I pulled her out - any ideas as to what now?

[Miss H]

I pulled DD out of Kindy. She was not coping emotionally. I won't get into it now. But I do need to continue with something at home until we try again next year. I am not very good at the entertaining thing and was wondering if anyone knows of a good book to give me ideas or examples of things I can do with her to prepare her for school. I know she must paint and draw etc and I get her those workbooks and go through them with her but it feels like there is more I should be doing. Any ideas?

[LimeSlice]

I would suggest a Montessori school. There are a few around Perth that qre quite good, and they begin from 3 years old.
Certainly they will be able to offer you help if nothing else as to what to do with her until next year, but will also prove I think to be a great option for her now....

Good luck

[Doodlebug]

A Montessori school sounds like a good idea. Maybe even a private 3yr old kindy where she can go 1 or 2 mornings a week only? There are a few of those around. (I'm assuming she was at kindy 2 full days?)

[Rouge]

I too would also suggest an alternative as if she wasn't coping emotionally, you may find she won't be school ready by next year. The most important part of Kinder is learning to interact with other children ie. saying no, making friends etc As well as learning to take instructions from strangers and the obvious one of separation from parents.

[Miss H]

if she wasn't coping emotionally, you may find she won't be school ready by next year.

Just curious as to why you think she won't cope next year if she is not coping this year?

She suffers terribly with separation anxiety as this was the first time that she has been away from us. She is a very sensitive child and is scared of alot of things including other children. I have been taking her to playgroups for the past year and dancing but she is still scared. She won't play with the other children at all. The three year old Kindys here involve me going with but I can't take my toddler with. I have no one to leave DD2 with so that is out and leaving DD1 is not an option at the moment. I am going to continue to take her to playgroup, dancing and include Kindy Gym this year. I am hoping that by next year she will be more emotionally ready as she will be 4 yrs 8 months by then. I just want things I can do at home to keep her occupied and interested and learning.

[AnyDream]

Have you considered introducing her to seperation in a more supported environment? I'm thinking along the lines of a morning or afternoon with a lovely gentle family day care lady. This is how all my kids learnt about separation, as I drove off each time I knew my DDs would get as many cuddles as they needed while they learnt to get on without me there. Just a thought...

Also, find out whether kindy has a mid-year intake... perhaps in 4 mths she might cope better than she has now.

Also, lots of good ideas on Playschool every morning. Story time at the library (they often do craft there) and you can pick up some books about going to school, kindy etc so get her more used to the idea. Also find out if there is a playgroup at the kindy you plan on sending her to (often they have a playgroup there on a Fri when kindy's not on) - you stay there with your kids, it will give her some interaction with other kiddies and also familiarity with the place.

HTH

[Jennifer13]

This is a bit out of left field, but do you have a trusted friend or family member with a child around the same age that you could 'swap' care with?

For two years, my DD went to a friend's house one day and we had my friend's child the next day. My DD is an only child and (while she did attend preschool and didn't have the separation issues you talked about) this was really helpful in terms of learning to share her space, toys and managing her emotions when another child was there. It also helped my friend and I - me for work, her for some time alone with her new baby. Obviously she'd already been around my friend and her child plenty previously, for morning tea and catch ups, etc.

Just an idea...

[Rouge]

The reason that we are told here in Vic (by Kinder teachers/School teachers etc) that the Kinder experience is valuable to children who don't cope emotionally in a Kinder environment is because they need that exposure so they can cope with school integration. For the reasons I mentioned in my post.

The biggest misconception about Kinder is that it is for academic progression. Academics are not important for starting school, as that is what is taught in the first year of school. Social skills are what is learnt mostly at Kinder, and what is needed to be "school ready". I know Perth doesn't do Kinder the same way we do here in the eastern states, so you might find that it won't be as important and I daresay there will be other children/parents in the same boat as you.

[Doodlebug]

Are you going to put your dd into kindy again next year? or go straight to pre-primary? Just wondering if it might be possible to speak to the kindy and if they're happy for her only to stay for an hour at a time for the first few weeks to gently ease her into it? Maybe then the time will come where you will pick her up and she'll want to stay and do the next activity?

If she's going straight to pre-primary next year, 5 days a week might be too much of a jump all at once?

[Miss H]

I tried doing only half days with the Kindy. They are part of the Primary School here in WA. There weren't happy to do it and wanted to keep it at full days. We tried this for four weeks and she was getting worse where she was refusing to eat. I am planning on sending her to full time PP next year. I tried to delay her for a year and get her into Kindy again next year but the principal won't do it even though she is the youngest in her class.

[Rouge]

If you want to keep her back, you can get a psych evaluation (sounds scary but it's just to basically put the wind up them to let you do what's best for your DD) and they will confirm that she needs an extra year. So many kids do, and there is nothing wrong with it. It's funny how things differ state to state. Here in Vic a lot of parents keep back children so their child turns 6 the year they start prep. Some even turn 7. Emotional wellbeing is more important, and you don't need the stress of worrying if she's coping when it could impact on her learning and social integration. You are doing a great job!

It's times like this I wish we had a national education system rather than state to state.

[Jennifer13]

Is there a chance you could go back in a few months and try again? Or do you have any other schools in your area that might be willing to try?

To have to put her in full-time next year, after such a rough start this year, might work, but it'd be better (I assume) to sort of ease her into it if you have that option. To build her confidence and to provide her with the reassurance that you are not far away and she can have a good time with other kids away from you.

[Oorki Galoorki]

Mainstream schooling doesnt have to be the only option.
check out home schooling groups in your state you may find that the gentle approach to homeschooling may be what she needs rather then mainstream schooling.
happy to give you some links if you like..

[Rouge]

Ditto what Oorki has said too!

[~Serenity~]

It's hard with the school cut of being changed it actually worked to my ds advantage cos he is a July baby so he got to stay back a year which is just what he needed he turns 6 this year in pre primary

[Curly]

It's times like this I wish we had a national education system rather than state to state.

The national curriculum is due to start in 2012.

Also, my Victorian MCHN tipped me off just before we moved up here to Qld that 3 yo kinder in Vic may not be around for too much longer. The Rudd Government have promised X amount of hours of subsidised 4yo kinder for every child and the resources for that will have to come from somewhere, most likely 3yo kinder.

I was really cranky that my DS wasn't going to get to go to 3yo kinder in Qld because I really like the Victorian system, so that made me feel a bit better LOL.

I just pulled my DS out of daycare, which I had put him in to substitute for no 3yo kinder in Qld. I am substituting with playgroup and Gymbaroo, plus he also goes to Fit Kids and swimming. Socially he is actually pretty good with the other kids, he's just not ready to cut the apron strings yet because he has been moved around all his little life, the poor kid.

I am going to give him 4-6 months and then maybe try daycare again (a different centre though) but I'm not stressing so much, I would say when he starts proper pre-school/pre-prep next year there will be other kids in the same boat.

[Inanna]

It's really challenging when kids are so upset by separation... You have my empathy...

Firstly it's my personal belief (so take it or leave it) that conservative education isn't right for all children. This is thankfully why we have choices & different educational settings suit different children...

My son was very much like your daughter - he screamed and screamed & I wasn't prepared to put him through that. So, like you I pulled him out ( he was older at 4) & kept him home for that year. We did playgroup, had playdates & like Jen ensured there were other children & adults he learned to trust the care of...

He didn't cope with mainstream preschool (5years old) & I sought out an independent school that was respectful of the differences in children's personalities & had a gentle ethos. He thrived & didn't have a single day where he was unwilling to attend - he has remained that way and is now 9yo.

I think you need to listen to your child - seek out alternatives that feel right for you & your child & really trust your gut instincts.

Good luck...

[*Ang*]

Whereabouts in Perth are you Miss H? I live SOR and know of a number of 3 yr old kinders where you are not required to attend and where they are only for 2-3 hours at a time.

There is also an occasional child care centre in Booragoon and Beeliar where you pay (I think) $8 per hour and can leave the child there for only a couple of hours. I have used the Booragoon one and it is fantastic. The sessions dont have to be regularly booked either (like a daycare). You just ring a few days in advance to when you require care. My DS started kindy this year and is a June baby and one of the youngest in his class. We used the Booragoon one last year for a few sessions to get him used to the idea of being away from me.

Alot of catholic primary schools are also now offering 3 yr old kinder. Perhaps speak to your local one and see what their costs are and how often you are required to attend.