Not all OBs are terrible

[PumpkinZulu]

It's good you've found an OB you feel cared for by and connect with. Everybody is different. Personally, I wouldn't be happy with being told if I present at hospital again I won't be leaving and my waters will be broken, BUT you are totally over it and in a completely different situation, and it seems like your OB gets that and is willing to do what needs to be done to keep your mental well being on track, which is just as important as physical IMO. At the end of the day we have to feel comfortable with and trust our caregivers, and if that's how you feel then you're already winning!

[BellyBelly]

There are definitely good ones out there. And thank goodness we have them, we really need their expertise some of the time. However there are many people having bad experiences, and like any profession it creates feelings about things. How do you feel about politicians? Salesmen? Telstra?! Hearing problems over and over again, bad service, bad products... all produces bad feedback and a general/common feeling about it. Would you trust an Ob who works in a hospital where they do 80% c/s? Or would you worry that you'd end up with one too? Hopefully you've done your homework, picked a good one (not just who your neighbour thinks is good - someone aligned with what you want and actually listens) and checked out their intervention rates, but not many people do this.

These people are venting disappointment over what they felt would be a very memorable moment of their life, for good reason... but with c/s rates like we have, with Obs not following evidence based care, there are going to be unhappy people. All you can do is keep telling the good stories of the good Obs and people will go to them. No point to get upset or angry about people who have had a different experience than you - they are hurting and some have trauma too. As you would know, keeping those feelings down just blows up eventually. And without people kicking up a fuss, nothing changes.

[LuluHB]

Such a pity something positive can't be said about OBs - really in this case one particular OB - without the negative getting thrown in! You are absolutely entitled to your view Kelly, but I really don't think this thread was the place for it. People are allowed to vent their disappointments about their OBs, and I would never go into one of those threads and lecture them on how they maybe should have researched their OB more, or how they shouldn't vent because there are good OBs out there, so please don't now tell me that I should never feel the need to say something positive because others have legitimate reasons to be negative.

FWIW, my OB does work in one of the highest rated CS hospitals in Perth. And yep, I trust him notwithstanding that fact. Nope, I have absolutely no concerns that I'll end up with a CS unless something goes terribly wrong, in which case I'll be even more relieved that I have my incredibly qualified, professional, understanding OB on hand.

PZ - his comment about me not going home again stems from what happened last week, when I stayed for hours and then went home - at his direction. We have discussed my feelings on induction v. natural - having had both he knows that spontaneous is my first preference by a long way - but knows I have lots of other concerns about waiting ITMS.

[BellyBelly]

I wasn't saying you can't be positive, I am saying keep posting about the positive Obs, then they will get more attention, more business and maybe the not so nice/supportive Obs will start to notice.

All you can do is keep telling the good stories of the good Obs and people will go to them.

I'm only allowed an opinion in certain discussions? Really?

ETA: There is a forum especially for venting if you want to start a discussion to vent about people venting You can add a prefix so people know you're venting and you just want to say what you want to say without a discussion as to why this may be. But forums are exactly that - topics for discussion. If you just want people coming in here agreeing with you, then you'll have a thread bashing ob-bashers. Seems counter-productive, but like I said, its the general forums where people wont always agree with each other (even though I think I was agreeing with you that there are good Obs out there. I love some of them!). When I post, I don't expect people to agree with me, that's how I learn - from what other people think, feel and believe. I have spent the last 9 years on here hearing people vent about all sorts of things, its a good opportunity to learn about them and myself.

[nothing2lose]

I agree that OBs generally get a bad rap because of the actions of a portion of them. What that portion is, is open to interpretation. I can only go by my own experience, which was overwhelmingly positive.

I think it's wrong to generalise about any group due to the actions of a few. I wouldn't do it for a race, so why should I do it for a profession (with a few exceptions)???

I also get concerned by the 'us and them' mentality that exists in some quarters towards OBs. Surely to have a good experience with any medical professional, it is better to come at it from a position of partnership and common purpose, rather than combative suspicion.

[LuluHB]

I'm only allowed an opinion in certain discussions? Really?

I think its a common courtesy to actually keep our opinions to ourselves at times, depending on the thread. I type a heap of posts that I never actually submit - I'll read a post and maybe have a differing view so type out my response. Then I'll re-read it and think, you know what? She's entitled to her view and while I disagree, this isn't the place to debate it. So the good old cancel button gets pressed and on I move to something else.

You say that the good OBs should have more said about them, so that maybe they'll get more business and the bad ones will pull their socks up. That's all I've done here, but if a simple thread about how reassuring my appt was gets turned into another attack on OBs in general not much progress will be made.

[LuluHB]

Ok. My "Like" button has disappeared. Am I being punished?

ETA: Apparently not - just impatient.

[nothing2lose]

Ok. My "Like" button has disappeared. Am I being punished?

ETA: Apparently not - just impatient.

At 39 weeks and four days, we will forgive you your impatience

[BellyBelly]

I've not attacked Obs, just stated some facts and reasons as to why these people [the "bashers"] might feel and act the way they do, if anyone is interested in delving deeper than deciding to be annoyed and think all people who don't like Obs are nasty, horrid people. Easier to make peace with it when you understand people and why they do and say the things they do. They are upset/angry - thats their story/journey to sort out. So what makes you upset/angry about it? Why does it irritate you, really, how does it affect you? You have an Ob who you think is awesome, which is wonderful, I am so happy you'll have a great, trusting journey with him... I wish everyone could. But its just not reality, which is why we have enough complaints going around for you to notice - and no other means for these women to debrief in but places like this online community. We can only ever make it better by saying YAY to the great Obs. Unfortunately because so many Obs tried to sue me for members comments on their experiences with me, we no longer have a recommend an Ob forum.

Society creates an 'us and them' mentality, its a widespread thing people do, hard to shift. I never support Ob bashing or would allow it to go on here, but I support being real and having facts - and being understanding and loving to people and their views, even when they're not being so loving. Because s the saying goes... everyone is fighting some kind of battle.

[nothing2lose]

Kelly, I think what is upsetting people are the generalisations about OBs. The idea that ALL obstetricians are somehow bad.

It's an irrational argument. Even a woman that has suffered during her birthing experience due to the actions of one, maybe two OBs cannot, based on her experiences, say ALL OBs are bad.

[BellyBelly]

LOL PacRak I could get started about Telstra, I have very poor mobile service here in the country, I am in a Telstra blackspot which they are investigating

If the title would have been worded differently I may not have posted, for example, I have a great Ob, or I love my Ob. But since it was 'Not all obs are terrible' its implying an issue of an ob bashing mentality. The whole BB is an anti-ob, anti-formula site mentality exists with some, and I am trying to convey the message that we do very much appreciate Obs here, they save lives, but also without alienating those who have had trauma with their births. I now understand that the OP was all about being happy about the choice of Ob, but the wording used wasn't clear that it was only asking for posts in agreeance - but that is foreign to me like I said, I don't post just so people will all have the same belief, support or experience. Could have also been just as easy for a response to say, 'Yes I can see how they could be hurting, must be difficult to have a bad experience. I am so lucky! I'll definitely be telling all my friends' etc etc...

n2l - I see what you mean, but I don't get that impression at all, I see that there are people who are pro-midwife, pro-freebirth, pro-ob. And also the anti- of all of those. I just don't see it as being a massive thing? We all just have our preferences with care and can have bad experiences in all those settings. I know homebirth stories where the mothers weren't happy with the care too... just as anywhere else. Maybe I am not looking in the right places... and maybe thats a good thing. Negative energy isn't a great place to be, groups like that sap the life out of you!

[Miss.September]

However there are many people having bad experiences, and like any profession it creates feelings about things. How do you feel about politicians? Salesmen? Telstra?! Hearing problems over and over again, bad service, bad products... all produces bad feedback and a general/common feeling about it. Would you trust an Ob who works in a hospital where they do 80% c/s? Or would you worry that you'd end up with one too? Hopefully you've done your homework, picked a good one (not just who your neighbour thinks is good - someone aligned with what you want and actually listens) and checked out their intervention rates, but not many people do this.

I took Lulu's post to be a positive thumbs up to her ob, saying that there are good ones out there. And others, including myself, have come in to say, hey that's great, I have a great/good ob too. And then the above statement is made, and the negativity is there, and a debate will begin, when all it was to begin with was a "Woo hoo" on a good experience she is having.

If I started a thread about a fantastic experience I had with a Telstra representative, would the following posts be about bad experiences with Telstra? Or that you could have a bad experience with Telstra? No. There'd probably be a bunch of "That's great" and "I had a good experience too." But because this is about an OB, the negativity will be thrown in.

We know that you CAN have a bad experience with an OB. Everyone is well aware of it. Reminding everyone of that when Lulu is sharing a good experience that would be generally considered outside the norm, well that doesn't really sit well with me.