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Thread: His surname or mine?

  1. #1

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    Default His surname or mine?

    Am in my third trimester. Living with the father of bub, but we haven't known each other very long and we are really only staying together because I am pregnant. I was planning to give bub his surname but am wondering, given the likelihood we won't be together long ter, whether others have advice about this. Legal reasons? Thanks.


  2. #2

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    If you don't feel like you're gonna be together for long, I'd say give Bub's your surname... if not, perhaps hypenate both your surnames?

  3. #3

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    My son has my surname. The father and i were no longer in a relationship when i found out i was pregnant and he lives overseas so i really didn't see the point in him having a different surname to his mum. His father is on the birth certificate though.

  4. #4

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    my nephew has his name hyphenated he has no contact with his birth father and the only way for SIL to change surname is too have birth father sign forms which he wont, so personally if you can't see yourselves being together perhaps go with your name, the child can always change to dads name when they are 16 or 18 etc

  5. #5

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    id keep yours for now - if you end up staying to gether you can easily change it, but as Rach said, if you give the bub his it will be much harder to change it without his consent.

    When DF and i get married i want to hyphenate DD's name, how i will get her dad to sign the papers i dont know.....

  6. #6

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    Your surname - as the others have said it will be much easier in the long run, if you can't see yourselves being together for long.

  7. #7

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    Your, yours, yours yours yours yours!

  8. #8

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    Even if you wanted his surname, coz your not married, whilst in hospital after you have bubs, baby will be called after your surname.....kinda makes sense to stick to that

  9. #9

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    I agree - In hospital, they will use whatever your surname is for medicare purposes... I would stick with that and see how you go.

    Its always easier to change it to your partners if you stay together than what it is to change it from his back to yours... trust me I've been there

    After ex DH & I got divorced, I didn't want to take his name out - Just add my surname in, as I went back to my maiden name.

    I got there in the end, but it was painful

  10. #10

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    What does the father want? I know a few people that have gone through disputes over this and legally they were told because of the conflict they had to have it hyphenated.

    Technically speaking hubby and I had only been together 3 months when I fell pregnant (unoffically 18 months earlier kind of on off...) but I wanted my surname as my son already had mine and he wanted his and his son had his surname.... our happy medium was to hyphenate the surnames. Now we're married and will eventually change mine, my sons and both of our daughters over to his surname... will be a bit of a hassle but I wanted them 'linked' to me too.

    If your partner doesnt mind then give bubs yours, you can always change it to his later... if he does mind then go for hyphenated... put your name first though because my doctors surgery and most places actually drop the second surname.. even on my medicare card my daughters just have my surname.

  11. #11

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    I don't think a child should have a name different from it's mothers, so I'm going to say YOURS.
    If at a later date you feel that you are committed enough to each other, or that you get married etc, then change it, but if you are at all hesitant now, go with yours.

    My partner and I were engaged when bubs was born, but bubs still has my surname. I carried him, i birthed him, surely if i dont have the same surname as his father, i have the right for him to be mine for a while? He's going to have his dad's name the rest of his long life!

    Good luck with your decision.

  12. #12

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    Thanks for all the advice. Due to my long, foreign surname, we can't hyphenate. But I hear you loud and clear, so I'll see if we can get agreement to go with my surname! Not sure how that will go down...

  13. #13
    CocoPop Guest

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    Hi Maree

    If u dont think u will stay together rthen its safer not to give his name. Legally he will ahve too many rights. even if ur the full time mother. My partner and i split after 4 yearsb4 i found out i was pregnant, and he wanted the baby to have his name, but i will e raising my child, he will see it when it is convenient for him, so idont believe he should have those sorts of rights. My theory is the main provider and career for the baby is the name teh baby should have.

    good luck woth everything, and who knows y may stay together forever

  14. #14

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    hi all, i just wanted to add my experience, my partner and i arnt married and my daughter has his surname. This has proved to be a little confusing for GPs, hospital visits etc. It isnt a big deal but it admittedly does feels strange to be bonded so closely to your child but not share a c?mmon family name. I dont know why i so blindly went about registering her name, i got so caught up in just picking a first name! So i would give your child your name.

    All the best,

  15. #15

    Default

    I would suggest hyphenating it in your case - A surname does not give him more legal rights - being on the birth cert does.

  16. #16

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    I can't stand hyphenated names, so I didn't bother. We came to an agreement , DS has his last name, but mine is his 2nd middle name. Gee that sounds long and convuluted doesn't it? Anyway BOTH names are on the birth cert. DD has my last name and his in the middle. ie Elizabeth Raine hisname Smith.

    Giving your baby his last name does not give him any more rights than if you give baby yours. Simply having one parents last name does not give that parent more legal rights that the other - sorry Coco Pop.

  17. #17

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    I say your surname - your child = your surname.
    My kids have my surname, and DH and I have been married 13 years....

  18. #18

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    Give the baby your surname only.

    You are not married, and you are its mother and by the sound of it you already plan on having custody of this baby if the relationship doesn't last.

    Do you really want to have a child with some ex partners name if you are later in a relationship where you want to take on the new man's surname? Then your child will not only not have your family name, but will not be able to have your new partners name.

    WAY EASIER to just keep its name the same as yours until such time that the child can either choose for itself, or you know where you are going with a relationship etc.

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