thread: I am so very angry but more disappointed... advice

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  1. #1
    Registered User
    Add aussienic on Facebook

    Feb 2005
    Boyne Island
    6,327

    He knows I have access to his messages. He does not know however that I read his messages to discover this particular issue. and yes I could have said straight up no you aren't going out because I know what you are planning but decided at the time to allow him to go and see what he would actually do..

    and as for a rest what I meant by that was no running around the neighbours yard ect.. watching a movie is resting and doing it next door is the same as here but here they need to be quiet due to the younger kids where as next door its only one child of 12..

    I do understand what you are saying though and yes he understands why I have issues with this girl.. When I have time I will fill you in. In my opinion it is a serious issue which thankfully didn't go any further then it did (not sex related)

  2. #2
    Registered User

    Nov 2009
    Scottish expat living in Geelong
    5,572

    Just to reiterate in case I came across as harsh, I absolutely agree he should not have gone when you said no, and I agree you need to get him to earn back your trust first and foremost. I hope you work something out xx

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Oct 2007
    Caroline Springs
    2,341

    We still like our 15 1/2 year old home before dark, so I would also have said no to walking even a few blocks in the dark. Going next door in the dark is a bit different though so I probably would have allowed that. If I was ok with him going to the girl's house (which it sounds like you weren't due to particular reasons) I would drive him rather than let him walk in the dark. Up until recently we had Interguard on his computer which monitored his internet activity including messages and he was aware of it.

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Dec 2007
    Geelong
    3,438

    The joys of teenagers , you've been given some great advice, I really think you need to give your DS a reason as to why you don't want him going to this girls house, may help him understand a little better. Wishing you all the best .

    Regards,
    Dianne

  5. #5
    Registered User
    Add aussienic on Facebook

    Feb 2005
    Boyne Island
    6,327

    DS knows why I don't want him hanging around this girl

    Second last week of school she was bashed walking home by some other students. For some unknown reason she told her friends my DS did this. Long story short. 10:30 that night I rechecked his messages and she had replied with Oh I don't know who did it but you weren't there for me.

    I screen capped the whole convo and ones where her friends were messaging him asking him why he would hurt her. Of course I asked Ds if he did this but the time frame was all wrong anyways. and he didn't do it

    I (on advice from someone) stayed quiet for the following day to see how things went but thankfully nothing came of it. I still have the convo saved at photo's so can use it if need be,

    (so yeh thats why I don't want him hanging out with this girl. If she can accuse him of this at 12 what could she accuse him of as she gets older)

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Mar 2007
    6,979

    Eeek?! Maybe ban him from fb for a while?? Can you do that?

  7. #7
    Registered User
    Add aussienic on Facebook

    Feb 2005
    Boyne Island
    6,327

    I have changed his password today as he kept sneaking onto the computer or ipad when we weren't looking and I wasn't about to carry them everywhere I went..

    So now no FB for a couple of days..

    He hasn't been too bad thankfully

  8. #8
    Registered User
    Add Starfish on Facebook

    Apr 2007
    Sydney
    1,759

    You say that your DS knows why you don't want him seeing this girl, but I am wondering if he really does, or whether what you told him went in one ear and out the other. It seems that no matter what she did to him, he has somehow forgiven her and let it go. Have you talked to him about this? i.e. not why you don't want him seeing her but getting him to explain to you why he does want to see her? It seems that until he understands himself why he shouldn't see her, he will just continue to sneak around.

  9. #9
    Registered User

    Dec 2007
    Geelong
    3,438

    Totally agree with Starfish, maybe they sorted it out ie. why she lied, was it a misunderstanding? Sometimes as hard as it sounds we need to let our teenagers work out/resolve issues on their own to enable them to grow as young adults.

    Regards,
    Dianne