All the single ladies! Update time....

[sushee]

I'm fairly newly single, and learning to settle into it.

Things with 1st XH are actually quite good. We've been talking and are becoming tentative friends again. He gets married again soon so it's settling into a brother/sister relationship almost, and that's nice, after all the years of drama he's provided me. He has zero influence over me and my life, and the kids we have together are all grown up, so it's not as complicated as it once was.

Things with my newest XH (god that sounds awful) are still strained on a personal level, but inasfar as the stuff regarding care arrangements, property etc, that couldn't be less difficult. In fact, the settlement of my house (from both of us to just me) is scheduled for the 22nd June. After this point, I will own the house (and the substantial mortgage that goes with it) and all our assets will be split. He's moved into his own place (renting) and has had me over already for visit. I'm hoping that in time, after the financial and other stuff is sorted, we can start to be friends.

The kids are okay. Charlie took a while to settle, and at one stage was crying for me when he was with his dad, and crying for his dad when he was with me. But the last week has been better - I suppose me going over to his dad's and his dad coming over to mine has made him understand that we're still okay, and he'll be okay too. My older kids, on the other hand, have rallied around me. I've never seen them as much as I have in the last few weeks. They spend almost every weekend at my house, and in exchange for food and alcohol (for the 'legal-age' ones) they help me with the house, and keep me company. I love that I've reconnected with them.

On the relationship front - no way! Not for a while anyway. I've had a discrete encounter or two, but nothing long term, and definitely nothing I want to be on-going. More for myself, after 9 years in a monogomous realtionship, and at 40 years of age, I wanted to find out whether I am still 'attractive' and that I still have 'it' (IYKWIM), and I have found out that I don't think I actually have the issues on that front that I thought I did .

I am also very clear from the outset that I'm not looking for commitment, not looking for anyone to come into my kids' or my lives right now, and now having assembled some self-esteem regarding my atttractiveness, I'm pretty much happy to concentrate on my family and myself without any men coming into the picture for a long while, in any capacity. So no, no men or relationships or anything in the horizon, and it's just the way I want it right now.

So all in all, relatively happy with things. Not necessarily settled or happy per se, but I'm sure I'll get there.