7yr old D wants more time with Mummy

[deciple]

hi and thanks for your replys

she goes to the same school all the time.

I let her mum (or i should say i didnt try to stop her ;-) )pull out of her old school mid term last year so that she would be at a school closer to where she lives, 10 minutes away). Now I have to get her up a little earlier in the morning to get her there on time. thats probalbe one thing she doesnt like, but it shouldnt be a big deal.

she is with me for 4 Nights, mum 5N, me 2, mum 3.
We tried week on and week off but a whole week was too long for her away from mum.

I am going out of my way to handle being a full time worker and a 50% dad.

[Traveller]

It sounds like you are doing everything possible to make this arrangement work and you are clearly a loving father. I really hope you can make a 50/50 arrangement work as I really think they offer a lot to a child in the form of regular consistent contact with both parents.

The only thing that jumps out at me from what you have said is the days you have your daughter change from week to week. I wonder if this is affecting her in that she feels she never knows where she will be? Maybe a more structured arrangement (like you have her Wed, Thur, Fri one week, and Wed Thur Fri Sat the next week, then back to Wed Thur Fri the following week) would help her feel more settled. I have seen arrangements like this work really well in other 50/50 custody arrangements.

Good luck with it

xx

[skeetaboat]

hi and thanks for your replys

she is with me for 4 Nights, mum 5N, me 2, mum 3.

I don't really understand. Does that mean it changes all the time? If it does, I think that would make living between two houses even more unsettling. At least if it's the same each week, she would know, "ok, today is tuesday and I stay at mums", or however it rolls. I think it would be easier on her to have an arrangement that is the same each week.

Perhaps you could concede a day, and try something like Thur - Sat with you and Sun - Wed with mum?

[Toomanytoomany]

That sounds like quite a disruptive routine for a little one, to be honest.

OTOH, I'd be devastated if I could only spend every other weekend with my kids.

Are there flexible things you can try? Maybe if she *stays* with you every second weekend, but you have her for some afternoons until after dinner and then take her round to her mums? I know my sister's ex has them occasionally during the week just for a treat for them all, and she appreciates the extra breathing space.

The other thing is, at her age, girls often do start to need more time with their mothers. My dd3 was always a daddy's girl until she was about eight, and then she gravitated towards me much more. Dh was quite hurt by that but I explained it was a normal thing for girls, and that the preferences would come and go.