Bullying how to approach the school ?

[melham74]

Ok I need some advice....a bit of Back info first. DD is in grade 8 this year so first year high school in QLD. She came to the car in tears today and said she was never going back to that school and to find her another, I asked her what was wrong and she said this girl had spread a rumor about her and nobody was her freind now but she didnt know what had been said. It is also her Birthday today and she is having a party on Saturday and she has told me that no one wants to come now.......before this there were 15 girls comming. I asked who started the rumor and she told me, thing is she went to primary school with this girl who is nothing but a little cow, caused trouble all through primary school and has caused trouble for a few girls this year also. I know the girls mother and tbh she isnt much better. SO on the way home I stopped at one of her freinds house to speak with her mum to try to find out what was said and apparently this girl has told the whole of the grade 8's that DD wet herself all the time last year, (she did once when the teacher was yelling at her and wouldnt beleive that she needed to go and they were in the middle of an exam). So I now know what has been said and have spoken with 2 other parents whom this girl has also caused crap for this year. I have decided to go see the vice principal at the school tommorrow and am keeping DD at home. ( the vice principal is gr8t the principal is a d...ck head). I have planned to say to her that if something isnt done about this girl then I will go to the police and have something done about her myself, when we had interveiws last year for yr 8 I told them that DD was not to be in the same classes as her because of the trouble and they said to me OOOHHH you arent the first person to request this,(I Know whom the others are). So am I being unreasonable I dont want her changing schools as I know teenages are going to have ups and downs I just think something needs to be done and not brushed under the carpet....DD's Birthday has been ruined she wouldnt come out of her room all arvo, wouldnt even open her cards she got in the mail and I am at a loss. What can I do to fix it.

[monnie]

Oh Mel

So sorry to hear about your DD's bullying experiences...it's just so nasty, isn't it?

Best of luck in speaking to the school tomorrow...my only advice would be to give the facts and try as much as possible (and this is a big call!), to keep the emotion out of it.

From my experience with working with schools, they respond much better to facts and rationality than emotion (even though it may be totally warranted).

I can only imagine how tough it is for your DD to face school...but changing schools shouldn't be number 1 option. Unfortunately, she will come across bullies all her life (as we all do) and it's really important for her to work out a way of dealing with it...as tough as that might be!

There's a couple of really good books I would recommend....

One is "Queen bees and wanna bees" which is what the movie "Mean girls" was loosely based on...it's all about teenage girl social dynamics.

The other book is called "bully busting" and again, has some good ideas for dealing with bullies.

One other book (written for kids) is called Bullies, bigmouths and so called friends...they might also be of some help!

I know none of this is immediately helpful...but hopefully it will help in the long run.

Take care!

[melham74]

thanx Monnie.........I have told her changing schools isnt an option that bullying happens at every school. I cant help but think it has had something to do with DD party though as all the others that she went to primary school were invited I did make her invite this girl aswell, but apparently she spat on the invite in front of her and told her she wouldnt lower herself to come to a "Scrags party as she put it." I am so tempted to call this girls mum in the morning but I know it wont do any good. I will go to the libary tommorrow and try to find the books you have listed.

[Nelle]

*gasp* That girl did what?? That really is quite nasty. That's really terrible for her, that she thinks it's okay to act like that. She must be pretty unhappy.

And that really sucks for your daughter Mel. I'd be so disappointed if I was her.

I guess the thing for your daughter to do is not to play the game, you know? Pretend she doesn't care what this girl thinks of her, your daughter's out to enjoy her life and be a good person, be nice, be fun, be whatever she wants to be, and if that other girl doesn't want to be involved, fine, her choice, her loss. Your daughter reacting gives this other girl power, so best not to I reckon. Having an effect on your daughter's friends also gives the other girl power, but if the friends see that your daughter's not fussed either way, then that girl will be less impressive and seem a bit lame.

At the same time, this girl should be held accountable for her actions, cos they are NOT cool or okay. And bad things have been done by bullies, so you've gotta take it seriously for sure.

Also make sure your daughter can always talk to you about stuff, so even if she's been smiling on a bad day at school, she can lean on you when she gets home. It sounds like she feels she can be pretty open with you, that's such a grouse thing - good support will get a girl through high school!

As for her birthday...maybe see what she wants to do...perhaps you guys could go shop in the city for a day, or you and dh could take her out for a special dinner?

Man, high school really is brutal isn't it...big hugs to your daughter from me, girls can be so insane sometimes.

[Hoody]

I dont really have much advice but if i were your 13yo DD i would just carry on as normal and if ppl commented etc on the rumours i'd jsut give the attitude "If ppl want to think/believe these things then thats fine. I cant help what they believe etc i know the truth and true friends etc will see through lies." I know it must be sooooo hard been at this age and dealing with this but it would show that she has courage etc without stooping to their level. It will be hard for her to do but IMO it would be harder on the bullies to get no response iykwim as obviously they want one and want to know their behaviour is having an affect. But if they get NO response as such they will more than likely find someone easier to pick on.
:hugs: to you and your DD i am dreading my girls been in situations like this. I dont know you or your DD but feel your frustration. Why do ppl have to be so nasty.
GL Hoody

Hun i wrote this in your other post. I didnt realise the bullying was so bad. I agree with both Monnie and Nelle. Your poor DD and poor you. I was never bullied but still didnt like high school with all the dramas etc and i can feel your DD's pain from here. Maybe you can scrap today and tell her you can celebrate her birthday over the weekend or something when its blown over a little and she is in better spirits.

[Hoody]

Just wondering how you went on at the school and how is your DD now?

[melham74]

The school was really good, didnt send DD on Friday but called the deputy principal and explained the situation, she said she wont have that at the school and that a couple of other parents had aslo had issues with this girl. A number of girls were called to the office and had a chat about rumors and consequences and they did call dd and apolagise, 13 of them turned up for her party which was good and the girl in questions is on her last warning before suspension. Thanx for asking

[mrsmac]

So glad this seem to be improving and that the school did something.

[Nelle]

Great to hear Mel.