Teagm - that is the toughest question to answer. The answer I give depends on the context and how I am feeling.

I have been really blunt previously, but that has been in response to a direct question " have you been off having a baby?" to which I replied " yes and she died" or later "yes and they died". The other day at the pathology lab, I was asked "is this your first pregnancy? And I responded , "the first that has gotten this far" only to be greeted with an awkward "oh". But other times, I just smile and say "yes", even though I feel like I am not honouring my angels when I do. For me it really depends on context and how I am feeling. Do I feel like explaining my history? Do I feel like having to manage that awkward silence when I do explain my history? Am I up to explaining my history? Does it matter to me if the person who asks knows my history? Is the person asking out of politeness or curiosity?

DH and I are attending a Baby PPP program and the other day the facilitators handed out birth notices cards that we can complete and send into to the facilitators so they can keep a track of things as there is a post partum component of the program. It's basically we just have to complete the blanks, but the wording is " are pleased to announce the birth of our firstborn child". I was really perturbed by the wording and actually am still uncomfortable with it. To be accepted into the course we didn't have to explain any past difficulties, just whether there had been any major issues with this pregnancy, so n one knows our history and we're not intending to share it.

It's just such an emotive question when you've had a loss, but for most people it's just an innocent question and a way of making conversation. So just remember that when they ask. For some reason it's acceptable to ask those sorts of questions in the broader community. Sometimes I actually think people are genuinely interested in your answer too, rather than just making conversation or having their chance to stand on a soap box and give advice.

I often feel like doing all of the things you describe... and also running away.... but those are the times I usually try to face my fear head on. I have this bizzare need not to let it overwhelm me. I think I am just to stubborn for my own good sometimes.

And by the way, for me it's not a downer and you don't need to apologise to me. If you are feeling sad then this of all places is the place you are free to let it out. Big hugs.

Hoping - oh sweetie - how sad. It's ironic, we had a cat that died suddenly in 2006 when we were away on holidays and after Amelia, it really helped me when DH would talk about our cat looking out for Amelia and then subsequently Nicholas and Sophie. In fact it still helps and now included little Sprite. Just like you. Odd the sort of things we can find comfort in isn't it? Send your poochie some nice angel pats for me.