Deb - I wish you were closer to be with me for my birth
Puppies - remember it is pain with a purpose. I loved my labour with my son. My first birth was a nasty induction for a stillbirth but my second child brought me an understanding of the power of the female body. Yes - I ended up with an emergency c-section BUT I laboured drug free to 7cm. And it was wonderful. I am hoping to complete the process this time.
The surges come in short waves and you can visualise them as a wave where you reach the peak and they taper off with you sliding down the other side. They start slowly and get stronger and closer together but it is manageable sensations. It is like you are being introduced to them slowly so that after each one you can go "that was ok - I can manage that" before being given the next one.
Imagine your cervix opening like a flower and your uterus contracting effectively to move your little person down and out of your soft and flexible vagina that expands to receive and deliver your child.
Your head is your most important tool in labour. Practice imagery that assists to to see a successful birthing - whatever that is for you. By being able to see it as a positive experience you decrease the stress hormones that are released when you have fear and prevent a slowing of labour.
Thank you for being brave enough to verbalise what many feel in the lead up to birth. I hope the posts from some very wise women can help you
one of the best things a friend told me when i was about to have DD was to relish just how primal the whole experience is. our bodies are just AMAZING things and the beauty that comes with knowing that our babies are helping us during the birth is something that i kept focussing on (i kept telling myself that she was helping me and that she was going through the same thing...sometimes you can *forget* you are having a baby...in the sense that when contractions get on top of each other you can lose focus... so this was a nice way to connect to bubs throughout the process).
JIC you're wondering my friend said: 'Clare, it's just so [expletive] primal, it's amazing!' i just kept remembering her words.
I know it's hard to imagine, but you will get through it. And on the other side it is just one day in your new life with your baby, a very special one of course. Before you know it, it will seem like it was in another lifetime.
With all of our technology it is still a completely primal experience as Cassius says.
Birth is a rite of passage as old as human life, and one that every mother has survived.
Michelle - I wish I could be there too - if it was doable I would come in a heartbeat. Maybe it is?
Has anyone read the book "the journey" Brandon Bays???
She talks about (very simplistically) going into the pain, fear, sorrow - but for the purposes of this the fear. This is not a book on birth but on being truly present to our emotions. I think that is really relatable to birthing.
Resist the opportunity to run from it when our mind takes us there - sometimes we go: "I am really really scared"... We walk to the edge of the water - we dip in our toes (metaphorically) and we say "nah I am not going there". What would it feel like if we dipped in our toes - then waded in and then immersed ourselves completely - I call that surrender. Just allow it to be as it is - it might be scary and nasty and ugly - but as human beings it can be tempting to always live as if by only dipping in our toes.
As a woman we have the opportunity to jump into that water. It happens around 9cms - doctors call it transition - I call it the "calling". As a woman those wise Women in the corner of the room call you - they call your body - they call your baby. As a Woman in our heads we have to make the decision to jump into the water - no toe dipping is gonna get this baby born sister! You have to jump - when your perineum burns and you want to mouth "NO"! You are challenged to push - even though it is going to hurt like nothing you have ever experienced. You can choose to mouth YES! When you say Yes! in your heart, in your head and you push into that pain (or jump into that water) the result is absolute pure joy and ecstacy. I promise you that!
So it is with life - thru the most unthinkable pains and sorrows there is always always something golden.
Birth teaches us much of what life is like (I believe) and as Women - this is a gift that we really need to receive...
It is raw energy - it is primal and it is millenia old. The room is always full when a woman births. There is always a wise Woman calling you - you just need to listen!
I'll add my thoughts to the list here, Puppies.
I can remember that feeling pretty well from my first baby. I had visions of myself tearing nearly in half and never being the same again, fear of the unknown, fear of the pain, etc. I was a tense and nervous wreck! Thankfully my baby didn't make me wait too long, 'cause along with the dread, I also wanted to just get it done and over with!
And, as the other ladies have said, YOU CAN DO IT! I did it. It hurt, for sure. But it was not an unfamiliar pain, or a frightening pain. I could feel that it was a working pain - overwhelming at times, and as Flowerchild has said, those are the times when you've got to give in and work with it - focus and let it go.
Learn as much as you can about what your body is going to be doing in labour. Make sure someone is going to be there who can really support you - your DH might not be up to the task, simply because he doesn't know how. If he'll educate himself, then great, otherwise, look at getting a doula, or having an experienced friend with you.
I personally would highly recommend using water in labour - it provides great pain relief and relaxation. Maybe you can see what is available where you plan to give birth - a birth tub would be great, but even a shower helps!
If it's any comfort to you, my first birth went quite well - I woke up in labour at 7:00 or so, got to the hospital at 9:30, and baby was born at 1:30 that afternoon. I had some pain relief at 7-8 cm (I don't think they knew how far I was then - they shouldn't have given it to me, 'cause I was in transition, and baby was born about 1 hour later.) No tearing.
Yes, it hurt, but you were made for it, and you can do it! I had no fear of labour anymore after that birth.
My second birth was equally good. Very much the same story, just two years later.
My third was a planned homebirth, and it was the best so far, I think. Spent all day in light labour, walking around town with my DH, snuggled up on the couch watching movies, relaxing in the bath.... Then when things picked up around supper time, I remained in the bath, and after about an hour and a half, began to push, and about 5-10 minutes later baby was here. Again, no tearing, and this time no drugs.
As far as fear for your baby goes - they'll be keeping a careful eye on both of you. The midwives will check your baby's heart rate periodically throughout your labour, and make sure that he's doing fine. And if things would go wrong, we live in a day and age when they can quickly and safely get that baby out surgically. You can prepare yourself for that possibility, too, but don't dwell on that - the vast majority of births do not require surigcal intervention!
Thank you so much ladies. I am beginning to really feel much better already. I can do this! I think that your right, I need to speak positive and think positive thoughts. I guess its all part of the processes. I am so looking forward to meeting our little gift from God! I am a christian woman and I know I have lost focus on the most important thing and I need to regain focus and trust that God would never have given me the gift of conception and the gift of a easy and lovely pregnancy if he didn't think I could finish the race.
YEP I AM UP FOR THIS AND BETTER STILL I AM GOING TO DO IT WELL AND EVEN IMPRESS MYSELF WITH HOW WELL I DO... Yeah now I am getting excited, woohooo!
My first birth was 11 hours. What took my by surprise is that I thought I would be resisting the temptation for drugs - but it never occurred to me to want them. I was so amazed at how my body knew what to do, how all the hormones helped me focus and birth my baby.
I learned beforehand that contractions felt like waves, and that knowledge helped me feel that I knew what was happening.
Knowing that the pain of transition means I'm almost there is a great encouragement.
So is reaching up and feeling the head. It's exciting.
As others have said, labour is productive pain, it is achieving a result, and every contraction brings you closer to your baby. And your body eases you into it.
Before my first, I tried not to overthink. I was going to birth a baby, I couldn't avoid it, so I would learn to make it a good experience. My body would deal with it when it happened. If something did go wrong (nothing did), there was no point worrying about possibilities beforehand.
After my first, do you know what I said? 'I could do that again'. It was the best feeling afterward, to have had a baby, to gently hold this amazing miracle on my chest and touch his little fingers and nose. I'm smiling just remembering. It is all worth it.
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I did it. It hurt, for sure. But it was not an unfamiliar pain, or a frightening pain. I could feel that it was a working pain - overwhelming at times, and as Flowerchild has said, those are the times when you've got to give in and work with it - focus and let it go. 
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