Too scared to go on school excursion - WWYD

[myturn]

I think there are pros and cons of both decisions. So I don't think its as simple as he should or should not go.

If you don't make him participate in the standard curriculum activities, he learns that he doesn't have to do things at school.... Sometimes in life we do have to do things that make us feel uncomfortable... Job interviews, difficult discussions wit our boss or employees or family etc.... It's how we learn to manage those situations that matters....

So... Yes... While you never really want your child to learn that they should be forced to do things, I do believe there is a time and a place for emotional challenges. I would probably talk about ways he could feel more comfortable with him... And if he cannot think of ideas... I'd ask him if he would like me to help brainstorm some...... Then I would come up with a whole heap of different options... And help him make an appropriate decision for him...

It's this process that helps him learn to manage and regulate his emotions, as well as persist when things get tough.

I'd probably lean towards going with him on the excursion... But other things I might do (and maybe even do all of them ) would be....

.....see the movie with him PRIOR to the excursion... So it's not a new thing anyway....
.....teach him and practice some relaxation strategies for when/if he does get anxious....

[wysiwyg]

If you don't make him participate in the standard curriculum activities, he learns that he doesn't have to do things at school.... Sometimes in life we do have to do things that make us feel uncomfortable... Job interviews, difficult discussions wit our boss or employees or family etc.... It's how we learn to manage those situations that matters....

I am not sure about this - I am not a big believer in the whole 'setting a precedent' thing - I think kids are smarter than that / also need to learn that situations are different all the time, and sometimes you have to do things, just like sometimes you want to do something that you have done before but just because you did it before doesn't mean it is suitable this time. Assessing individual situations for there respective merits is an important skill.

I don't know how you would convince someone the benefits of this particular event to be honest - how would you convince an adult that they should go see a movie they don't want to and feel scared of going to see.

Lenny - you asked about if what the excursion was made a difference - and yes in the end for me it is what the excursion is that makes the ultimate difference, I don't think you can answer any of the questions you ask without knowing what the excursion is - probably in the majority of school excursions I could think of what the benefits are that would make any anxiety worth it, but in this case I can't (your DS has probably done the same and can't see any plus points of it). Is it his first excursion? If is first prep excursion then it seems an even stranger choice.

[Trillian]

I wouldn't send him. It's to a movie, it's not like it's something that actually has anything to do with curriculum learning. If it was, I'd make him go, but because it's a social thing, I really wouldn't worry about it. Don't worry about the shared experience thing either - not a lot different to if all these kids saw it over a weekend in their own time and then talked about it at school anyway.

[Lenny]

A big thanks to everyone who replied. I read them all, and wanted to reply to each of you!

The school (there are 130 preps) is studying fairy tales, culminating in watching a fairy tale. I feel it is a terrible choice of movie, but want to resist the urge to be 'that parent' who always complains. Let's face it, deep down they want to take the kids on an excursion (yes, their first prep excursion) and this just fits the timetable.

I have discussed with his teacher and I can go with him. They will be discussing the movie in class formally (as well as in the playground, I'm sure). I have opted to wait a day or two before I discuss it again with him.

My son has never had a day off school. We has sent home once at 2pm because he fainted in class. He's thriving at school educationally and has never asked to not go.

I trust him with his feelings. I have to trust him about this. Sure, he's six, but that doesn't, to me, invalidate his wishes. I do not believe forcing him to attend this movie will be educational. Nor do I think it will benefit him emotionally or help him deal with his anxiety over it.
He doesn't really like swimming. But by god, every week I make him go. And he tells me what he thinks of it, and me. But he still goes.

He and I have been to two movies. The first time was The Lorax. His choice. He was terrified. He hated it. Spent the whole time on my lap under my arm with my cardigan over his head and his hands over his ears.
The second was Turbo. He spent 50% of the time on my lap with his hands over his ears screaming la la la to keep the noise out. The other 50% of the time he was on the floor with his head buried in my lap.

Coincidentally about 3 months ago my 4yo picked HTTYD from the video store. The 6year old hid in his room. Cried and sobbed when they put toothless 'in jail' because he knew toothless was innocent and didn't want him hurt.

I'm not sure that "emotional challenges" is an appropriate word to describe a trip to the movies. Maybe for some children, but not mine. Trauma. That's a better word. Like surprised said, she can laugh about it now, but why as adults we get to choose whether to subject ourselves to it, but children somehow get told it will be a good challenge for them? "It'll help him learn to persist when things get tough"? No, it'll remind him that he's different and that he needs to suck up his fear and emotions and not show them to anyone.

If it was a rock climbing excursion, yes, he'd be going. In fact, I know damn well he wouldn't ask not to, even though he probably wouldn't want to. In fact, it's dress up day soon and he hates dressing up, but has never once mentioned not going.

(I have since learned that a complex about an hour away does sensory movie sessions sometimes. I might try that sometime with him. But no hurry).

Thanks for the replies. It's nice to know I am not the only one who a) thinks the movie is a terrible idea for any child and b) thinks my little guy has a right to have his fears acknowledged and a right to say yes or no to things that happen to him.

[Artechim]

Lenny, sounds like you know his limits well and provide enough challenges to keep him moving forward. Exposing him to something terrifying probably won't help anything.

Is the cinema at a complex? Are they going by bus? Could you go with him on the bus, find something else to do with him while the movie is on and then meet up with the kids again for the trip home? Then he gets some of the camaraderie of attending the trip and isn't left out but doesn't have to see the actual movie.

for you, because it is tough and I am sure you will make the best choice for him.