My DH and I haven't DTD since i got PG (3 months ago)!!! For a variety of reasons I guess - tired and a bit sick and SCARED of causing spotting or bleeding! My sense of smell and DH's eating habits don't help put me in the mood either I have promised DH that the second semester will see a resumtion of "relations" so he's counting down! Thats officially Thursday - so guess my time is up! I am lucky tho that he hasn't put any pressure on me at all.
I can't tell you how relieved I am to have come across this thread and know that it's not just me. Since I got pregnant I have next to no interest in sex (except for the occasional saucy dream, but I can't convert that to my waking hours ).
I've had sciatica from very early on, which has been a real physical deterrent, but even when it isn't acting up I have very little desire. My poor DH is so understanding, but I can't help but feel guilty... I try and make the effort once a week or so and if I really can't I will try and help in out with my hand. But, when we do DTD I find that it is quite uncomfortable initially and just doesn't feel the way it used to. Don't get me wrong I still end up coming and stuff, but it is just not the same... I really hope this changes after the baby comes
Krisp- Just wanted to let you know you are NOT alone i could have written yours post back in October. My marriage got so bad because of the same issues that DH even went as far as to tell me he didnt think he loved me anymore as i all i ever gave him was rejection. He felt like i treated him like a brother not a husband etc and all we had in common were the children etc. TBH i dont know how to fix these issues but since our big blow up/s I know i have been trying as has he. I told him things that would make me "want" to do it more such as more help around the house, more "me" time for going to the gym, having my hair done, more help around the house etc etc. Although i didnt feel like i had a problem i was just not interested iykwim looking back i think i just need some attention in a different way if that makes sense. Even if the attention was from my self i needed to take some time out to figure out who I was again. We have children virtually the same ages so i know how demanding it can be and its so hard to lose yourself amongst all the mothering and housekeeping. For me i still i have a low sex drive BUT by taking time to put me first every now and then and having DH helping me with day to day things i can certainly say things are on the up. One of my biggest probs b4 was that i felt DH only wanted me for sex sounds silly but like you say every cuddle, kiss or anything remotely close to intimate caused for his hands to wander and me to reject when realisticly i wanted the cuddle the kiss etc just not the expectation that sex must follow.
SOrry if i have rambled a bit but feel free to PM me if you want some one to chat with. It sounds like we have a bit in common
Hoody
I'm not that far long too, and i just haven't wanted anything to do with sex since day 1.
I don't have kids to take care of, i don't work, i stay at home all day and just keep the house clean and do my own thing. But i still just don't want anything to do with it.
Dp hasn't really shown an interest in it either.
So i guess in a way i'm lucky, i don't have a partner nagging me for sex.
But yeah, don't want it now or anytime soon
I have the reverse problem. I am interested, but he isnt. Its EXTREMELY tough. When I am pg, I get HG so I am sick, exhausted and he tends to think that makes me fragile too.
When I am not pg - I am annoyingly fertile and could end up UTD making me sick, exhausted and extremely fragile. I can't take the pill because it makes me sick too. So his solution - just don't do it. Trust me to go and get UTD easy and prove him right. Ugh.
Thankfully for DH, I am more about the intimacy than the act. We havent dont it since the time we did it that got me pg, so thats saying something. First tri I was indifferent, now I am more keen, but getting stonewalled. I do try not to push because I know that he is worried for me and that doesnt help him get in the mood at all - but its very sweet and i cant help but appreciate it.
What helps though is those little things he does that show his love. Cuddles for no reason. Gifts of food every time he shops. Stroking my hair in bed. Not sure if it will help you guys, but here is hoping.
Normally ? I have a very very high sex drive and DP doesn?t want it nearly as much as me. He is more than happy with once or twice a week But since being pregnant it is like role reversal! I cant think of anything worse! And he is like a sex starved maniac! He loves the way that my body has changed (and that he did it! Lol) and it turns him on! Which is great for my confidence on my days when I feel like a blob, which is about every second one at the moment!
My Advice is just talk about it. We are very open and have talked about it quite a great deal. He knows where I am coming from and I know where he is coming from. It doesn?t really help the situation but it makes it much easier to deal with because there is no animosity between us about it. DP knows that I will instigate it when I am ready, and we are still intimate ? just not sexually. We still cuddle all the time and he rubs moisturizer on my belly every night so we still have that contact. He has even got quite inventive about doing things to relax me and hopefully get me in the mood! Some nights while I am showering he will light a dozen candels in our room and we lay in bed cuddling listening to a CD, or he will surprise me with a full body massage ? no strings attached. Yet sometimes these are just the things I need to make me interested! It?s a bit hit and miss but he gets it and luckily doesn?t push.
My biggest issue is I think ? I have very low blood pressure, and it makes me really tired along with shocking headaches, in addition to almost constant thrush.
But I am praying like mad that it comes back with the baby and everything goes back to normal ? except of course DP?s new obsession with sex!
I wasn't convinced but went along with it, and it was quite nice.
It is VERY diffcult to DTD when there is someone sitting on your bladder though. So, I can understand why people go off it. You don't feel so "turned on" when there's three people involved - erm....... one of those being a baby on your bladder. I had to say that just in case people started to scew what I was trying to imply.
after reading everyones posts I just want to cry. It's not fair. I am the COMPLETE opposite. My Fiance has completely lost interest in having sex with me. We used to have one of the best sex lives I could ever ask for. We used to have sex almost every day. Than when I became pregnant I started to notice a change that happened gradually. In the beginning of my pregnancy our sex life only changed a little bit and when I asked if it was because I was pregnant he just said he was tired. As I progressed through my pregnancy more and more he was "tired". I have even walked in on him masterbatng (embarrasing) or looking at porn on our computer. Keep in mind my fiance is not a pervert at all. And he knows my take on porn is vulgar and demeaning to women. I have even confronted him and told him I feel really insecure now because of this. I have even put on some lingerie. He has never had the guts to say to me it is because I am pregnant. He just says he is not in the mood. It is causing so many problems between us. It hurts to know he would rather look at porn than make love to me. I feel unattractive and a little unloved.
Jessica - I really feel for you, I think you need to talk to him a bit more about this and make sure he really understands how this is making you feel. My DH was a bit scared about hurting Peanut and didn't want to do anything for quiet awhile, now he can't keep his hands off me and thinks I am the sexiest i have ever been, pitty I am totaly not interested Maybe he is just worried about doing somthing to hurt you or the baby, I hope you can have a good chat so you don't feel down about it
I am so sorry that your feeling like that hun, and having such a hard time with it.. I am not in any way condoning what your DP is doing - but maybe look at it from another angle. Is it possible that his lack of interest in sex ha nothing to with you at all. Maybe he is funny about DTD because of bubs?? I know that more than once my DP has commented that he feels wrong doing it because of the baby - scared he is going to poke it type thing (total irrational - i dont think there is a penis out there big enough to actually do that! ) Kind of like that part from Knocked up where he freaks out when they are having sex because the baby moves. Just another angle to look at it from - if thats what it is you should be able to talk him through it and get things on track.. Have you spoken about your lack of sex openly with him and told him what your feeling?? Good luck hun - let us know how you go xxxx
See thats just it. If he honestly told me that the reason he doesn't want to have sex is because he doesn't want to hurt the baby I would be so much more understanding. It just hurts though because part of me thinks it is my body not baby. I think my pregnant body grosses him out... a lot. I am a very little person with a small frame and so my belly is very noticeable. I think what is also harder is the fact that my fiance and I didn't know each other very long before we got pregnant. So i think we didn't get to achieve that level of comfort some couples have with each other when they have been together for 2 plus years. I just get so depressed over this. We both planned this pregnancy but ever since it all we do is fight. I know some people say just wait until the baby is born, guys mature faster once they are officially daddies. Yet, I am a realist and I know you cant change people, so how can a baby change this. I just miss feeling sexy to him.....
I have totally gone off sex.
Mine started when we started TTC - I think the pressure to concieve just took the enjoyment out of it..
Then I got pregnant, lost the baby at 9 weeks and had to have a D&C - Not the most romantic thing to go through!
6 weeks later I found out I was pregnant again... Can we say emotional rollarcoaster???
Since then I have suffered sever morning sickness, extreme tiredness, several instances of spotting and cramping where it was a concern we were losing another baby.
Regardless to say, sex has been the last thing on my mind!!!
However, DP finds all the changes to my body very sexy and his sex drive has gone up...
This is all rather depressing for me considering prior to TTC, my sex drive rivaled that of a 18yr old boy!!!
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But since being pregnant it is like role reversal! I cant think of anything worse! And he is like a sex starved maniac! He loves the way that my body has changed (and that he did it! Lol) and it turns him on! Which is great for my confidence on my days when I feel like a blob, which is about every second one at the moment!
Maybe he is just worried about doing somthing to hurt you or the baby, I hope you can have a good chat so you don't feel down about it
) Kind of like that part from Knocked up where he freaks out when they are having sex because the baby moves. Just another angle to look at it from - if thats what it is you should be able to talk him through it and get things on track.. Have you spoken about your lack of sex openly with him and told him what your feeling?? Good luck hun - let us know how you go xxxx
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