What do I do now?

[aussienic]

bullying

Ok My son has had a problem with this other Child.. Lets cal him J. Since year 1. J and Ethan are now in year 5. At first it was just calling Ethan a baby and silly things like that..

First week of school this year Ethan comes home upset.. J called me a 'Faggot' Now to me thats just disgusting.. We have spoken to the teacher and principal many times about this child and the same response every time.. Ethan you need to show less emotion bla bla bla

Yesterday we get to the car and Ethan says his back is sore. why is your back sore.. J pushed me into the port racks.. So I grabbed Ethan and marched right back into the school.. Unfort they were all on thier way to a meeting so I had a meeting with the principal this morning.

He basically said.. Well Ethan you need to change the way you react to J.. If you don't react or say things like well it takes one to know one or I know you are but what am I.. then J will leave you alone. Now to me that just sounds like Well dear if you lined up his slippers and pipejust right he wouldn't have beat you.. Why should my child even have to deal with J. How many more times is this going to happen.. These boys are not little anymore.. they are getting to an age where more serious things are going to happen (imo)

We can't even let Ethan walk to school.. He is allowed to ride but not walk.. why? becaue this kid scooters or rides and on more then one occassion has bailed Ethan up..

What else can we do? I am not foreceful person and I don't want to go to the education department about this just yet.

Ethan also said to the principal this morning.. J said he was going to flog me if I came to school today and you know what he said to Ethan.... Well Ethan how many fights have you had with J?? so do you really think he is going to hit you

Seriously.. even I know thats not right.. I wonder if they are even going to say something to this child or his parents

Sorry for the ramble but we have had enough.. I think DH is going to go up this week if something else happens.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Poor munchkin My DH was bullied so badly that he had to change schools when he was a kid, resulting in him not having any friends because he lived so far away. IMO, if it's been going on for so long, its no longer a question of how Ethan reacts - I would be demanding J be punished in some way. Surely there would be something in Ethan's file, showing how many times you've raised the issue? Letting it go for this long is disgraceful on the principal's part!

I really would recommend taking it further Nic - my DH still finds it difficult to be in social situations without me, he simply has no confidence in himself because it was beaten out of him

[nic]

Far out!! That is not on! That principle sounds umm... I'm not sure what to say??..Have you checked the Education Qld Website for info? If you do a search on their website for Bullying, it brings up a few results, I found a link on there to a website called bullyingnoway dotcom dotau. I copied this from their website...

We all have the right to learn in a safe and supportive school environment that values diversity - an environment free from bullying, harassment, discrimination and violence.

We all have the right to be treated with fairness and dignity.

We all have a responsibility to keep others safe and to treat them in the same way - with fairness, dignity and respect

I'd start by saying to the principle that he should read this!

Does your school have a website? I looked at ours and they have info on there about their behaviour management policy. I can PM a link to you if you want, not sure if it will help or not?
I'd defiantely be telling the principle to sort it out, get a good system in place that deals with bullying, and if not you will go to education qld..

Nic

[aussienic]

Thanks for that.. yes I to have issues relating all the way back to school.. and i don't want my son to be like that.. Thankfully he is a very smart child but still some things are hard to get away from.. he was in counselling through the school last year due to low self confidence.. yet still nothing is done to this other child.. or was it acknowldeged that Ethans issues had anything to do with him..

[Jahzara]

I feel for you, i really do.

I think this "J" has already been given enough chances.
Ethan has a valid point and so do you. Everyone has the right to be heard and the principal is not listening !

You have obviously discussed this with them on several occasions to no avail.
Possibly time for the next step.
Some schools / teachers seem to have a "you need to learn to be more resilient" attitude. This is more than a case of being more resilient - this is bullying !
Whether you go to the education department or change schools - i wish you all the best.
No child should have to go through this and as a parent you shouldnt have to see your child go through this - it is heartbreaking !
Take care xx

[Tobily]

That is SO NOT ON. Completely blaming the victim because it's too damn hard for the principal to deal with.

The message this sends to your son can be really damaging - he is basically being told it all his fault, he's weak for showing how it makes him feel...all NOT things you want a boy that age to be learning.

Aussienic I know you said you don't want to take it further yet - but that's been going on for 5 years and as both boys get older (and bigger and more full of hormones!) it's probably just going to get worse. I think you need to go to the Education Dept. and have this dealt with.

I hope Ethan is ok.

[AnyDream]

The school definitely needs to do more. I'd be ringing and asking if there is a staff member who has the special role of dealing with bullying and harrassment. It may be a deputy rather than the principal. Before you speak to them, dot point out the most relevant points. Things i would be mentioning:
* Threats of violence are unacceptable
* My child is now scared enough that he is modifying his behaviour to avoid having contact with this other child (ie doesn't ride to school, tries to hide on the playground etc). This is a pretty clear indication he does not feel safe. he has a RIGHT to feel safe in the school environment
* Just because he's a boy doesn't mean he's not entitled to get through the day/week without experiencing violence

I would be asking the school to commence a formal process that includes both the student and his parent. As part of that process, you son may need to do a bit more counselling to shore up his confidence and positive assertiveness skills as well. You can do this in writing if you prefer not to have a face-to-face meeting, but it will probably involve a meeting at a later point so you need to be prepared for this too.

Definitely bring your DH or another supportive friend with you to the meeting, as it sounds like you find these sorts of situations quite stressful and challenging. xxx Let us know how you get on.

[AliBaby]

Find out who is in charge of student welfare at yor school. It will most likely to be a teacher. The way the Principal is dealing with this (or should I say not dealing with this) is unacceptable. Children should not feel threatened in their learning environment. I am sure the education writer in the Daily Telegraph would love to hear this story. This principal would be getting the Dunce award!

[aussienic]

The message this sends to your son can be really damaging - he is basically being told it all his fault, he's weak for showing how it makes him feel...all NOT things you want a boy that age to be learning.
.

Thats exactly how I took it
We are going to give it a week and see what the principal says when he "checks in" with Ethan. In the mean time I am going to start noting everything this child says and does to Ethan. then we will go back to the school armed with a list of things.. i would have prefered to speak to the Deputy Principal as I dealt with her last year about the same matter and thats when she got Ethan counselling as well as the other child..

I spoke with a friend whose child is in the same grade and she said this other boy has said to her son.. I am going to make Ethan cry today I don't want to drag this other child intot he office and get him to tell the Principal what he said but his mum said she will back me 100% when I do need to go back in ..

thanks for the advice on here ladies.. Much appreciated

[nic]

Hey Nic
Just wondering how things are going?

Nic

[LimeSlice]

I would begin taking it up with the boys mother, the education department and the school all at once.

The situation is clearly not being dealt with by the principal, so perhaps it is time to get a little dirty yourself. A casual reference to Neil Mitchell (or your QLD counterpart), the local paper or the Telegragh should be enough to push the coward int action.
People will walk all over you if you let them, so dont let this principal, through ignorance and idiocy affect how your DS will grow up, learn, emotionally develop and live for the rest of his live by allowing it to happen.
If the principal isnt willing to take a stand, make him.

I really hope Ethan is ok I suffered bullying all the way through school and I wish I could say it didnt affect who I am, but it did, and not in a good way...except that now I stand up for myself.

Good luck

[aussienic]

Ethan has had a pretty good week.. There was one moment where he called Ethan a F C.. Not impressed.. Spoke to the teacher about the language being used.. Now I think the S is going to hit the fan with this kid in the coming weeks, I knew he was picking on other kids but I have started talking to other parents a bit more.. One of Ethans friends is also being picked on a lot and its been happening for 3 yrs to him.

He swears at him, pushes him ect ect.. and then on Thursday afternoon another child from Ethans class came to his mother crying his eyes out.. Now this kid is big.. he is so tall he could pass for a grade 8er but he is only in yr 5. the mum asked what was wrong and he started talking about J The mother then saw J so grabbed her son and J and said right get to the office this is being sorted out now..

I don't know what happened after that but I know the Mum and her son were in the office for ages..

But we are now writing down everything this kid does and will report everything to the office when it happens..

I think it is time this child was removied from this school or something seriously done.. he is making a lot of children very unhappy..

[nic]

There was one moment where he called Ethan a F C..

Far out!!
Hopefully by having another parent visit the office, the principal might start taking it seriously and do something.

[Inertia]

Principles like that really do irritate me beyond belief.

For over 20 years they have been telling kids to "ignore it". One would have thought by now that they would have learnt that it doesn't work. It actually inflames the situation because the bully has not got the response they want, so they escalate their approach. "Ignoring it" is the single quickest way to turn verbal harassment to violence.

Even worse, doing nothing about the bully when he knows he is being reported is simply empowering the bully by condoning his actions!

I'd take it to the next level. There is huge uproar about bullying in schools right now because of the amount of former students who are suing and current victims who are responding with excessive force. The Department should help.

[LimeSlice]

how distrubing!!
I would be seriously wondering what this J boy is coping at home from siblings or parents, or why he is behaving like that. Very extreme....

Glad to hear it is being addressed though - power in numbers!

[aussienic]

And one more thing I learnt yesterday.. We went away for the day and took one of Ethans friends with us.. I got talking to his mum yesterday and would you believe this.. Friday afternoon she went and spoke with the principal again and this is what he said

(remember I had a meeting with him just last week)

This is only the second complaint I have had about this child and mentioned the incident the day before!! the mum said she couldn't come right out and say you are a liar but she said.. I find that highly unlikely..

I am still quite shocked the principal lied right to her face. I had spoken to her the afternoon before about how I had been to see him..

This guys a twit.. He needs to step up and be a principal.. I know its a hard job but one child is making a lot of other childrens school life pretty darn miserable.. (and in some cases home life) ( Ethan and his mate muck up at home when school upsets them)

[Visitor8]

wow no that is not right. They shouldn't be blaming Ethan. It isn't HIS fault that little **** is bullying him. They should be marching L's stupid ass to the office and calling HIS parents and suspending him! Can you ask to see their bullying policy? Most schools have one and it sounds to me like they aren't following theirs. You can definately threaten to call the Edu Dept about it, maybe that would make them sit up and take it seriously. It is not ok that this is happening.

Grrr im so mad!