Being on the opposite side of the fence (being the step mum to DP's DD's) - I like to think we buy thoughtful gifts, and always things that are good quality - just as we buy for our DD (and any other member of our family).

However the SDD's leave their toys / clothes at our place as we don't want them damaged when they return after being with their mum lol...The clothes come back unwashed and stained (if at all) - and things just seem to go missing - never to be seen again...

But if there was a particular item the kids become attached to and really wanted to take with them - we'd let them. It's for the kids sake after all. It's not about getting back at the ex for all the hassles they've had in their past...

Barbie Up - in relation to what DD is being dressed in - that must be a guy thing in general (I like to think)...DP puts our DD in all sorts of crazy combinations that look, um, interesting .
In our case it'd be mid winter and the kids would come over dressed in summer clothing - freezing their butts off in sandals, shorts and singlets - seriously ...***Why can't DP's ex be more switched on and attentive like you ladies, seriously. Instead - she's a.....oh, sorry, I digress - wrong forum lol!!!