Should i find out the gender?

**PinkPalace** · May 7th, 2008, 12:10 PM

Pros and cons....

We are 16 weeks... will have our scan soon.

I think i want to know if it is a boy or girl but DH definately doesnt....

Should i drop it or persue to convince him....

what are some pros and cons of finding out.

THis is our 2nd child - we left DD's gender as a surprise!

**Lulu** · May 7th, 2008, 12:18 PM

It's such a personal decision, but I don't think you should push DH.

I have never found out, and TBH I hate it when people tell me what they are having!
I just think it takes all the fun out of it, I'm not to fussed about "being prepared" or buying clothes beforehand.
One other reason, is one GF telling me she had such a hard labour and when it was all over - they all screamed IT'S A BOY, and she knew so she didn't even care.

Really, it's totally up to you....

**visitor1** · May 7th, 2008, 12:20 PM

For me i had to know #2'S Gender because i needed to prepare myself for another girl....so we did and im forever greatful. Downside was knowing i had another girl on the way and found it hard to deal with, but also good cos i was prepared for 20 weeks and could start accepting it. (I really wanted a boy).

#1 is always best left a surprise!

Also....do u prefer a boy or girl this time round? If you want a particular sex i think it helps to find out.

I too wouldnt push your DH....

**2girlz** · May 7th, 2008, 12:20 PM

Hello, It's such a hard choice I found out with both so I could go shopping it's so hard to go clothes and nursery shopping when you don't know also I could call my girls by the name I had chose for them

the down side would be no real big "congrats it's a ....." when bubs is born
goodluck with your Decision

**Indadhanu** · May 7th, 2008, 12:24 PM

For me the worst thing is even after they tell you the sex you still wonder if they got it wrong!

I decided that whatever my DP wanted we would do, because I felt like it was a decision she could make as during the pregnancy it tends to be all about the pregnant mummy. She did want to find out the sex so we did, I didn't have a real desire to know but I wasn't completely against it.
We did it mainly for planning, I don't really know if there's any other pro's. The only con would be that its not a surprise at the birth but really I don't think the moment is going to be spoiled if we know beforehand, we'll still be meeting our little baby for the first time.

I'm no help lol.

**MantaRay** · May 7th, 2008, 12:24 PM

I don't think one of you can know without the other.

It is such a personal decision. For me, no way did I want to know. I love the surprise at the end. DH wasn't sure if he wanted to know the first time and did want to know the second time, but went along with what I wanted so we didn't find out either time. The first time I had a feeling all along it was a boy, so it wasn't a huge surprise. Second time I had no clue and it was a wonderful surprise to hear "it's got boy bits" LOL!

**Laranna** · May 7th, 2008, 12:26 PM

I think it's best left as a surprise especially for number #1. I don't know what I'm having and I'm really looking forward to DP saying "It's a BOY!" or "It's a GIRL!"

I didn't find it hard to decorate the nursery, it's all neutral with a Winnie the Pooh theme which can go for either a boy or a girl. I haven't worried about too many clothes yet as I know family and friends will buy once baby is born.

I like the element of surprise. And it keeps everyone guessing as well and it's fun to hear what people think based on those old wives tales about how you're carrying, what your eating, etc. Adds a bit of fun to the pregnancy.

However, if you are dead set on having a boy or having a girl, then I would find out as it would give yourself time to adjust to the news if it wasn't what you had hoped.

**Olive** · May 7th, 2008, 12:26 PM

there are so few surprises in life especially as adults, we didnt find out and wont for our next e loved the surprise! but its your choice!

**catherinemoses** · May 7th, 2008, 12:28 PM

Personally I wouldn't find out. I'd be too worried that they got it wrong! There's always that tiny chance that it could misread the scan and then there would be a lot of stress when it is not what you thought it would be!
Also I wouldn't be pushing my DH on something like this. It was my DH's job to tell me what it was. It is the one true surprise I reckon

And a great reward after all the discomfort and pain!

**Celsie** · May 7th, 2008, 12:29 PM

I wanted to find out, DH didn't. We didn't find out in the end and the surpise was SO fantasic. There's NO WAY I'll find out with any future pregnancies. The buzz of excitement, finding out for ourselves when he was born was so wonderful.

**nic** · May 7th, 2008, 12:34 PM

With our DD, DH wanted to know and I didn't. We never asked, as we were running late, as was the scan place, so our scan was done and over in less than 10 minutes with no time to even think about asking. I'm glad it happened that way, I needed that surprise at the end.

With this one, we decided to find out. Not because we wanted to plan or wanted to know ahead, but mainly because of my MIL, who told everyone we were doing IVF when we asked her not to, and then went on to tell everyone about our pregnancy when she was asked yet again to keep quiet. Both DH and I felt robbed of what was ours, we didn't feel like it was our pregnancy or our news, we both felt like MIL had control and we had none, and so we decided to find out so we felt like we had something that was just ours and no one elses (apart from everyone on BB) People ask us if we know, and we just tell them we don't know. If my MIL hadn't been trout mouthing everywhere, we probably wouldn't found out. We haven't even told the IL's our date for our c/s yet!

Nic

**PinkPalace** · May 7th, 2008, 12:34 PM

Thanks girls.

Kimbaz - We dont mind either way if it is a boy or girl. We are so happy to be pregnant again and are happy to have either.

I understand the surprise part. We went through the whole preg with DD #1 thinking she was a boy (intutition) lol and was def surprised it was a girl! It was lovely.

I think my wanting to know is - we are finally moving into our own house in 2 weeks. And after being in rentals i want to decorate/paint and do artwork for the walls. I guess if it was a girl i would do similar artwork but a boy i would do other colours if that makes sense.

If we found out we would keep it to ourselves and not tell others that we know. It isnt to buy stuff and all our newborn stuff from DD was unisex anyhow (will be recycling as we dont have the money to buy new things)

Also we cannot think of names and i figured it would be easier to concentrate on only 1 gender of names lol.

OOOOhhh hard one. And i would definately not pressure DH or findout without his knowledge.

I do think though whether you know or not - the birth of your baby is special regardless!

**The[cookie]Doctor** · May 7th, 2008, 12:38 PM

I think Kim highlighted a good point - if you're really hoping for one or the other, you may be better to be prepared - and if that is the case whilst i don't say 'push your DH' try and explain to him all the things that may occur if it's not the gender you wanted at birth - difficulty bonding, pathway to PND etc.

Otherwise, if you're not too fussed, I think leave it a surprise, gives you something to be excited about when you're going through labour all over again.

ETA: you beat me to it when you posted!

**visitor1** · May 7th, 2008, 12:58 PM

In that case id def not find out!!!! Thats would be a great surprise

Yep Ash thats exactly why i found out...Having PND already i didnt want to get to the end and find out its a girl and then go further down the drain. So i think it was in my best interest to find out, and will do for all future pregnancies....for my sanity LOL

**didispunk** · May 7th, 2008, 01:10 PM

I agree with a few others..

What other suprises do you have in life that you just cannot peak at?

I never found out with DS and i woulndt wiht any other pregnancies..

You can always shop after the baby is born .. good reason to get out of the house.

leave it a suprise... its so worth it!!!!

**Arimeh** · May 7th, 2008, 01:27 PM

I struggled with this question for AGES this time around... I found out with DS, because I knew that I couldn't wait till birth to know.
This time around, I finally made the decision to find out - we asked at the scan - nothing conclusive because bubs was being unco-operative.
So sometimes even when you want to know.. you can't !!!!! I did really want to know, not for clothes or anything like that, but because I would like this one to be a girl, but have made my peace with not knowing, and since we are having a third child anyway, doesn't really matter if this one is a boy.
Although - it would be helpful to know as I can only find girls names that I like and am struggling on finding boys names!!!!

Good luck in whatever you decide..

**PinkPalace** · May 7th, 2008, 01:35 PM

Thanks Gudism

Yeah it is a hard one isnt it.

At this point in time i only want 2 children. And if it be a girl and a boy fine that would be great. If it was 2 girls, that would be beautiful too.

Mmm have about 2 weeks to think about it....

We didnt even ask what gender dd was when she was born... lol i was just so excited she looked like me (dh and i are complete opposites in looks due to ethnicity's) lol so it was a little competition who's genes would win out!