Gorgeous I feel like coming over and scooping you up...but we all have dreadful colds so not a good idea.

I cried and cried when dd was little and I didn't have half the stress you have. My midwife says 'motherhood is built on a raft of fragile tears'.

You are grieving, adjusting, hormonal, breastfeeding and isolated. No wonder you need to talk to someone. This isn't going to beat you...but be gentle on yourself as you get back on your feet.