IKWYM, toomanyshoes. A neglectful upbringing can lead to problems down the line. However, there are rules for Liebs before he can "do as he wants", and rules for when he's playing. For example, we all have to eat meals together and Liebs has some chores (setting table, clearing up, cooking etc). I do restrict electronic toys when he has friends over. We can play all games together - he's good at turn-taking on the DS when he wants me to help him, but we also play board games/lego/making music/reading books as a family so he has more than the electronics in his life. When he's playing, if he uses bad language (eg calling someone/something "stupid") or has a tantrum because he isn't winning, we stop. We have a calm-down time. We have an early bedtime that night. Liebling has also picked a Summer Project this year and we will be doing some of that together, other times he'll be working on his project while I work on mine (so independent but side-by-side working). I think it's a mix of independence and rules: I'm not saying I have the balance right, even for us, but there is a balance.