Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 19 to 25 of 25

Thread: Can he do this?

  1. #19

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Funky Town, Vic
    Posts
    7,070

    Default

    And thing is with these notes - it would be clear you wrote them to try to manage your stress ffs! Even if there were notes that said for eg "I can't cope with this", it would STILL indicate you recognising stress and taking steps to get over the problem.
    I wouldn't feel comfortable with things I'd written privately to myself in times of stress potentially being on show to others - buit I think it will go in your favour that he is trying to discredit you for his OWN benefit. So HA HA to him.


  2. #20

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    18

    Default

    I am back from the solicitor, and she basically said the same sort of thing that you have all been saying, and it was very reassuring. Of course she emphasised that nothing is a sure thing in family law, but she totally brushed off the whole mental illness angle and said "for heaven's sake, 1 in 4 Australians suffer from a mental illness". She emphasised the taking of notes, keeping emails and messages etc. and said he will gain nothing by trying to sling mud in a court room. She also said that if he even just moves as far as Parramatta (about 30 minutes drive with no traffic problems) then I would be seen by anyone as extremely generous (and probably too much so) if I let him still go 50/50 and be putting the girls through all that car travel every second week. It's also very unlikely that I would be the one with less than 50% of the time if he is the one moving away, especially with me being the mother of two very young girls, and with the resulting upheaval of moving schools, moving away from friends, established activities etc.

    She gave me the option of having her write him a letter now, making an offer to settle, and she said often people will back down when faced with a letter from the ex's solicitor. Or she said just to keep going down the path I am going, and wait for the FDR process to play out and come and see her whether or not we end up with a parenting plan at the end of it (if he even attends).

    So since I got the reassurance that I needed that really, things were in my favour, and especially that he can't do a single thing to have my kids legally removed from my care pending the process playing out, I opted just to keep going with the FDR. I will keep but not respond to his emails and messages, and take better notes on what happens when. She also suggested that I come up with my proposals for care should he move either to Parramatta or beyond, so that I know what my desired outcomes are in FDR - I already have a really detailed document showing what I want out of a week-about arrangement, but that was on the presumption that no move was imminent.

    Thanks again for all your advice. I think I'm gonna need you guys........

    Melby

  3. #21

    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Victoria
    Posts
    324

    Default

    Hi Melby,
    Great to see you got some good advice.
    Personally I would probably wait to see whether he actually is serious about the move etc and what his properly thought out proposals are about the move rather than front foot with an offer to him about that part of it all. After all, he is the one who wants to move.
    I agree however you do need to think about what you want and about all of the logistical things which will be associated with a change so that you are not caught out like a rabbit in the headlights down the track. At least if If you have an idea in your mind you may be able to minimise your anxiety about it in the meantime.
    Definitely a good idea not to engage him in a dialogue by responding to his texts or emails in the meantime. Let him shoot himself in the foot!
    Good luck.
    Belinda.

  4. #22

    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Mid North Coast NSW
    Posts
    55

    Default

    Just know a lot of women go through depression and anxiety and stress, your not a nutcase just because this has happened to you...its a stage i think most women go through... especially after having babies and trying to maintain a happy healthy family, life is not easy!! It's hard work!!

    Go easy on yourself hun... i hope it works out for you... i think it will..just stay strong! Keep us updated!

    hugs*

  5. #23

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    where the V8's roar
    Posts
    1,855

    Default

    Melby,

    I am glad you have seeked legal advice. I did want to add that I think the way he is holding the notes you wrote over your head are another example of his abusive nature so I really do think it will blow up in his face.
    Are you comfortable him having the 50/50? would you rather have them more but he just has you convinced you wouldn't get them more? Just something to consider especially with what your lawyer said about moving etc....

    Goodluck

  6. #24

    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Waterloo, Merseyside, UK
    Posts
    2,543

    Default

    huge hugs melby...let him hang himself, he will you know it...just enjoy spending time with your babies...stuff him...hes only trying to bully you hun...
    youv got us all here whenever you need.
    lots of love rach xxxxx

  7. #25

    Default

    I know this is a little redundant now, but I just wanted to post this news article that I read today on news.com.au.

    Basically a family moved to a remote mining area for the father's / husband's work, and then they separated. The mother / wife wanted to moved back to their home town where they'd spent most of the children's life but the court ordered that if she wanted to move, she wouldn't get full custody.

    I'm not entirely sure how it relates to your personal circumstances, and you've already been given great advice by people a whole lot more knowledgable than myself, but something like this might make you feel a little bit better when you really need it?

    Family Court forces mum to stay in isolated town after split | National News | News.com.au

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •