Every situation is different, that's what I learnt over the past 3.5yrs. Every child, mum, and dad is different.

This is what works great for us, the kids, him, and me:

I felt it important that my kids didn't miss out on the valuable relationship with their Dad just because we were no longer together. I also believe that two people created my kids so I don't have 100% control over them. so from the very beginning I never looked at it like 'when should I let him see them'. He is a wonderful father and they are as close with him as they are me.

It started as 50/50 but after a few months we agreed the boys should be with me that bit more. I worked less hours and logistically it made sense too, with school/kinder drop offs and pick ups, etc. So it went to 56/44% or thereabouts?! 8 nights per fortnight with me, 6 nights per fortnight with him. Kids were 6 and 3. When DS1 turned 9 we agreed to a change for 50/50 for him. DS2 no change but I will be agreeable to it at his request.

We share birthdays, one has night before one has night of. Kids love it they get to see both of us and get lots of pressies (all kids needs perks in a separated family sitch as long as they are not spoilt because of it!). We alternate Xmas, I can't wait to wake up with them this year!

I miss them when I don't have them but I know they are just as cared for and loved with him. I just have to get over it for their sake. I keep busy by looking after myself so when they are back they have a happy and healthy Mummy. I spend quality time with DF and family and friends. I work and cook and clean and organise life, those jobs as a Mum don't stop when they are with Daddy!

Ex and I don't need to see or chat much. Both kids are at school. Any issues we discuss on email unless really important. Just last week we had a few phone chats about DS2 bed wetting and DS1 high school preparation. I guess he is a really hands on Dad (I think lots of Dads get more hands on after separation and like to be involved more in such things, good for them and the kids I say).

So that's how it works for us!