It's really challenging when kids are so upset by separation... You have my empathy...

Firstly it's my personal belief (so take it or leave it) that conservative education isn't right for all children. This is thankfully why we have choices & different educational settings suit different children...

My son was very much like your daughter - he screamed and screamed & I wasn't prepared to put him through that. So, like you I pulled him out ( he was older at 4) & kept him home for that year. We did playgroup, had playdates & like Jen ensured there were other children & adults he learned to trust the care of...

He didn't cope with mainstream preschool (5years old) & I sought out an independent school that was respectful of the differences in children's personalities & had a gentle ethos. He thrived & didn't have a single day where he was unwilling to attend - he has remained that way and is now 9yo.

I think you need to listen to your child - seek out alternatives that feel right for you & your child & really trust your gut instincts.

Good luck...