Registered User
Before I got pregnant I always thought I would want to have a million people in there as it is a beautiful thing. Then I got pregnant, and as I near closer I think 2 will be enough. Probably my mom and DF. It is just more of a special thing now and I want only the select few to share in those first few beautiful moments when she is born. Plus the fact my vagina will be on display is another reason to reconsider.
Registered User
At my Hospital only 2 people are allowed.
i had my mum, dad and dp with me. mum & dp holding one hand each, and dad standing sorta behind mum, but back a bit. he was on stand by with the camera & video camera!
there was also 2 midwives, and my OB and a training OB.. so it was pretty crowded!
BellyBelly Member
Bloomin Roses - I think you need to think about what you want and what your DF wants for when you are in labour and when you give birth. Lots of people want lots of things when there are babies involved, but it becomes a bit of an art to work out what you think and DF thinks is best for you and your baby.
People should be invited to attend the l & b not invite themselves. It is fine if you want to have them there - it's your birth, you should do what you feel comfortable with - but you have the opportunity to express that to them, not the other way around.
Also remember that how you feel now maybe very different to how you will feel when you are in labour. Maybe have a chat to the people you want to invite to be there and tell them that you are going to play it by ear on the day and if you change your mind, it is nothing personal.
In the Townsville Hospital (public) I was only allowed 2 support people and no children (just in case anyone was interested
I hope it all works out the way you want it to
Registered User
This is excellent advice and exactly what I'm going to do!
I always feel kind of stuck because I feel one part of me should be extremely grateful (which I completely am) that for a girl who has no living immediate family and is on the other side of the Earth from her extended family and childhood friends, I have this whole other family, plus friends, who care enough to want to share in this with me. However this always makes it difficult for me to say things that I know are going to be perceived as hurtful to some and I end up just going with the flow at times for fear of rocking the boat.
But since I seem to have absolutely no problem asserting myself in either my relationship with DF or my professional life, I'm at a loss as to why I have such trouble now. It boggles my mind to tell you the truth.
I'm going to follow this advice - and I think if anyone gets offended by this, well then there's really nothing else I can do. Four people is quite a lot - and although Snowy Love's comment about their motives for looking at my vagina was tongue in cheek, I'm going to use it should anyone arc up once I tell them I'm going to play it by ear.
Thank you so much everyone! I'm still amazed that the answers varied so much from 2 people allowed to however many you desire. I wonder if that's a public vs a private thing or based solely on the hospital's preference? (If that's a stupid question, please forgive me as I honestly don't have a frickin clue!!!)
S xo
Registered User
At my hospital we're only allowed two in the delivery suite. at this point in time I'm only having DH, but I'm seriously thinking of asking my Mum to come with me. I think she could be a bit of a calming influence for DH if he freaks out about how much pain I'm in. Anyway's the hossy also has a policy about family waiting round till the birth. They are not allowed to hang round, but have to wait till visiting hours to come and see Peanut. This is killing my parents as they really want to be there to meet their first grandchild as soon as they can. but unfortunately not much I can do about the whole hospital policy.
BellyBelly Member
Oh and something else I just thought of
Sometimes I have clients who are agonising over this same issue and wondering who to have with them - my advice is to ask themselves if they would be OK with this person walking in on them having sex.
If the answer is no, then don't bring them into the birth space.
Who ever is in the birth with you is going to see you in a very vulnerable position, making lots of noise, probably naked, with fluids leaking, and the state of your vagina and cervix being a frequent topic of public discussion and speculation. (It sounds crass but unfortunately that's the reality of hospital birth). You have to be comfortable with that and their feelings don't really come into it
BellyBelly Member
Townsville Hospital is the same with family not being allowed to wait around. Birth suite has a tiny waiting room and it is meant to be a place that support people can go to heat up food for themselves, get ice or just have a bit of time out so they don't want people in there waiting.
As frustrating as it is for people not to be allowed to wait, labour can be quite long so they will probably more comfortable waiting for a call from home. It also gives you and your DH some time alone with your baby, and you the opportunity to have a shower before you have visitors.
Townsville Hospital did allow some visitors up in birth suite after the birth when the mum is ready for them. Tara, if you parents don't want to wait till visiting hours, and you are happy to have them up for a visit, they may be allowed up to birth suite to see the baby after everything is over. Might be worth asking the hospital about it.
Registered User
People can "need" to be there all they like... but it isn't about them, it's about you and your partner and your baby.
Childbearing and birth and parenting often bring issues like this to the surface - how you set boundaries, how you allow people to dictate to you. You say this is an ongoing problem for you and they sound like wonderful people who smother you a little bit - I think it might be worth getting some counseling from someone who can help you work through why you find it so hard to say no to people who love you. You deserve to be able to do that at these important times in your life - and if you don't start now, trust me, it will only get worse.
My sister said something to me the other week that really resonated with me: "We teach people how to treat us". That is so true. But it's quite freeing, because once we accept that, we accept that we have a choice to teach them something different!
On a more practical level, I had my sister and my daughter at my 5th delivery, and while it was wonderful for me, my dh felt a bit marginalised. The hospital made the decision for us in that there were limits put on how many were allowed in, and dh was happy and that made me happy. In the end, the room was too small for anyone else anyway. I'd have felt crowded had there been anyone else in there, particularly at the delivery when there were two obstetricians, a student, two midwives, dh and me in there!
I wouldn't be beyond giving the odd little white lie and telling rellies and friends that "the hospital's policy says only this many".
BellyBelly Member
30 people! Good grief it's a birth, not a footy match!
I've worked in quite a few birth suites around the place and for the most part the maximum number allowed in addition to the mother is 2, or sometimes 3.
Any more than that, and it starts to get cramped. There is really no benefit to you either having more than 2 or three people and it is all about *you* and your needs. This is an intensely private and intimate experience, not a spectator sport.
You should only allow the people who you really want to be there - allowing anyone else will make you uncomfortable and that can seriously hinder your labour. YOu don't need to give them an excuse, it's too important. Just tell them no thanks.
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