Tell me about self harm (cutting) themselves

[BrightSparkles]

Someone definatly needs to be told and the school is usually a good start. She's obviously been cutting for sometime if this is the case and needs some help.

I used it as a way to feel in control when everything else in my life was so out of control. Also as a way to release pain and anger that I felt.

My advice to you (being that it is school holidays) if your DS receives another phone call like this and she is doing it/threatening it...is to call the police/ambulance ASAP. They are very quick to respond to these types of calls. Explain that there is a history of it to.

You really have had allot of curveballs come your way this year. Please keep us updated. I hope it turns out ok.

[littlebear]

It's a shame that so many of the girls here seem to have done this at some point or another, I have too.

For me, it was because I was feeling so depressed that feeling physical pain actually felt better. The chemicals the body releases to help deal with pain temporarily made me feel better too ITMS?

There are so many reasons. If she's "emo" she could be doing it to "fit in" with the crowd. Does your DS know anyone else that self harms? Even if that's the reason she still needs help.

If it's not stopped, it can definetly get out of hand so encourage your DS to either speak to someone at the school, or the girls parents even? The girl may reject your DS for intereferring or "telling" everyone, but in the long run she will be thanking him when she gets the help she needs.

Oh, and covering it up is easy. Creating "accidents" for the cuts, long sleeves and jumpers, legs, thighs, shoulders etc.

Hope everything turns out okay!

[Indadhanu]

I hid it from my parents for a long time. A LONG time. Months, months and months.

I think attention seeking is a valid reason. If someone is hurting enough inside to cause themselves physical pain and scarring, they deserve attention. They need attention. They need someone to sit down and say "Talk to me, tell me what is happening". If they struggle to use words, and this is their only solution, they need someone to help. Really, cutting is serious, ignoring it won't make it go away.

Not that you are Dianne, just was on my soap box.

Please PM if you would like to chat. I still bare the physical scars of cutting in my teenage years, and unlike most of my experiences that I have grown from, they are still very raw emotionally.

[Dansta]

self harm can be as others have said a "control" thing. or punishment. sometimes both.

for me self harm was about feeling. sounds strange. but i needed (for almost 3 years) to cut to feel. because even though i wouldnt feel the cut until the next moring (shower) i knew that the blood meant i'd feel something at some point. as for hiding it i did hide it. for almost two years, until i rolled up a sleeve and my mum saw it. her reaction "how can you do this to me" she still has no idea why i was cutting. in my mind (very depressed at the time) i was taking it out on me so no one else 'needed to stuffer' is your DS close to this girl? if he see if she'd like to come over and talk to him - and you. offer an ear, as i know for myself that speaking to any one at school meant the risk of my family finding out- something i couldnt handle as i saw my self protecting them from what was really happening. she may open up to you about it. if you just ask her about why she wants to cut her self, if shes feeling numb or depressed. if she clams up dont keep pushing if she knows some one cares it may start that ball rolling and open her up a little KWIM?

as for the "emo - thats what they do" tag its not always right. if she's 'slipped up' and your DS has seen them - then she is less likely to be emo. - rather caught out. i only ever showed my scars/cuts to people who told me they also wanted to cut - at the time my thighs where covered in cuts/scars/scabs i'd tell them that they didnt want to stand in my shoes, it wasnt worth it.

I'm happy to talk to you about it if you like, like leasha - i too still carry scars from those dark nights.
i hope you and your DS can help her

[Shades]

Someone mentioned above that it can be a way of telling people that the person is hurting when they can't seem to express it otherwise... I can attest to that one.
Also the distraction one is common...
(Incidentally I found self-harm to be almost 'catching' in a way - so many young people in difficult situations and then they see that a friend or someone else cuts and talk to them about it and the friend says it helps... so next time they feel snowed under they try it too...)

[Schmickers]

Some of the young people I've spoken too say that they cut because when the pain builds up, it feels like the only way to "let it out" the physical pain seems to grant them some emotional release.

Some young people I've spoken too say they have had so many negative things going on in their lives that they withdraw, and end up divorced from their feelings, from the outside world - cutting, and the pain associated with it, are ways to bring them back to that world.

[Fleur]

Some of the young people I've spoken too say that they cut because when the pain builds up, it feels like the only way to "let it out" the physical pain seems to grant them some emotional release.

That is exactly how it was for me. I kept it covered, wore a jacket to cover my wrists or cut my shoulders or thighs. I had one friend who knew.

Have only skimmed the replies, so not sure if anyone has suggested the school counsellor already, but it might be an idea for your son to talk to someone for his friend's sake, but also for his own - it's a heavy load to carry on your own

[Caramello]

The other way I have seen students hide it is to have lots of bracelets on the arm that they use to cut. I had a girl who was severely depressed in my class - she was going through counselling and DOCS had been notified - but I would know she was having a particularly bad time when the bracelets/scarfs would appear on her lower arm.

[Muffy]

Some of the young people I've spoken too say that they cut because when the pain builds up, it feels like the only way to "let it out" the physical pain seems to grant them some emotional release.

Thats exactly how i felt.
And believe me, if someone wants to hide it they can.. its not that hard.
i used to wear long tops all the time but if they were only on my wrist i would wear alot of bracelets.
Ive got scars from my wrist to my elbow, and i hate wen people ask how i got them. clearly its none of your business.. i wouldnt ask you how you got fat would i?
But they are fading now which is great.

ummm sorry back to the original question...
Yep its a shame but some girls DO do it for attention.. they are the ones who are more likely to make a point of doing it and showing people.

[diannescruffy]

I would just like to thank you for sharing your personal stories, it has helped me have an understanding.

Regards,
Dianne