I definitely think honesty is something women need, but equally it needs to be balanced honesty (if i'd believed the "honest" horror birth tales i was told when i said i was having a homebirth were a true representation of how my birth would be i'd have had an epidural when the 2 lines appeared, a GA at 6months PG and not let them wake me up until DD was at LEAST 23!!!). I think places like BB have such value because women are talking and nothing is more valuable than knowledge.

I really DO think this society (UK, but also US and AUS) could learn so much from some of the rest of Europe and much of the rest of the world about how to treat mothers. Somehow parenting, rather than being the normal task of a woman or couple (and i DON'T believe infertility should mean this isn't a normal task, though i respect how abnormal the journey must feel), has become this extra-curricular activity which it's ok to do so long as it doesn't interefere with your personality, job, friendships, relationships or moods. It's ridiculous. I envy those Indonesian girls, looking forward to, embracing and celebrating what motherhood means, rather than longing for a false reality, facing a terrible crash and PRETENDING TO BE OK as we do so.

I have a friend in Germany, and last year she was at a wedding. The buffet was supposed to open at something like 3pm, but because of a million bits of the day (big traditional Old-German-Pagan(sort of) wedding) ran on it got to 6ish and my now starving breastfeeding friend ended up going and taking some food before the buffet was opened. A man commented nearby to those near him that it was nice some people were managing to wait for the buffet to open officially and my friend commented loudly back, to the general air around her, that a breastfeeding mother had to think beyond her manners AND her stomach. That man immediately apologised and was embarrassed. Can you imagine in our towns that our proclaimation of hunger due to breastfeeding would meet with such reverence!? In my city most wedding venues would have me BFing in a TOILET! Also in Germany the government provides home helps to pregnant women who need them - my friend had pre-term contractions which were painful but not (luckily) doing too much to her cervix. Her midwife ordered 2 hours rest every day and the government provided a weekly homehelp (who she found herself and gave their details to the local office to have them paid) to allow her to have it. I know another German woman who became incredibly stressed when her baby was injured, and after the baby's recovery was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She went to stay in a home SPECIFICALLY for "stressed mothers" to have a break before she had a total breakdown. In the UK no such services exist. It's only in the last 5 years women with peurpural psychosis in this city can actually have their babies with them in hospital! Once upon a time women were kept out of sight at home, taking care of families. Then they were welcomed into the public sphere, but who is at home? Don't talk about it. You got the equality you wanted, you DEAL with it. I know, off on a feminist rant, but it makes me angry. In my estimation it takes about 3 years for opportunity to become expectation. Our societies are so verbal about choices, but where are our choices? Birth choices we're not told about, work choices which aren't real (do you want to put your kids in childcare and work, or do you want to be a SAHM in a rented shoebox and live on spam?), lifestyle choices for which there is ALWAYS a price...

Everything in our society is about appearances. Biological functions? Ride a bike, run 10k, swim 3 miles, get pregnant, give birth, breastfeed and MAKE IT LOOK EASY. Careers? Get a degree, get a job, make it a career, balance your family with it and MAKE IT LOOK EASY. Inner peace? Be fit, be thin, look good, look successful, look in control and make it look easy... We don't live behind a facade, we ARE a facade!

I think perhaps only a new revolution of feminism, new feminism, feminism that demands TRUE choices for all women and TRUE support for those decisions. Feminism that unites. Because the media only divides us, relentlessly and imaginatively it injects contention into our every decision and thus we are controlled i suppose. I guess when there are no choices women are united by similarity. With a true range of choice for women to be able to do what they really want to with their lives, we need to be united in honesty, mutual respect and compassion.

Bx