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Thread: Sad from lack of family/friends support

  1. #1
    *ducky* Guest

    Default Sad from lack of family/friends support

    Hi bellybelly ladies,

    Hope it's okay to post a new thread here, just really wanted someone to talk/vent to. I have kept quiet and positive for ages, and I guess I've boiled over now.

    I am pregnant, after TTC for two years, failed IUI, failed IVF, and loss. Although friends and family don't know all of the details, they do know the facts. My sadness is their lack of support now.

    My girlfriends don't invite me out anymore - I guess a pregnant woman is not as much fun to hang with - and they change the subject if anything baby related comes up. My family are just as selfish as they ever were, and have only even seen me twice since having my belly. Even my TTC buddy won't see me, although I know it's probably because she is hurting as she has not be successful yet So I do understand fully about her, but the rest of my family and friends don't even acknowledge that I'm pregnant most of the time. I get excited about their lives, even when it's a new pair of shoes they have found!

    The thing is, has anyone else found this and what did you do? Do you meet new people when you have a baby, who have obviously more in common, eg. mothers groups? Or do you point out to current people that their support is lacking?

    I'm trying to be the most positive I can be, and at home when it's hubby and me, the world is fantastic, we have been granted our wish of years, and we are so happy. I just wish others wouldn't pull me down.....

    Sorry if I have offend any TTC readers. I do know how lucky I am right now to have my little miracle growing in my belly.

    I just would like to share my happiness a little!


  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    In the middle of Pink and Blue!!!
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    I want to say congatulations. I say enjoy it no matter what and there are always people here for you

    I do know sort of how you feel. My sil had her second baby and i did everything for her cleaned, washed, looked after her eldest during the day while she slept. Then when i found out i was pregnant with my second NOTHING. Not that i expect anything in return but something would of been nice. So now i have given up and do NOTHING for her. If she asks me for something i try and make excuses why i can't. I think that friends and especially family should be there for each other.

    Oh well this is suppose to be about you sorry. I am very happy for you and can't wait to hear how the rest of your pregnancy goes. I find this site great for support. Do you know what you are having?
    Names?
    Congratulations and good luck for the rest of your pregnancy.

    Nikki

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    in lactation land
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    hi ducky

    i am sorry you are having a tough time of it. TTC is a tough enough journey and you wldn't expect that once you are pg it wld continue. i don't understand your family's attitude but i think you shd try and enjoy yr pg, perhaps by starting here on BB where there are multitudes of women and men who will be excited by your news (ME INCLUDED!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!) and happy to chat, offer advice or just listen.

    are there people you know that have children already that you can talk to? mothers seem to normally be more than happy to discuss pregnancy as it is was a special time and they can probably remember what it was like the first time and be happy to help. can you talk to one or two of your friends and tell them you are so happy about your pg as it has been a long path to get there - that it is a dream come true and you would like to share your excitement with them. that you may need some help in the coming months and wld they like to learn a little with you together as friends do. you are not asking them to give up their lifestyles just grow and mature and learn with a friend who is heading in a new life experience direction.

    it sounds like you are thinking of new paths in your life, with meeting new people, getting involved in different groups etc. this can be confronting but it sounds pretty healthy for your situation. my friends met women at birthing classes and informally exchanged contact details as they didn't have many friends with babies or pg. once they had a bubba they met lots of lovely people (here in canberra) at mothers groups, swimming classes etc.

    i wish you a really H&H pg and hope things improve for you. if your family and friends can't embrace this wonderful new adventure with you, then it will be their loss really.

    xx dusty

  4. #4
    *ducky* Guest

    Default

    Hey Nikki & Dusty,

    You have both made my day! My week actually! How lovely to have two such supportive replies and so quickly. I have waited weeks at a time for a tiny word or support or encouragement from family members - I'm still waiting

    Nikki I'm sorry to hear that your SIL didn't return the kindness you showed her, it's so disappointing to constantly feel like you put yourself out for others and just sometimes it would be nice to feel a bit back! My sister fell pregnant unexpectantly a few months before me, and I was really supportive towards her and helping her out with questions and concerns, but since I told her I was pregnant, she now doesn't speak to me. I have a feeling she will contact me once her baby arrives and she finds it all too hard (in her mind her life is over now), but I think I might take some of your advice and be 'too busy'.

    Hey, congratulations also on your pregnancy! And baby makes three! That's fantastic! Oh, BTW, I am still managing to keep the sex of my baby a secret, even though I'm itching to know! And with the list of name we have, I think I need to have about 16 babies

    Dusty, thank you for your support and positivity! Unfortunately I don't know many people with children, but I'm trying harder to get to know the few that I have met recently. I had a little lapse of depression a few weeks ago and when I reached out to my single friends, I was so upset by their response or lack of it! Now that I'm feeling better and stronger, I do want to meet new people. I'm happy to hear that your friends met new people when they had a baby. How did they get involved in mothers groups, and where were the swimming classes?
    Dusty best of luck with your IVF this month! How is it going? Sending you as much baby vibes as I can

    It's sad, but I feel like I'm being forced to let other people go, and maybe that isn't such a bad thing! Although letting go of family is easier said than done. I just don't want my little baby to grow up with all the mind games and negativity that I had to deal with. They deserve the best life I can give them!

    Thank you!
    *ducky*

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    11,637

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    Congratulations on your pregnancy Ducky!
    I'm sorry you're not getting any support from your friends and family, but BB is a great place to find it. There are heaps of people here who are pg or have children and are always ready to offer support and advice.
    There are threads somewhere-or-other on here for meetups in local areas, so that might be a place to start for real-time interaction. Or like others here have suggested, mother's groups or ante-natal classes can be good places to meet people in similar situations to yourself.
    Good luck with your pregnacy and with building a new circle of friends,

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    ducky, i am so glad you are feeling a little more positive! that is what we do best here on BB
    i chatted to some friends here in canberra who are parents about what services are available.

    apparently when you have a baby they will give you a blue book and inside will be an invitation to a 1st time mothers forum. you ring them up, tell them where you live and they tell you when and where the next forum is on. from this your mother's group forms! yay!
    you also will book your baby check with them.

    there is also a helpline for 1st time mothers run by the Community Healthy - Child , Youth and Woman's Health Programme on 02 6207 9977 and a web site (look under ACT Health)with some links to parentslink with some information on that.

    my friends also said that if you choose to do ante natal classes that run over several weeks you will meet other couples and get to know them a bit better and that is how they made friends with other first time mums. one friend said if you go to the one day all in one antenatal course you wont have such a chance to meet others.

    hun, it is sad but it comes down to the fact that your family and friends have an opportunity to be a part of this new journey in your life but if they choose not to take it up you can still go forward and enjoy it with others that are more open to it. i wish for your sake that they see the opportunity (with your help) so you can have a supportive community that you know, but maybe this is a great way to have a fresh start too on your new adventure.

    tks for asking about my IVF, all systems go here and hoping for a good quantity of quality eggs this time around

    xx dusty

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