Failure

[HotI]

6 weeks can be a tough time, even when everything else is working, so don't hesitate to ask for help to get you through.

[Arcadia]

Gorgeous I feel like coming over and scooping you up...but we all have dreadful colds so not a good idea.

I cried and cried when dd was little and I didn't have half the stress you have. My midwife says 'motherhood is built on a raft of fragile tears'.

You are grieving, adjusting, hormonal, breastfeeding and isolated. No wonder you need to talk to someone. This isn't going to beat you...but be gentle on yourself as you get back on your feet.

[Gigi]

post natal depression is something, many women on this site understand, i get what you're saying, you acknowledge what's going on, next step is to get help, e.g PANDA like the OP have suggested.

it's ok to ask for help

there are risk factors for PND, i suspect you would tick all the boxes, given your extremely stressful situation.

Have you told your mum how you're feeling? It doesn't make you a bad mum, to be feeling like this. It's the situation that is suckful, not you.

thinking of you PZ