time next year. Decisions decisions.

Does anyone else study at the moment or run their own business? If so what do you plan to do when bub comes along?

Sorry about all the questions. We don't want to tell anyone we're pregnant until we have firm results from the amnio which is a while off yet. So I have no one else to discuss with. DH is no good at talking this thru with me.

Kaybee, you're preaching to the paranoid choir here... ;)

mindhugs, do you think you could manage the first semester of uni and then defer from mid this year to mid next year? Congrats on getting into such a demanding course! Also, if you'd be getting a nuchal scan, that would be around 12wks, so you may not have to bother your IVF Dr for a scan then? I'd be inclined to see what results the nuchal scan gave before committing to an amnio, but I can see why you'd be thinking of it and we each have to do what we think is best.

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I also got accepted into a difficult university course that required over 92% to get in. Starts in late Feb. At this stage I don't know what to do. It's not offered part time and only allows 1 year deferral. If I have this baby it will only be 5 months old the same time next year. Decisions decisions.

Does anyone else study at the moment or run their own business? If so what do you plan to do when bub comes along?

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Mindhugs, I think it is worthwhile making inquiries about whether you could defer after semester 1. I studied when I was pregnant with my daughter. Luckily for me my course finished around 6 weeks before my daughter was due but I had to complete a work placement of 3 weeks so I only finished that 3 weeks before my daughter was due. I was lucky I had a very easy pregnancy - only had morning sickness from week 10 to week 20. I then started part-time work when my daughter was 5 weeks old. I wouldn't have wanted to study full time at that stage but if you can defer for a year from July 11 to July 12 then I think you should be able to fit it in okay.

I am now running my own business - family day care. It means I don't get any paid leave so my plan was to work until as close to my due date as possible and then see when I was ready to start back but today the mother of the family I look after revealed they will be moving to Qld in early July so I guess rather than start with a new family for only a few weeks I will take a break from then and see when I feel ready to start with a new family.

Best wishes with the decision making
Lori
DD- 14 (who I have raised as a single mum from birth except for 2 years when she was 11 - 13). I also returned to full time study when she was 2 years old.

Mindhugs,
My DH and I have a new business (as well as being on maternity leave from my own job) which I will continue to work in after bubs number 2 is born in the next few weeks. I have done lots of study to post grad so have a good understanding and from my experience, given the situation, I would defer for a year. You can decide then, and remember that if you got in once, you can apply again, although it's not guaranteed, but 5 months is an entirely different proposition to studying with a newborn which isn't quite so easy, but it can be done. To be honest the biggest challenge will be child care, but you can have a year to work that out :)
Kaybee - goodluck with the scan next week, I am sure everything will be fine :)
Juniper - not long now!!!
Aimee, Possums, Bugs Mum - hope you guys are doing well and hi to everyone I have missed.

Yogi - Not sure if you are reading this thread still but I am so sorry to have missed your posts. Thinking of you xx

AFM - First cool day in weeks and weeks, but hotting up again tomorrow and over 36+ humid from Friday. Had to take off my wedding and engagement rings yesterday as I am getting fat fingers and cankles. I never had these with my DD, but this friggin heat is ridiculous. Ob appointment on Friday and he is happy to induce with with my dodgy hip at 38 weeks so I could have only 2 weeks and 3 days to go if I agree - scary!!

Lairdoz - so close - 2 and a half weeks! Were you induced with your first or was it a natural labour?

Juniper - how are you feeling now that you are so close? And which way is bub facing now?

Dreamrise - it looks like things will work out fairly well with your business. A few more weeks with the family might have been better, but at least everybody will be happy. I am amazed at how you must do it. I thought about doing family daycare for a split second then thought there was no way I could handle it.

Mindhugs - congratulations on getting into your course. Can I ask what it is? I haven't had to study with a baby before, but considered doing my masters at one stage. And I have a job with great mat leave so can't really help there either. I think working or studying with an 8-9 month old is MUCH more do-able than with a 5 month old, especially if you are breastfeeding. At least when they are a bit older they are eating food as well and have less feeds during the day - so easier for whoever has the baby (and your boobs). What a massive decision. Hope it works out for you.

School holidays end this week and with it my free time on BB. I should be doing some work now. Seeyas

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all your guidance and advice. I enjoyed hearing how others are planning on working/studying once bub is here!!

I'm gonna wait until my scan next week before ringing the uni to try and sort something out. Would be ideal to get 1 semester in then defer for a year. Only my 1st semester involves a lot of lab work with chemistry, so not sure how that will be for pregnancy? I'm going to be studying 'Bachelor of Nutrition & Dietetics'. Very popular course judging by how difficult it was to get in.

Has anyone here noticed that when lying on their side the belly moves to the side? I'm just over 9 weeks, but due to all my miscarriages and abdominal surgery am showing already. When I lie on my back it almost all disappears. When I stand up it comes back again. So many strange experiences with your body and pregnancy.

Lairdoz - wow you're nearly there. Must be an amazing feeling to know that meeting your baby is just weeks away now. How exciting for you!!!

Hey everyone, just popping in to say Hello. Haven't been able to use computer much because of carpal tunnel (pregnancy-related) and bad neck (not sure on that one).

Mindhugs, congrats on your course. I studied and still have a long way to go to qualify to practise (psychology), though I've never had kids and really wonder about balancing that. It can depend on your work style, the demands of the course and of course .. the unknown, your baby. Others have already given great advice. Oh, and as for how you have to book OB etc so early, I remember our FS giving us the news that we might have a molar pregnancy (we didn't) and then in the next breath asking "So where do you want to deliver?". I was 6 weeks along. I just gaped, literally. "Deliver? Huh?". GL for the scans coming up.

Also, hang in there Kaybee, Aimee, Possums and everyone in first tri. A tough time indeed. Thinking of you all.

Lairdoz, so you think you'll get induced? Exciting. Let us know how you're going.

Juniper, not too long. How are things with you?

AFM, just hanging in, with a few increased symptoms like sore hands and sore legs/hips (a few twinges but thank god no mammoth cramps recently touch wood). The baby's still head down and the OB says "biggish" ie will be 8 pounds plus which he says is about as big as you'd want for my size (I'm small). Still, my mum birthed my brother who was over 9 pounds, though her second. Anyway, he also said that the baby's prob not coming too soon so I'm just getting used to this and trying to enjoy the R&R (I get a fair bit, though I'm being very naughty and having a small coffee and cake each day, which kind of hypes me up, which is so silly, but it's like I have no self control).


Anyway, belly rubs to all.

WW

Hi everyone,

Thanks everyone for your sensible comments. I guess I'm just worried I'll eat or do the wrong thing again (we lost :angel:no 2 because I ate something I shouldn't have, I had food poisoning and a missed m/c at 13 weeks).

Possums - what an exciting time, glad your bt's are going well and hope that your scan also goes really well next week and you enjoy seeing your bub again!!!

Mindhugs - thanks for your support, did you book into an OB yet? It sounds like your organised with your uni plans, its so hard to know, I think a lot depends on bub too, but if you can defer that would give you some nice time with baby without having to worry about classes and assignment and exams, but you sound very organised and capable so I'm sure it will be ok. When i lie on my side my stomach flops to the side and practically hugs the floor/bed but i think my abs are in quite bad shape

Lairdoz - wow not long now! exciting and a bit scary, hope your next appointment goes well.

Kaybee - I know severe morning sickness is not nice, but on off morning sickness really does play with your mind too! with my DD's i vomited every morning (and sometimes night) until after the first trimester was over, but with this one sometimes i wake up feeling ok and its so worrying. Glad your scan is coming up soon, hope it all goes perfectly!

Juniper - thanks for your support, wow so close now can't wait to hear about bub's arrival and hope you're coping ok in the weather.

Dreamrise - hope all is going well, such a pain about not getting any pay, but glad you have a few weeks to rest and see how everything goes. Does the new government mat leave subsidy help out for people running their own business?

Worrywart - wow so far along now, its great to hear some good news, hope you're managing to stay comfortable and enjoy your r&r. I had a few weeks of before I had DD1 and she came out really calm and happy!

afm - I'm sorry to be such a whinger, on sunday i had a sudden onset of pain in my left ovary and while i was chatting with some friends had a fainting spell (embarrassed, they don't know i'm pregnant yet), hubby and i had to leave quickly and i had a extremely intense severe pain for about 2 hours, i rang the hospital but just as we were about to go in, it began to ease. My fs had just warned me that my left overy could twist because of my ohss. I went (like a paranoid freak) to have a quick check up on monday, dr seems to think i must have just had a or multiple cysts rupture, they were starting to collapse again on the u/s. I had a 2 second look at bub too and saw him kicking around which was nice.

Does anyone else still have any OHSS? I didn't have too much pain early on but over the last few weeks it has been getting worse.

yogi - if you're still here, thinking of you....

hi to bug's mum and anyone else i've missed!!!! i have trouble keeping up sometimes.

take care xoxo

Aimee- sounds like a scary trip to the hospital...sorry to hear you are still having pain- I hope it eases. I am not suffering anything other than slight pain in my right ovary still

worrywart- hope you don't get too uncomfortable with those symptoms....I can understand you having a little treat each day.

mindhugs- congrats on getting into your course and good luck making a decision on the best way to handle things. It is amazing seeing the changes in the body as pregnancy progresses isn't it! enjoy

kaybee- hope all is going well with you...my morning sickness comes and goes some days and i have a mini freak out! good luck for your next scan

lairdoz- wow, so close! exciting and scary I bet- I can only imagine being at that stage!

yogi- thinking of you...did you have your scan today?

a big hello to everyone else here!

afm- had a great session with my acupuncturist today, which helped calm me down (anxious this week, just want to get past where we've reached before). Morning sickness (which for me has just been all day queasy feeling to varying degrees) is not as bad today, so panicked a bit...but I do know it can come and go! Next BT is thursday.
happy australia day for tomorrow everyone

Leabie i hope you are holding your precious bundle by now and getting lots of cuddles!!

Worrywort and juniper Good luck ladies i hope everything goes smoothly for you and you will both be getting cuddles so soon, how exciting!!!!

Hi to all you other lovely ladies hope you are all doing well.

Ava is perfect! We are still having feeding issues with my milk taking 12 days to come in and i only got a very small amount so she is getting both but she seems happy and content with that, it is me who is having difficulties coming to terms with it! Can't believe she is 2 weeks old already!

Hi again beautiful ladies, sorry to keep lumping you all with my misery and i apologise this is another "me" post (i really hate being like this)...but i really need help...i am in a bad way at the moment...

Scan yesterday confirmed bub passed away around 6 weeks so i go in for D&C tomorrow. On sunday DH & I went to the movies to try and take our minds off things (however we saw Black Swan which is pretty dark and probably not the best of choices!!)...anyway, as soon as we walked in the door home the phone rang & it was my mother. DH answered and i could tell by his expressions and the way he was talking that my mum was being her usual self and instantly launching into her own talk about what she has been doing, trivial everyday stuff...not a mention of "how are things going with you there". To briefly fill you in - this is normal for my family in general. My mum & dad decided themselves that they would keep their distance with regards to our "personal problems" and not ask any questions. They know our situation, i have told them years ago about ivf and our miscarriages in the past but because of their own attitude of "leave them be, they will sort it out themselves" i have had to adapt and grin & bear the me me me talk from my mother and act like all is "hunky dory" for us.
So anyway, i then get on the phone and again she goes straight into what she has been doing, about the dogs, about them going away camping about a movie she say last weekend....i was starting to get smoke out my ears at this stage, giving short, blunt answers. Eventually she says "well anyway, i'll let you go, i know you have only walked in the door (after she has just spent 20 mins talking dribble!).....so then i flipped....could not control my anger, years of built up hurt at her lack of respect & compassion for our situation. I said "we are going through absolute HELL at the moment and have been for the past 5 years and you cant even bother to ask how we are going and what we have been doing"....it want on, but i knew it was falling on deaf ears as i have tried in the past to explain how we need support, empathy & care & compassion etc....we are dealing with major life-changing trauma & heartbreak, i am her daughter for gods sake!!! My mother has ALWAYS never taken on any responsibility herself and will always try to put "blame" on someone else. She pretty much blamed me for my behaviour and eventually said "I am going to end this conversation now and its up to you to contact us and let us know how we can help"....so that was it. She has thrown it back onto me...here i am going through yet another miscarriage, my world is falling apart and now my own mother has deserted me.

....its gets worse...

when i get off the phone i am so upset & shaking like a leaf...i just snap...i threw the phone down on the loungeroom floor and smashes into pieces (we have mainly tiles in our house)...i smash up the fan in the living room....i move to the computer room and throw the ironing board and iron around the room and smash huge holes in the door, i move to the spare room and throw the spare TV on the floor, smashing my toe, before curling into a ball and hyperventalating, struggling to breathe. My poor DH witnessing all this, trying to stop me.

The neighboors were obviously concerned cause within about 10 mins the police are at the door thinking it was some domestic violence case. Had to explain it all to them, while noticing my legs are badly cut up bleeding and bruised.

Is this a nervous breakdown? I'm not sure what to call it but its years of stress & heartbreak & trauma built up and now my mother has left me too. About an hour later i realised i'd even wet my pants through all this....i've never experienced anything like this in my whole life...its absolute rock bottom for me.

So here i am, i've lost yet another precious bub and now my own mother....and i feel like i've been made to feel guilt, like its my fault. For all my mum knows i could have put myself in hospital but i know she will not ring me now...she has left it up to me to ring and she will probably expect an apology.

Ladies, am i being unreasonable? Is this my fault with my mum. I have tried so hard to be the good daughter over the years...heres an example. In 2008, my 1st m/c i had a D&C on the tues, the sunday (just 5 days later) was mothers Day and we both went to my parents with the rest of the family for "happy family" dinner....i did it for my mum cause i love her. She did not know about the m/c at the time. I remember crying all the way home in the car that day. Later i did tell mum about this and how hard it was to get through the day but i wanted her to have a nice mother day. Just one of many examples where i have put on a brave face for my family.

Anyway, thanks for listening, sorry i know this is not the place for this. I am definitely going to seek professional counselling for this. I just need to sort out these issues and put myself first for a change.

Any advice welcome....please tell me if i'm the one being unreasonable with my mother..i'm just finding it hard to accept that its my fault she doesn't know how to be supportive for her own daughter. Its just not fair that i have to be dealing with this especially at the moment, it not fair i am feeling guilty for this.

Thanks again
From a twisted & screwed up Yogi :redface:
xxx

Wow Yogi - get it all out!! I don't feel anywhere near qualified enough to be the first one to reply here. You (as everyone has said) have been through so much. So many losses - and we all know it is not about the numbers as even one mc is a lifetime of pain. Long term TTC is its own long drawn-out torture. To endure all of this with STILL no result would be more than enough to make anyone half as strong as you flip out. We, who understand, would not wish this fate on even our worst enemy and can only hope that our loved ones never experience the same pain. All we can hope is for our family and close friends to be there and offer their loving support. Nobody can ever quite know what to say at these times - even those who have been through it themselves - but just being there, offering a hug, a chat, some flowers, a coffee even can mean so much. Your mum has obviously never even tried to contemplate or understand what you are going through. Would she be so absent if you had a serious illness? I don't understand how or why she wouldn't want to even try to understand or help. How can you stand there and watch your daughter in pain, crying out for help then throw it back at her and make her feel guilty??? It's crazy.

I guess if you hadn't had your destructive "episode" then you would have only found another way of letting off steam which could have ended up much worse - better a broken tele than broken bones in a car crash or something.

Anyway, I am rambling - I really think (as you said) that you need to go and get some counselling. You had enough to cope with already and were already starting to blame yourself for your fertility problems and now adding your mother's issues on top of it all is not a good idea. I hope they can help you see how strong you really are. MASSIVE :hug:

oh Yogi :hug:

I have no idea what to say but couldn't not post. I'm so so sorry.

I know I'm in a very different situation to you and cannot imagine the pain that you are going through......I'm sure you are grieving many different things right now and feeling unsupported by family is another "blow" (not sure if I used the right word).

Not that its an excuse at all, some people don't seem to be able to understand what you are going through if they have not experienced the emotional pain of your heartbreaking journey themselves. But it must be heartbreaking to not be supported by your mum.

I think we've all snapped before in different ways, don't be too hard on yourself. I think the hormones are also horrible and I had quite a few meltdowns (PMS x 100 if that makes sense).

I'm so sorry, don't feel bad for venting it sounds like you've been through a horiffic ordeal. Praying for you hun, I really do wish there was something I could do....but am happy to listen anytime....

xoxo

Oh Yogi you have me in tears again! Of course your not unreasonable, if your mother expects you to listen to her day to day drivel she could at least show you the same courtesy and listen and give support to your situation. Your HER baby, she should want to hold you and make you feel better.

The counseling is a great idea, i honestly think you should also look into genetic counseling and a change of clinic or FS. There MUST be an explanation for what keeps happening to you. You may need PGD IVF or some kind of injections to keep you pregnant.

I hope you feel better soon and please dont give up on your dream.

xoxo