I'm sorry, obviously i wasn't very clear.

1. Forced teaming is when someone who isn't on the team assumed or implies they are. A friend who has known you for decades would indeed be considered by most as "on the team".

2. I would actually be suspicious of the implied criticism of his wife's parenting in this way. I'd be gutted if my DP said that about me to one of his female friends. Any chance he's wanted you all along?

3. Does he tell the long involved stories to people he has just met, or has not yet met but has just started talking at?

4. Typecasting is a general tool of social manipulation which can be used for good as well as evil. I will often say to someone that they're doing great because all they're lacking is self-confidence and then they WILL be doing great. The point is to see where that comment is coming from.

5. Again, the generosity of a friend you've known for years is not quite the same as someone you don't know or barely know making an offer of the same magnitude!

I too will say "hey handsome" to little boys i am meeting or "hey cutie" to little girls, but i don't then stop and offer to take said (whiny) little girl or boy off their parents hands so they can finish shopping in peace, say i want to take them to that (insert heavily detailed description) place down the street, and then promise to take good care of them!

I just think that genuinely loving, caring people are cast as abusers because some people use the same techniques in a bad way.
In studies done on men in prison for abusing children over 85% of them TRUTHFULLY believed the abuse they had commited was just an expression of love for the victim and not an act of abuse at all. Some said they were sure the child wanted it, enjoyed it, engaged in it knowingly or freely and saw it as a natural development of their friendship. Many felt that the effects of the abuse could not possibly be as bad as society and the law implied. So many abusers, especially those who know their victims well, will not necessarily cross the line and think they are definitely doing harm. Denial is a powerful tool, for abusers, the abused and parents/carers of the abused alike.

For this reason it is very important to pay attention to our interactions and spot when we are being manipulated and why. You seem to have a good handle on why your friend uses the manipulation he does, which is wonderful. If you can apply that awareness to all those around you, your DS stands a good chance of staying safe.

Bx