Yes it might have been something relatively minor but he betrayed your trust, he lied to you.
He needs to learn that trust is something that is easily lost and takes a lot to earn back.
I know I did some things in my youth that lost the trust of my parents and it took a long time to earn that trust back, I paid for it in a big way. Once I'd earned the trust back and showed that I was responsible, I had a lot more freedom. I ended up being able to do things that had other parents shaking their heads, I even had school friends comment at our reunion a couple of weeks ago that they were amazed at what I was able to do when we were at highschool, but it was because I screwed up and had to fight to prove I was capable and mature enough to behave and not lie.
He still has no understanding this morning of what he did wrong. It is highly frustrating.
Keeps asking if he can go for a ride..
Currently occupied with Xbox. That is the only electronic he is allowed and honestly it is only because DH has to sleep till midday after working last night.
Dh says for now no going out no friends over, no phone or comp meaning no FB. When he wakes up we will discuss it further. He was simply to tired for that this morning
I agree with everyone else about him needing to earn back your trust, however I would also be looking at why you said no to the original request because TBH it didn't sound unreasonable. He is almost a teenager and if you want him to stay within the boundaries, then I believe it is important for those boundaries to be reasonable. So perhaps once he has regained your trust then you could sit down with him and set the rules together, so that you are both happy with the rules as they have been set.
I said no because it was almost 7pm. I don't like my kids outside after dark.
I have an issue with this girl due to an incident a couple of weeks ago. He had also been out from 10am that morning till 5:30 in the afternoon. I knew where he was and all that but I felt it was time for a rest..
To play devil's advocate here, if he needed a rest why did you let him go next door? Especially if you had read his emails and knew he was going to betray your trust. Did he know the reasons why you didn't want him to go to the girls house? And does he agree that at almost 13 he is still to young to go out after dark because for many kids they would find that unfair. It sounds a little like you were trapping him into disobeying you and TBH there is a betrayal of trust on both sides here. Was he aware you were reading his messages or did he think they were private? I totally agree that he needs to understand he has broken his trust but equally if you are not trusting him with age appropriate play (such as walking out after dark) and reading his private messages then it's not that far flung a concept to me that he will start betraying your trust back.
He knows I have access to his messages. He does not know however that I read his messages to discover this particular issue. and yes I could have said straight up no you aren't going out because I know what you are planning but decided at the time to allow him to go and see what he would actually do..
and as for a rest what I meant by that was no running around the neighbours yard ect.. watching a movie is resting and doing it next door is the same as here but here they need to be quiet due to the younger kids where as next door its only one child of 12..
I do understand what you are saying though and yes he understands why I have issues with this girl.. When I have time I will fill you in. In my opinion it is a serious issue which thankfully didn't go any further then it did (not sex related)
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks