I am just wondering how other people dealt with the question "Is this your first baby" when you get stuck talking to strangers. I work in Tourism in a customer service role and more often than not I get asked that question.
I do find it a bit awkward because I really don't like to lie - not even white ones. So I am always honest and say no. Then the following questions seem to follow -
Q - so what is the other one?
R - she was a little girl (hoping the WAS was a big enough give away)
Q - how old is she?
R - she would have been 1 this year
Q - so where is she? (usually followed with looks of did you give your baby up)
R - Heaven
Q - OMG I am so sorry
R - its ok she came too early and was just too little
Not only is it awkward for the person but I feel like ****e afterwards. A colleague suggested I just say that yes its my first but I absolutely cannot say this as I feel its disrespecting Nikita's memory and the significant role she plays in our lives.
Not that its anyone business and I rarely go into lengthy discussion about what happened but I was wondering how other people dealt with that question and how they avoided or changed the subject when it arose.
Hun, if it was me, i would be inclined say, "no its not my first, my first child is an angel baby and we miss her dearly.
Its straight to the point and should evade any further questions, and it also acknowledges Nikita.
(edt, i just read that back and my post sounds so blunt, sorry that was not my intention)
When i fell pregnant for the second time, with my first earth baby, i always said to people who asked that this was my first baby, but i have an angel baby as well.
and btw, im sp pleased that everything is going so well for you.
I aways say first baby but second pregnacy.. so then they catch the drift. But I lost my first bub @ 8 weeks so its a little different.
With freinds / familiy I will say no but with strangers I say yes first baby.. I just think its rude of them to ask in the first place!
I'm in a slightly different situation because mine was a pretty early loss, 12 weeks. If strangers ask I tell them this is baby #3 (and feel a bit awful about it later ) If a health professional asks I tell them this is my fourth prg, third baby.
There's never going to be an easy answer for that question babe, and for what it's worth, I think your response is perfect
For me, it used to depend on who was asking and what sort of frame of mind I was in when they asked. But if I did answer with an affirmative answer I usually went with the 'No it's my 2nd/3rd/4th pg'. People usually got the drift. I do like your answer too though. it's never going to be an easy question to answer.
yep, i do the 'this is my 2nd bub, but 3rd pregnancy' thing
Honestly... untill i had suffered a miscarriage myself.. i had no idea of the emotional pain of losing a bub, even in the early early days. i always thought of it as 'you're pregnant, then you're not...' kinda thing. but gosh has that line of thought changed!
i try not to be too upfront when discussing a miscarriage with someone who either A. hasnt got any kids, or B hasnt had a miscarriage themselves. as i feel it puts them in an awkward position.
perhaps if you're just making 'small talk' with someone, it migh be easier to say 'yep, first bub' but i guess if your actually having a conversation, you may be more inclined to go further into detail. sometimes i prefer not to mention losing my bub.. i dont always feel like discussing it.
The "Is this your first" question
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) If a health professional asks I tell them this is my fourth prg, third baby.
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