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Not one of my kids has asked I stop calling them a pet name. Including baby. DS wants to be a baby :/ he gets upset & cries when he sees photos of himself as a baby.
dd3 is just starting to make decisions on being a 'big girl'. Fully tt & speaks so clearly, but only just starting to say 'no, I big girl' (no bottle at a sleep over!!!)
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DS1 had an "affectionate name" that was bestowed on him by someone in the family. I think he would have been about the same age as your little boy when he too said that he didn't like being called that. To him it was belittling and demeaning. I was taken aback because I hadn't thought about it at all in that manner but respected his wishes. When someone else would use the name I respectfully told them that we don't use that name.
Funnily enough, when my name gets shortened DH hates it. But there are some people (aunts, uncles and some cousins) who still insist on using it. When they use it, it no longer bothers me. If other people use it I get really mad. Either way, DH hates it.
FWIW, if one of our children had pointed out to me that they didn't like something I was doing (ie, calling them something they didn't like) and I continued to do it, my DH would call me on it too. Right or wrong, that's just how it is.
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I get you being upset with your DH but I have to agree with TFB that he did the right thing by backing his son up in this case.
The fact that you ignored your son's request and he felt like he needed his dad to step in and back him up with you meant that his dad did absolutely the right thing in hearing his son's wishes and defending him against a name he didn't like.
I think there's a big difference in parents not undermining each other with regards to discipline/rules etc and one parent defending the kids from the other parent. In this case, one of the parents was doing something the kid didn't like, the child had asked for it to stop and that request had been ignored. Absolutely it is the other parents job to step in and back the child up.
Why do you feel the need to constantly remind the child that he is your baby? Why do you take it so personally that he doesn't want you to call him that anymore? Maybe I've missed something but it seems like you are making a bigger deal out of this that is needed.
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thanks Glenny, you replied as I was lol
This has only become an issue over the last week or so. I have always called him 'baby', I suppose where someone would call the LO's a pet name, mine for DS is/was 'baby'.
I absolutely agree that it is a parent's job to defend the child and back the child up, however I feel this situation has been misunderstood. DS didn't approach his dad to get him to stop calling him 'baby'. We were in a general conversation, and then I gave him instructions to get into bed where I included his pet name. DS told me his isn't a baby and to not call him baby. I replied with my usual response of "you will always be my baby" which he often accepts and will say something like OK (yes in an exasperated way but it seemed to be accepting way) this is the point that his Dad came into the conversation.
The point I am trying to make to DS when I say to him that "you will always be my baby" is that (and I explain this as well) I know he isn't a baby, I know he is a big boy and growing up but he will always be my baby. I suppose it is something that I grew up with my mum telling me, she said it to me just the other day. I know she knows I am a grown woman with a child of my own. To her I will always be that precious little bundle she held when I was a little baby. HTMS
:shrug: I don't know, maybe I have it wrong, just my perspective
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I'd be peeved too if he (DH) said it in a real sarcastic and condesending way too. Hope you didn't think I was being critical of you as well. It's weird when you're little man starts to assert himself and lets you know that he's not your "baby" but a big boy. They grow up way to quickly.
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My DS has just recently asked me to stop calling him baby. And 'honey', 'possum', 'sweetheart', 'chicken','darling'.. The list is long. I am a name giver, and he just wants to be called by his name and his name only. I am trying hard to go by what he wants, but it is hard after doing it for the past 6 years
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Thank you for all of your replies, I don't have many people IRL to ask so it is nice to get others perspective
Just to clarify, my DS didn't approach his Dad to ask me to stop calling him baby, DS and I were in a conversation about it, when his dad (his tone was full of sarcasm and condencenion and IMO interrupted our conversation on what I am to call him) pointed out that DS has asked me several times to stop calling him baby.
I do take your (and other's point) that he has asked to stop being called this and I know I need to come up with something more appropriate.
We are suppose to have a "same team" moto but it just doesn't feel like it is happening at the moment. I suppose what also frustrates me is hearing DS tell his dad to stop (calling DS boofhead, tickling or whatever) and have his dad continue and when I bring it up with him (while DS isn't around) he dismisses me.
Thankyou, I really needed to see it from his perspective and I think this sums it up nicely
Argh... I guess I am just a little frustrated, if I said it in a belittling way then I would have an easier time understanding it. I think I need to look at this as an opportunity for DS to establish his boundaries and help be apart of that.
lol Clover - sounds like your baby will not enjoy being the youngest
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Sorry, I also misread the dad problem. If I was you, I would be supporting your DS whenever he asks his Dad to stop. This is not a "team" thing, it is respect and your DS needs to know that he will be supported when he wants something to stop.
By the way, I don't thing parents need to be a team necessarily. They should have an agreement about fundamentals but children need to see people negotiating and as long as it is respectful, it can only be a good thing.
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